Don't Look Away
by BRUCAS123
Summary: She can't even remember how she got here. Years from now, maybe she'll remember the pain, but this little girl's eyes seem to have erased every bad memory leading up to this moment. BL family fic, erasing seasons 4-6 and making my own story up. Finished!
1. Ordinary Life

_**Sooo, I should really be working on my original piece but I was having a conversation with one of FTW's the other day and got this idea and I can't really erase it from my head so I sat down to write it out and I think it's half decent. Maybe? **_

_**This is going to be a pretty extensive fic, if you guys think I should continue it. Longer than anything else I've ever done at least. Basically, what you need to know for this fic, is that anything after episode 3.22 is fair game- and I've probably changed it. There's a point where I believe the show started to plummet downhill quickly and there's a point where I believe the actual potential of the show became completely wasted. (Both are actually when Dan shoots Keith.) I'm not actually changing that fact- but I am going to change how it's handled- and I'm letting everyone know this right now because you might hate me for it so you'll want to know before you start reading. There was no reason for Nathan to point shave, so there was no reason for Lucas to not take his meds, so there was no heart attack- and Lucas doesn't go on a wild goose chase. Dan's not going to pay for his crime in jail and permanent exile from his family in my fic. He's going to make it up to them without knowing. By being there every step of the way- and being the best he can be. No evil Dan. If you can't deal with that, you should probably click out of this now. For everyone else, seasons 4-6 don't exist, okay? I thought you'd see it my way. Much better that way. :P**_

_**So without further adieu, I'll let you read and decide for yourself. Thanks to Mara for reading it over and naming it for me.**_

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of One Tree Hill, if I did, I'd be a lot happier right now. Also, I don't own the title. It's Kate Voegele's album title, actually. **

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_"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."- unknown_

"Morning Hales," she whispers as she opens her front door at five am. "She's still sleeping."

Haley playfully rolls her eyes at Brooke. "You know she freaks out when she wakes up at my house without you."

"I know, I know. But she woke up three times last night because of the storm and it's not fair to her that I wake her up at the crack of dawn every day," Brooke rambles, as Haley sits down on the couch and takes a mug of coffee from her. "I just want her to be normal every once in awhile."

Haley smiles softly at her friend, "Brooke, I happen to know that Dee doesn't feel that way at all. She loves her life. She loves her days. And most importantly, she loves you. You shouldn't beat yourself up about this. You are a great mother and any child would be lucky to have you."

"Even so," Brooke starts, "I really think she should sleep in. If she gives you a hard time, just call Lucas. He only has an early practice today so I'm sure he can get over there as soon as you call and she'll quiet down as soon as she sees him. Believe me, "she laughs, "there's no one that child wants more than him."

"True enough." Haley concedes, "She really does love him."

Brooke walks around the room, gathering up the essentials for the day, making two piles: the pile that she'll bring with her to the store and the pile that will be put into the diaper bag for Haley. Haley will have Delila until around eight in the morning, when she has to leave to go to her first class. Then Nathan will bring Dee and Jamie, their two year old son, to the boutique and Brooke will have both of them with her until Haley's last class at three in the afternoon. When she's done at Tree Hill High for the day, she comes by and picks up her son and, sometimes, her niece. That is- if Lucas hasn't already stopped for her. Finally, when Brooke closes up the boutique at eight in the evening, she goes to whichever house Dee is at, Lucas's or Haley's, picks her up, and brings her home to have a late supper with her. Then they get ready for bed, read a bedtime story, and go to sleep- only to do it all over again the next day.

It's tedious and routine. Brooke doesn't think it's fair to subject her child to such a boring and predictable life so early on but she doesn't have much of a choice. The boutique pays the bills- sometimes. She knows that Delila knows she's loved but sometimes she wonders if that's enough. Sometimes she worries about the amount of time not spent with her daughter. Sometimes she worries that it'd be too easy for some other woman to come into her child's life and take her place as the mom.

"Brooke." Haley snaps her out of her thoughts. "I said I don't need you to send her a t-shirt. I have one at my house that I washed last night."

She looks down in her hands and sees the undershirt that she was readying to put into the bag going to Haley's house and she sets it aside. "Okay. Here's the bag. Why don't you take it out to the car and start it up and I'll go get sleeping beauty and try not to wake her putting her into your car."

"Okay." Haley pauses, "Brooke, are you sure you're okay?"

"Sure, Hales," Brooke smiles. "I'm fine."

She sees Haley to the front door again and then tiptoes up the steps to her four-year-old's room. Delila is sound asleep in her bed and Brooke can't help but wish that she'd slept like that all night as she carries her, with a blanket wrapped around her, down to Haley's sporty utility. She straps her into the car seat with no problem and she and Haley whisper their goodbyes to each other. Then she watches the car drive down the road before turning back to the house to go inside and get ready. Today is going to be a long day since she barely got four hours of sleep last night. Might as well get started.

x-x-x-x-x

It's nine am and she was right. It really is going to be a long day. Millicent, her best and only employee, called in with the flu and both of the kids are cranky. She thanks whoever is out there watching out for her that she's not too busy with customers today because if anyone came in, they wouldn't think much of her. Jamie is screaming and has been since Nathan left the store today. She can't call Nate back because he left for an away game right after dropping the kids off. Delila seems to be in jealous mood and every time she goes to comfort her nephew, her daughter screams. It's frustrating and even though she needs help in the worst way, she won't call the one person who is supposed to be available today. He'll be here to pick up Delila at two and she'll just deal with it until then.

It's times like these when she wonders what ever made her think that she could have it all. When she found out she was pregnant at eighteen and her parents disowned her, she didn't even consider another option. Even with every adult around her, which basically only included Dan, Karen, and Whitey, telling her that it would be hard, all that she could think of was her strength. She thought she'd skip college, sell her designs, and have it all. She even thought she could do it without the baby's father if he didn't want her. She was wrong. She has called in favors with just about everyone. She'd be lost if Lucas wasn't a part of their lives. And her designs aren't selling the way she originally thought they would. Sometimes she wonders if she made a mistake, but then she looks at her precious child's face and that disappears. She still remembers the first time she saw that face.

That was the moment everything changed.

_Twenty-seven hours and eleven minutes after her first contraction, she's holding the most beautiful creature she's ever seen in her arms. She's still slippery because they haven't wiped her off yet but Brooke doesn't care. She's not afraid she's going to drop her. She's not afraid of anything except being perfect for this little girl in her arms. She counts five fingers on each hand, five toes on each foot. She drinks in every inch of her daughter, from her ocean blue eyes to the dark, curly hair on top of her head. She can't bear to tear her eyes away from her child even for a moment until she feels Lucas's hand touch her little foot. Her eyes meet his and she can tell that he's trying with everything in him to hold back the tears._

"_She's amazing, Brooke," he says sincerely, "You're amazing."_

_She can't even remember how she got here. Years from now, maybe she'll remember the pain, but this little girls eyes- the same hue and shape as her father's- seem to have erased every bad memory leading up to this moment. "She's half you, too." She smiles at her ex-boyfriend. "I can see you in her."_

_He laughs, "Well, she definitely has my eyes. But, seriously, Brooke, thank you for this. Thank you for her."_

"_You don't have to thank me," she shakes her head. "I could never have done it without you. It was a team effort." She says, as she looks up at Haley, "You two have been life saving; I never would have made it here without either of you."_

"_You underestimate yourself, Brooke," Haley says smiling, "I'm gonna go out and tell everyone she's here. Can I give them a name?"_

_Brooke's eyes find Lucas again. This has been a point of contention for weeks now, he wants something meaningful and traditional and she doesn't want anything that's too old or too common. They can't agree on any combination of the two. "I was thinking," she says, looking down at her baby once more, "that we can use my suggestion of Delila and Luke's contribution would be Grace. They're both meaningful and not too old fashioned." She looks back to the spot where Lucas is standing above her, "What do you think, Luke?"_

"_It's perfect." He smiles down at their daughter. "Delila Grace Scott. Can I hold her?"_

_Haley slips out as Brooke hands her baby over for the first time ever. Lucas lights up once she's in his arms and he starts to have a conversation with their baby girl, as if she's the only person in the room. "Hey Princess, I'm your daddy. You probably aren't going to understand much in this world- but I promise, you'll always understand that. I'm never going to leave you. I'll never make you feel unwanted- as a matter of fact, last time your mom and I talked and this name came up, Delila, the thing I liked most about it was the meaning. It means wanted. And you are wanted. No matter what anyone else says, you need to remember that always. I wanted you. Your mom wanted you. And that's all that matters. And there'll never come a day when that changes. You will always be mine. I love you more than I ever thought possible, already. And I always will."_

_Brooke, listening wordlessly to this, feels a few silent tears slip out of her eyes and she quickly wipes them away- thankful that he's here. She didn't think she would need him here but she now realizes that she'd never have been able to do this without him. She's pretty sure that she's going to need him for a long time. And now, she believes, for the first time ever, that he's not going anywhere._

_He turns back to her and smiles at her, fighting tears of his own, "Brooke," he bends down at her side and pulls her close, "I mean it, thank you. Thank you for her. Thank you for letting me be here. Thank you for just being you. You're going to do great, Brooke."_

"_I hope so," she says, quietly, reaching out for her baby once more, "I want to give her everything."_

_He nods. "Me too. We will. Together. We're a team now, right?"_

"_Right," she affirms._

_She suddenly remembers the night she officially met him and he must be remembering the same thing because he grins down at her and says, "I guess we just had one of those moments. Everything has changed."_

After that, everyone swirled in and the moment was lost. It was the one of the few times that they were ever really a family. Lucas was with Peyton, at the time, and Brooke had a really hard time allowing them alone time with her child. She didn't want Dee knowing anyone as a mother but her and Lucas respected that. Then he and Peyton broke up but, for most of that time, he was touring and promoting his best-selling book. By the time the tour ended, in Los Angeles, he and Peyton were reconciled and everything was back to normal. Lucas visiting Peyton every other weekend in L.A. cut into time with Dee and it was hard but they figured it out. They always did. They've always been a team.

He wasn't lying that day. She's always been able to count on him when she needed him.

"Hey Brooke."

She looks up to see him standing in front of her and can't help the smile that's already forming on her face, "Hey. You're really early. What gives?"

He looks around, "Haley told me that you looked tired this morning and when she left the house, both of the kids were miserable. She thought you might need a break." His eyes lock with hers, "And no offense, Brooke, but I think she was right. Why didn't you call me?"

"Eh, it's been worse," she lies, "I didn't want to bother you."

At that moment, Delila notices Lucas and runs straight across the room into his waiting arms. "Daddy, I missed you!"

"God, you'd think I was torturing her here." Brooke says with faux bitterness. "I could torture you, ya know?"

Dee squeals out, "No, Mommy! No. Daddy will save me if you try!"

They both laugh at her and Brooke says, "Why don't you go give Jamie a kiss bye-bye. You're gonna go to daddy's house with him."

She runs back into the play area that Brooke has set up in her office and Lucas smirks, "I can take both of them. He's my nephew, too."

"No, she's in a me mood."

"Ah," he laughs, "She's in a you mood."

"What is that supposed to mean, Lucas Eugene Scott!?" Brooke asks, already knowing the answer.

"She just knows she's fabulous, like her mother, and therefore thinks no one else should get any attention but her," he says, with a smug smile, "It's really endearing actually."

"Nice," Brooke mutters. "Let her think that the world revolving around her is a good thing."

"What was that?"

She shakes her head, "Nothing."

Delila runs back into the front of the store, carrying her bag with her. She smiles and takes Lucas's hand, "I'm ready, daddy. Bye, Mommy. Love you!"

"Okay, baby girl," Brooke bends down and gives her a kiss. "Have fun at daddy's house. I'll see you in a bit." She straightens up and wraps her arms around Lucas, "Thank you, Luke."

"Anything for you, Brooke," he grins.

If only, she thinks. If only that were really true.

"_Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one." -Jane Howard_

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__**So the entire beginning was Brooke-centric but it won't stay that way. Please let me know what you all think. Is it worth continuing? **_

_**-Corey**_


	2. Let Him Fly

_**Wow. So the response for this was pretty amazing. It's pretty unanimous right now that I must continue and so I will. Thanks to everyone who review and also, those who took the time to subscribe to it. I'm going to do my best to not let you down.**_

_**A few answers to some frequently asked questions are in this chapter. I don't want to give too much away by answering outright but if you have a particularly important question that you just need to know the answer to- you can PM me and I'll try my best to answer you. **_

_**I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I'm keeping this at a really slow pace because I think it needs to be in order to be realistic. Please let me know if you have any concerns.. :)**_

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_There's no mercy in life while  
No rest at all in freedom  
Of the choices we are given there's no choice at all  
The proof is in the fire  
You touch before it moves away  
But you must always know how long to stay and when to go_

"_Pregnant!?" Nathan yells. "Really, Brooke? Are you sure?"_

_Brooke just cowers on the sofa in the apartment that she used to share with Haley, silent tears falling from her eyes from the weight of the day now mixing with Nathan's reaction. She says nothing._

"_What about Lucas?" Nathan continues on his rant, not really caring to hear answers. "What about my brother, Brooke? Does he know?"_

_Haley seems to have had enough with her husband, for now. "Okay Nathan," she says, stepping in between him and Brooke, "I think she's been through enough without you screaming at her, too."_

"_Really, Haley?" He questions, "How can you be so calm about this? Lucas is your best friend. Are we going to hide this from him? He's my brother," he shakes his head at both of them. "You both have two days. If he doesn't know on Friday, I'm telling him. It's what he deserves."_

_Haley turns to Brooke and soothes, "Hey, I bet you're tired. Why don't you go back into the bedroom and take a nap? Let me talk to him, okay?"_

_Brooke stands up and pulls Haley into a tight hug, "Thank you, Hales. I don't know what I'd do without you."_

_Once Haley thinks she's out of earshot, she turns to her husband and scolds, "Did you not hear her Nathan? Her mother told her that she either gets an abortion or they never want to speak to her again. I think she could use a little support right now. Imagine, being her place. Lucas is with Peyton. Her parents don't want anything to do with her. We're all she's got. You're going to be nicer to her from here on out, got it?"_

"_Lucas loves Brooke," Nathan states, as if it were fact. "He's not with Peyton. She's just going through a lot and he's being a good friend because her best friend isn't speaking to her for some unknown reason! Listen to me, Hales," he says, cupping her face, "I love Brooke. She's been family for a long time. I know her parents suck. And I will support her every step of the way- just as soon as my brother knows."_

_She pulls away from him and rolls her eyes in frustration, "Do you really think that I'd be okay with keeping this from Lucas forever? She just needs some time."_

"_Two days, Hales," he says with an air of finality. "He'll know by Friday night, either way."_

_He leans in and sweeps his lips across hers, "I love you. I need to go for a run or something."_

"_I love you, too," she yells after him. Watching him leave the apartment complex's apartment, she hears Brooke quietly re-entering the room._

"_I'll tell him," Brooke whispers. "I'll go tonight."_

_She turns around and smiles at the girl who had become one of her best friends this year, "In the meantime, how bout we eat too much ice cream and watch sad movies."_

_As she's walking past Brooke into the kitchen, she can't help but pull her into a hug. "Thank you, Hales," she whispers. "I would never be strong enough to do this without you."_

"Mommy!" Delila shrieks, pulling Brooke out of her daydream and into reality.

She smiles tiredly, "Hey baby girl, you all ready to go home?"

"Actually, Brooke, we'd like to keep her overnight if that's okay with you."

Brooke looks up to see her former best friend standing in the doorway. She didn't know Peyton came into town. She'll discuss that with Lucas later but right now she just shakes her head, "No, not tonight. Dee, honey, go get your bag and say bye to your dad."

She watches her daughter run inside the house and then turns to walk down to the car when Peyton yells after her, "Come on, Brooke. It's so stupid to have her at your house tonight. Lucas doesn't have anything until 9 tomorrow morning and I don't have to work here at all. She wouldn't have to get up so early and get shuffled around all day. You'd get a break, too."

"Oh, it's so much easier, right Peyt?" She asks, "So if it's so easy then why don't you and Lucas just take her all week long?" She holds up her hand before the blonde can even answer the question. "I'll tell you why. Because she's my child. Mine. And we eat together and we have a bedtime routine and Lucas is more than welcome to be a part of that and often is, at my house. Where her bed is."

"You act like any of this is my fault," she throws back at her. "I didn't do this. I didn't make this broken family- you did. I'm just trying to live with it."

"How hard that must be for you, right? I mean, you were the one that gave up every dream you ever had to be a single mom right?" Brooke asks pointedly. "You're the one who has a daughter who wants her daddy all the time, not you- even though you do everything you can for her? You're the one who has to live without Lucas? Right? Wrong. That's me. I'm the one living with it."

"Ladies." They both turn at Lucas's voice. "The whole neighborhood, not to mention Delila, can hear you. Want to at least come inside?"

"No," Brooke speaks with annoyance. "I've had a long day. I want to pick up my daughter and go home. We'll, "she points to Lucas and then back to herself, "talk about this later."

**-x-l-x-l-x-**

"Was that really necessary, Peyt?" Lucas asks, following Peyton into the kitchen after saying good-bye to Delila. "I told you that Dee couldn't stay over tonight before Brooke got here."

Peyton sighs, "She's your daughter, too, Lucas. You need to stick up for yourself."

Lucas shakes his head, "You don't get it, Peyton, she doesn't shut me out. I don't need to stand up for myself. I see Dee plenty. Brooke and I have it worked out good. And I'm sorry that she has a problem with you being around Dee. Hopefully, one day, that will change. But as of right now, she's Brooke's daughter too, and if Brooke had a boyfriend, I wouldn't be okay with it either. I wouldn't want him playing daddy. And I'd worry that one day, he was going to disappear and break her heart."

"This isn't the same thing, Luke," she argues. "We've been together since Brooke was pregnant. I hope to be like a mom to her one day."

Lucas shakes his head, "No, we haven't," he takes her hand. "We broke up for awhile. Brooke had just started letting Dee come over when you were here; she was trying to get used to it. And then you abruptly weren't a part of her life anymore. That was hard on her. And Brooke had to deal with it, not you. And Peyt, hopefully you'll be a mom one day but Delila has a mom. A really great mom. You can't be anything more than a friend to her. Ever."

"I've apologized for that Lucas," Peyton pleads. "What does she want me to do? Walk through fire?"

"No, of course not. Because you aren't her mother, Peyt. But Brooke _would_ walk through fire to make sure Dee isn't hurt. I'm not sure you can even understand that kind of love." Lucas is sympathetic, but stern. She has to understand.

She pouts with her bottom lip, throws her hands up in frustration and declares, "I want to understand! Brooke and you and even Haley and Nathan have formed this little parents club that I am completely shut out of. Oh, Peyt, you couldn't possibly get it. I've been up all night with a sick baby. No, I can't get it. You can commit to that baby, and even Brooke for the rest of your life Lucas. But when are you going to give me that?"

"Peyton, I'm not going to do this with you. New subject."

"But Lucas-"she starts.

"No," he interrupts, more forcefully, "New subject."

She sighs in defeat, "How are Dan and your mom doing with a four year old in Europe?"

He smiles at the mention of his parents and sister, "They're good. Lily just loves it there. She's going to hate to come home for school in a couple of months."

Peyton smiles and nods at all the appropriate times while he continues to talk about his family, the earlier topic seemingly forgotten, but all that she can think of is that if he's not going to talk to Brooke about being fair, she will.

**-x-b-x-b-x-**

"Mommy, why don't you like Peyton?" her curious four-year old asks at the supper table.

"I don't dislike Peyton, baby," Brooke says to her daughter. "Why would you think that?"

"You were yelling at her in your mean voice. Did she do something bad?" Her eyes are wide as she imagines the bad things that could be done by an adult.

Brooke laughs, knowing her precocious child's imagination could run wild, "No, not bad the way that you do things. She didn't draw on my walls or use my makeup."

"But she _did_ do something bad?"

Damn, she thinks, why does this child have to be Lucas-smart?

"No, princess, nothing that you should worry about," she smiles, "Why don't you go pick out a new book for us to start on since we finished _The Wizard of Oz _ last night, while I clean up here okay?"

"Alright," she says, smiling big. "But maybe we'll just read that one all over again too?" She takes off toward the stairs of Brooke's small house with Brooke yelling after her to be careful and choose pajamas while she's up there, too.

When she's alone, Brooke sighs deeply and starts to pick up the dirty dishes from the table. How did they get here? Why was she yelling at Peyton, with her toddler in earshot? Why did she feel threatened? Surely, she wouldn't be able to act this way once Lucas married Peyton and he would marry her. That's pretty much a fact. This is someone she used to love more than she loved herself. Why couldn't she just forgive her and move on with it?

_She's had morning sickness every day since the day she started taking her prenatal vitamins and the doctor told her it'd get better with time. Well, it's been three months and she's still throwing up every time she comes into contact with anything that even resembles food. She really shouldn't have eaten that midnight snack of Oreos and milk. Thank goodness she knows this house well, since she lived here for the better part of the last school year, and she can navigate her way from the bedroom to the bathroom in the dark without bumping into anything._

_Lucas and Karen practically forced her to move in when she told them about the baby. She didn't think it was a good idea- two pregnant, single women under one roof- but Lucas was adamant about it and he had Dan plead his case as well. _

_Dan is the one that talked her into it. He and Lucas renovated the guest room into a room tailor-made for Brooke and then he told her of his deepest regrets. He told her that the night that Lucas was born, he saw him. He was at the hospital; he just never went to Karen. By then, he knew Deb was pregnant. He doesn't regret Nathan but he regrets every decision that he made around the fact that Deb was pregnant. Then he made an appeal on behalf of Lucas, so that he'd never feel the pain of looking at his sixteen-year old and not knowing the eyes looking back at him, for her to please let him in. He told her that he knows what it feels like to be shut out of a child's life, when you want to be a part of it so badly. Then he told her that he knows that Lucas loves her and she loves him- whether they want to admit it or not. And he closed with how much it pains him to think of Karen with Keith's child, though he'll love that child all the same, and to think of all of the time he lost with her._

"_When the love of your life is standing in front of you, Brooke, pleading for a chance- you should give it to them." That's what he said. Brooke compromised. She had given Lucas all access by inviting him to the doctor's appointments and moving in so he could feel like he was a part of the pregnancy. Lucas was grateful, Karen- a godsend, and Dan had been the most surprising support. _

_Brooke doesn't regret moving in at all because she feels loved again and she thinks it's helping her. Plus, she feels at home here. Moving back toward her bedroom in the dark, she's counting down the months until this is all over and she has a baby throwing up on her- instead of having to actually throw up, herself, only four months to go, when she hears whispers coming from Lucas's bedroom. _

_Interested in who would be in Lucas's room at such a late hour, she creeps toward the door and listens in. She can make out the two voices and, since she's heard one of them for so much of her life, she knows who it is in Lucas's room. She's about to step away and give them privacy when she hears her name._

"… _I just don't understand why Brooke needed to live here, Lucas. We just started dating," comes her best friend's voice. "We need to be able to have a chance and that can't happen with your pregnant ex-girlfriend living with you. It'll be bad enough when the baby comes."_

_Lucas sounds frustrated with her. "Peyt, I'm tired. We're not going to fight about this again. She's living here because I want her to." Brooke can picture him rolling his eyes and she hears shuffling going on so she knows that he's turned his back to her in the bed. "If you want to sleep here that's fine, but I need you to stop letting this whole baby business bother you. It's between me and Brooke and you are not involved."_

"_But I am involved. We're together. Don't you think that I wanted to have your first child?" She asks, sounding sad and Brooke feels guilty for the thousandth time since she found out. Lucas should be having children with someone he loves and instead, he's chained to her._

_He sighs, and Brooke knows he's probably feeling defeat. "Listen, I know this is hard on you but you have to understand that nothing will change this. And nothing is going to make me sad about this. I want this baby. And I don't mind that it's coming from Brooke. I loved her, Peyt, and now, I will always have something from that. Can we please just go to sleep?"_

_She doesn't hear Peyton's response to that, just a muffled noise and some shuffling and finally Lucas's heavy breathing that tells her that, at least, he's asleep._

_Somehow, his last words have wiped away all of her insecurities about taking something from him. He wants this; he's not just saying that to her to make her feel better. But Peyton- she's never going to be able to understand how she can give up the only boy she's ever loved for her best friend and still, that's not enough._

_It'll never be okay between them._

"Mommy," Dee's yelling from the front hallway, knocking Brooke out of her thoughts, "Peyton's at the door."

She finishes the last dish from dinner and then walks toward her front door. "Delila Grace Scott," she scolds, "what have I told you about opening the door without mommy here?"

"It's just Peyton," she says, rolling her eyes. "I know Peyton."

"So not the point," she mutters. "Will you go put your jammies on and I'll be up shortly to read to you? What are we starting tonight anyway? No more Dorothy this month, please."

She smiles, "Mom, I found this book." Brooke looks down to see _Little Women_. "Is it okay?"

She nods. "Sure, princess. Give mommy and Peyton a few minutes and I'll be up, kay?"

After watching Delila bound up the stairs, she turns to Peyton and sighs. "Peyton, I meant what I said earlier," she starts, "I'm tired and I am too old to be fighting with you. We're not in high school anymore and I have a child to think of."

"Then think of her Brooke. This strains everyone- you not wanting me around her." She complains, "The only person it really suits is you. I really thought you'd be a bigger person than this and put aside your differences for the good of your daughter."

"This is for the good of my daughter," Brooke answers, tiredly. "I'd like you to go."

"It's best for her if she doesn't know her future stepmother?" Peyton questions.

Brooke panics for a moment but recovers quickly when her eyes sweep over the blonde's left hand and she doesn't see a diamond. "Lucas and I" she clarifies, "will discuss that subject further when you have a ring. Now, if you'll excuse me- I'm going to go read to my daughter. Please. Leave."

Without looking back once, she follows the same path as her four-year old and climbs into the bed where Dee is waiting with the book. She smiles down at her and says, "Now let's start this book, shall we? This is mommy's first time reading it, too, so we'll get to experience it together."

"Yay!" Delila cheers.

"Chapter one," Brooke begins, "Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents, grumbled  
Jo, lying on the rug."

She read three chapters to Dee before realizing that she was fast asleep. Closing the book softly, she leaned down and kissed her daughter's forehead, "I love you, Delila Grace."

**-x-h-x-h-x-**

"I think Jamie's sick, so I called out for tomorrow." Haley yawns into the phone. "Even if I don't take him to the doctor, I don't want him getting Dee and Brooke sick. Plus, he's really cranky."

Nathan smiles at the other end of the call. "Hales, you don't have to justify it to me. If I know you, you're probably wiping down every surface in the house with disinfectant and will be too tired to function in class tomorrow anyway. Just don't wear yourself down, and get some sleep too."

"Argh," she roars, as quietly as possible, while finishing her disinfecting of the play area in her living room. "You know me too well. Anyway, how was practice tonight?"

"Sucked," he says honestly. "I miss my wife and son."

"They miss you, too," she beams. "They'll be right here after you kick some butt tomorrow and come home."

He laughs, "And if I don't kick some butt?"

"Well, I guess you'll still do, then, too." She jokes back. "Night, babe. I love you."

"Love you, too, Hales."

Hanging up, Haley can't help her happiness. She picks up a picture to wipe down and looks at it. It was taken on the day of James's baptism. Brooke is holding a baby James and Lucas is supporting his head while Haley has her niece and goddaughter on her hip and Nathan is behind them with Dan, Karen and Lily. The photographer had complimented them several times on their gorgeous family.

Haley had to agree. That was the complete family. And it was pretty handsome.

_You know the light has left his face  
But you can't recall just where or why  
And there ain't no talkin to this man  
He's been tryin to tell me so  
It took awhile to understand the beauty of just letting go  
Cause it would take an acrobat, I already tried all that  
I'm gonna let him fly_

_

* * *

_

_**So that's all. Please read and review. I love each and every message from you all.**_

_**-Corey.**_


	3. Don't Let Me Stop You

_**So, this was supposed to be posted last night but my husband was a jerk and I didn't get the chance to type it all. And now it's late and I forget everything that I wanted to say in this AN so if there's anything you want to know and I didn't already answer it- review and ask again and hopefully I'll be a little bit more awake next time I'm writing an AN. **_

_**Once again, thank you so much for the crazy awesome response so far. I have a lot planned coming up in the next two chapters. I hope you enjoy it all.**_

_**

* * *

**_

_Speaking up to you about my  
Emotions has always been hard  
But this just can't wait  
Tonight I feel a little bit brave  
So I won't let one more day pass  
Don't let me stop you  
From doing what you want to do  
You don't wanna stick to just me, it's cool**  
**_

"_Lucas, I think," Brooke stutters out, "I think I might be-"_

_She breaks down in front of him and he doesn't know what to do; he doesn't know what's wrong. He just wraps his arms around her and rubs circles on the small of her back. "Shh," he whispers. "It's okay. I'm here. Just tell me what's wrong."_

"_I lied," she says, just loud enough for him to hear it and he prays she means that she lied about missing him. He prays that she means she can't stand to see him and Peyton together and that she wants to try again._

"_Well, whatever it is, I'm sure we can fix it, pretty girl. Just tell me and we'll attack it together." He's trying to reassure her that nothing she can say will upset him. He'll handle it- for the both of them if he has to._

_She pulls away and looks him right in the eye, "You're gonna hate me, Lucas. This is going to ruin your life. It's going to mess up what you have with Peyton. And I'm so, so sorry but I need to ask you a favor," she implores._

"_Anything, Brooke, what is it?" he's confused about what's going on now. He's still hoping that she has realized that she still loves him but that seems really unlikely. Why would he hate her for that?_

"_I need you to not hate me, Lucas." She has a hard time saying it, almost as if it pains her to even ask such a thing. He just nods and she continues on, "I'm pregnant."_

_Time seems to stand still as he sits in front of her, shocked. She breaks down again, sobbing so hard that her whole body is shaking, and he just holds her and rocks her, trying to take away whatever pain she's feeling. It's natural for him to want that. Except now when he holds her and feels her shaking, he's worried- wondering if this amount of stress is hurting his baby. Finally, she calms down enough to hear him say that it's okay. And they'll get through it._

"_You don't want to know if it's yours," she asks._

_He smiles at her, "What bothers me most is that you lied when I asked you about it the first time. All of this could be avoided. These tears and the stress on you and the baby- they're unnecessary. And anyway It is mine, isn't it? So why would I need to ask?"_

_She nods and looks down, ashamed, "I wouldn't blame you if you asked though. I'm so sorry for everything else. Please don't hate me."_

"_Brooke, you're not that girl. You haven't been her for a long time. And I don't hate you. I never could." He assures her. "Now, tomorrow, since it's so late tonight, I'll tell Peyton. She'll understand. I'll just explain to her that, you know, we love each other and we're going to work this out. She'll have to understand."_

"_Wait a second, Lucas," she says, putting up her hands, like she's literally stopping him. "That's not what I said. I said I was pregnant. I didn't say that I love you or that I want to work this out."_

_He's squinting at her and he doesn't quite get what she's saying to him. "What do you mean? You're pregnant. We're going to work this out. We're going to be a family, Brooke."_

_She shakes her head, "No, Lucas. There are different kinds of families. You can be a part of this baby's life. But what I said last month still goes now. We can't be together; and you can't break up with Peyton for me. Because I'm pregnant. I won't let you do that."_

"_It's not because you're pregnant," he cries. She turns her head away from him, to shut him out. "Look at me!" _

_Lucas doesn't raise his voice a lot and this is one of the first times he ever has to her so her natural reflex is to turn toward him. He cups his hands around her face. "I wanted to you to say that you lied. I wanted you to tell me that you still love me. Brooke, this is just as good. That baby represents all of the love that we have for each other. Why can't you see that? I want you."_

"_No," she says forcefully, "No, you can't say that to me. And no, I won't be that girl. You're with Peyton. You guys are meant to be together and I'm not going to screw it up." _

"_Brooke, please- just," he doesn't even know what to say to that. How can he fight for her if she won't let him?_

_Suddenly, he hears Peyton's voice, "Lucas. Lucas, wake up, it's Brooke."_

"Lucas, Brooke is on the phone."

He looks up, groggily, at Peyton who also looks like she just woke up and sees that it's still dark out. "What time is it?" he asks, taking the phone from her and looking at the alarm clock next to his bed. Three-thirty in the morning. Even Brooke doesn't wake up this early. All of a sudden, he's filled with a sense of panic, "Brooke," he shouts into the phone, worried. "What's wrong? Is Dee okay? Are you okay?"

"Lucas, shh, inside voice. Now, don't freak out but," she pauses. "I need you to come over, like, as soon as you can."

He looks down at his cell phone, incredulously, before yelling, "Don't freak out! She says don't freak out. What the hell Brooke? Where is Dee? Is she okay? Are you okay?"

His heart breaks and he instantly regrets hollering when he hears her choke on a sob on the other end. "I think she's sick, Luke."

Before she even finishes the sentence, he's up and pulling on a pair of sweats. "What do you mean, 'you think' Brooke? Let's try to calm down for a minute, okay? I'm on my way, just keep talking."

"Well," Brooke begins, "I was up because I was thinking about some of the things Peyton said when she came over earlier."

"Whoa, wait." Lucas stops her. "What do you mean 'when she came over earlier'? When was Peyton at your place?"

"Oh, um," Brooke stutters, "anyway, so I just went to check on her, ya know? Because I _am _a good mom."

She says it as if she's trying to convince someone. Lucas laughs, momentarily forgetting that he's confused as hell as to why Peyton would go to Brooke's house, "Yeah, Brooke, I know you're a good mom." He tells her sincerely, "you're a great mom."

"Her covers were off, Lucas, and it's cold so I just," her voice breaks and he can hear her trying to compose herself. "I just wanted to make sure she was warm but when I got over there she was soaked in sweat and I tried to wake her up. But she's really groggy and so I just took her temperature, under her arm, and it's over a hundred and two, Lucas. I think we should go to the hospital."

"Hey," he assures her, "calm down. I'll be right there. When I get there, I'll call the pediatrician, okay? It's going to be okay. She'll be fine."

"Just get here, Lucas," she whispers. "Please."

He hangs up as he's pulling into the townhouse complex that Brooke lives in, waving at the guard as he pulls through. "Everything okay with the girls, Mr. Scott?"

"I think so, Ernie," Lucas smiles, "You know, Brooke. Upset about every little cough. It'll be okay."

"I hope so," the night time guard that has been there since Brooke moved in a little under four years ago says earnestly, "You take good care of them."

Lucas smiles at that. It's nice that someone thinks so; he tends to think that he could do more if only he was under the same roof and Brooke would let him pay for more. "I try."

In less than three minutes, he's in Brooke's driveway. Scrambling to get out of the car and get inside to Brooke as fast as he can, he almost trips over Delila's pink big wheel on the path to the door. He just needs to get inside so he can make everything better for his girls. His family.

* * *

_A lot of things I can take  
Got a high thresh hold for pain  
But let's get one thing straight  
I'm not down to share you with anyone  
Even if I end up brokenhearted_

* * *

How did she get here? She never thought she'd have a baby and not have its father next to her every step of the way. Lucas tries. It's not really his fault that he's not here as much as he should be.

She just thought it'd be better for everyone. A marriage out of necessity because of an unplanned pregnancy wasn't going to help anyone. She refused to tie him down to them; that wouldn't be fair to him.

_After a long talk with Haley, they're sitting in a late night clinic's only room. Brooke doesn't know the odds but she's praying to a higher being that two false positives could happen in her lifetime. She's not sure what she'll do if it's real. _

_When she walked into Lucas's room two weeks ago, it was to tell him the truth so they could get through it together. But that all changed when she saw Peyton there. Reality escaped her and the only thought she had was the all-consuming one that had been plaguing her since the night before the vowel renewal- Peyton's feelings for Lucas. Whenever she sees them together, that's all she thinks of. She forgets that she's potentially carrying Lucas's child and she forgets how much she loves him. Interrupting their laugh session felt like she was invading a foreign country. They both looked at her as if she had just broken something they loved and she felt dirty. She felt unwelcome and rejected by the two of the only people in the world she loved more than life itself. Lucas didn't ask her to leave but he sure wasn't happy to see Peyton stand up to go either. And so, she did what she had to do. She let him go. He obviously didn't want to do it and she was tired of side-stepping facts. _

_Like the fact that he's always going to want- or need, which she's not sure- Peyton more._

_Like the fact that she's always going to be his consolation and he doesn't need consoling anymore. Peyton loves him, too, now._

_Like the glaring fact that once he found that truth out- her heart would break either way. She figured that it'd be easier for her to eventually forgive him, for loving Peyton more, if she's the one who did the breaking up part._

_Because the truth is- she needs to forgive him, baby or not. She's not sure about her survival if she doesn't have him in her life. In some capacity._

_The doctor comes in and she can feel Haley squeeze her hand. She looks over at her and gives her a small, grateful smile. _

"_Well, Miss Davis, the results are in and you're definitely pregnant." The doctor looks at both of them, seemingly concerned. "Now, I'm not sure if you know all of your options- but I have some pamphlets out front if you'd like-"_

_At that point, Brooke cuts her off. "No, I know my options. I'm going to keep my baby." It comes out more shaky than she intended on and she clears her throat to try to get her confidence back._

"_Brooke," Haley says, sensing that the doctor doesn't like her response. "Why don't we get you home so you can sleep for awhile?"_

_The doctor looks between the two girls and scowls, "I think you should really think it over. Talk to your parents and, if you know who it is, talk to the father. You're young. This is a big decision to make on the spur of the moment."_

_Brooke shakes her head. "A- my parents are so absentee that it'd probably make your head spin. Their opinion doesn't matter to me. And two, you don't know me. Do not presume to think that I don't know who the father is. I know who fathered my child and I also know that he won't want me to 'consider my options.'" She air quotes the doctor's key phrase and continues on, "Lucas is going to want me to know our baby because that's who he is. And finally, this is not spur of the moment. I've been thinking about that positive pregnancy test for over two weeks now. And I didn't know what I was going to do until the second you confirmed it but I want my baby, Doctor. There's nothing in this world that I want more."_

_The doctor, clearly stunned at her outburst, just frowns a little and nods her head, "Okay, well then. You'll need to schedule an appointment with an obstetrician as soon as possible. I've already checked and your gynecologist is not an o.b. doctor so you need to find someone else. The night time receptionist can give you a list. In the meantime, I'll write a prescription for you to get some prenatal vitamins. It is imperative that you fill it and begin taking them immediately."_

_Haley takes over because Brooke has seemed to go into a zone and she doesn't seem to be returning. She's trying to figure out how she's telling Lucas, Karen, and her parents. It's irrational but the doctor said she was pregnant and she felt this unbelievable sense of comfort wash over her, even though she had expected panic. She already loves the life inside of her more than she ever felt possible. She watches Haley take the slip from the doctor and then follows her into the waiting room where she talks quietly to the girl behind the desk._

"_You ready, Brooke?" They're the first words Haley has spoken to her in just under twenty minutes._

_Is she ready? That's a loaded question. Ready for what? A baby? No. But she has about seven months to get ready. Ready to be a single parent? She's not sure but she's hoping that Lucas won't let her down. Plus, Karen's about to do it all over again so it can't all be bad. She's not even sure she's ready to go home since she has no home to speak of._

"_Come on, Brooke," Haley says again, this time more forcefully. "Nathan can sleep on the couch tonight and you can take the bed with me. We'll talk about this in the morning, okay?"_

"_Thanks, Hales." Brooke finally speaks. "Can you do me another favor?"_

_Haley smiles, "What do you need?"_

"_Can we not tell anyone just yet? I need some time." She asks, with an uneasy feeling in her stomach. She's basically asking Haley to lie to her husband and her best friend._

"_Sure, Brooke." Haley nods. "It's not my news to tell anyway."_

_It's her news to tell. She just doesn't know who she's telling and how to go about it._

_They ride in silence toward the apartment complex. Haley's driving and Brooke is staring out the window- both of them, lost in thought. About a block before their final turn, Haley pulls over. "Listen, tigger," she says. "You're gonna be okay. You have me and Nate. And Karen and maybe Dan. But, most of all, you have my best friend in the whole world. You have Lucas. He loves you and it's going to be fine. He'll make it fine."_

_It's at that moment that Brooke realizes she was crying. She's not sure how long- she just knows that her face is wet and there are tears gathering at her chin. She nods at Haley because she doesn't know what to say and Haley leans across the center console to wrap her up in a tight hug. She sobs into her shoulder, "Thank you, Hales," she cries, finally finding her voice. "I don't know what I'd do without you."_

"Shh, Brooke, shh. I'm here now." Lucas comforts, wrapping his arms around her and sweeping his lips across her forehead. "I talked to the doctor and he told me what to do to try and break the fever. We have an appointment at ten in the morning. And everything's going to be fine. I'll make it fine."

"Thanks Luke," she bawls into his chest. "Thank you for coming. What would I do without you?"

He smiles; he's always amazed that she doesn't recognize her strength. "You'd be fine. But you'll never have to find out because I'm always gonna be here."

He wants to say that he's just a call away but he doesn't. He hates that he's just a call away. He wants to be here. In bed next to her. She should have been shaking him awake. He loathes their circumstance and sometimes, he wishes he could change it. But Brooke would never let him.

This just has to run it's course.

"Okay, so what do we do?"

"Well, I think I'm probably right in assuming you've given her some Tylenol, right?" he asks.

She nods, "Of course I have."

"Well then, now we just wait," he says. "In two hours, we'll check her temperature again. If it's not lower, we'll give her another dose."

"Wait!" She yells. "You want me to sit here and do nothing? What if she gets worse?"

"Obviously, Brooke," he sighs, trying to stay calm for both of their sakes, "we'll keep checking her. If she gets worse, we'll know. And we'll take her to the emergency room."

"I'm sorry," she looks down, sadly, "it's just that the last time-"

"This isn't last time," he assures her. "This time I'm here. This time everything will be fine."

She nods and for the first time since he walked in he realizes how tired she looks. "I don't suppose you're going to tell me what Peyton said to make you stay up tonight, are you?"

"Not right now, Lucas," she's pleading with her eyes. She doesn't want to talk about whether or not she's a horrible mother because of this Peyton mess at the moment. "I'm tired."

"Okay, that's what I thought." He says with a slight smile. He knows her well; she's going to dodge that forever. "So how about instead, you and I sit over here and watch some late-late night t.v. and you can get some sleep? I promise I'll keep checking on her. I won't let either of you down."

She nods again, "Okay. I'm too tired to fight with you about it."

She's out before they even really sit down. He figures that the day has just been emotionally draining for her. He certainly understands that. He's had some pretty emotionally draining days himself.

Some days that he wishes he could rewind and do over. If he could, he'd do everything differently. Everything except conceive Delila. She's the only thing he doesn't regret when it comes to his love life.

_It's been two days since he jumped into the river to pull his little brother out. At the beginning of last year, he would've watched, waiting for him to drown. Now, it's the second time in less than four months that he's put his own life on the line for Nathan. _

_It's funny how things change._

_There was a time when he'd have given everything he owned to have Peyton Sawyer sitting on his bed. Now, his mind is on a different girl. One he never thought would even look his way. Peyton's best friend- or, at least ex-best friend. Brooke Penelope Davis. Now, he'd give anything and everything to have her on his bed- or, better yet, to just have her answer the phone. So she could tell him where she's staying and what's going on._

_He keeps replaying the wedding reception for Nathan and Haley over in his head. He wants to rewind it, do it over. Then maybe he could hear the truth about that pregnancy test. Even if it's not hers, Brooke knows something about it. It was in her bag and, besides, he's learned enough about her to know when she's lying to his face._

_Eventually- whenever she returns his calls- they're going to have to talk about that. Her lying. The pregnancy test. Whatever is going on between her and Peyton._

_He needs to let her know that he's trying to let her in but she needs to let him in, too. Together, they can fix this. That's all he wants to tell her._

"_Ewww, Lucas, what the hell?" Peyton suddenly laughs._

_He looks up at her, "What?" he asks, confused._

_She's still laughing and she can barely get it out. "You seriously have a Britney Spears song in your library."_

"_Oh," he smiles. "Yeah. I was mixing something for Brooke and that song always makes me think of her."_

_Peyton's eyes drop down and she seems instantly sad. "Oh," she barely whispers. "Well you do know you can delete songs when you're done with them, right?"_

"_Yeah," he says, laughing at the concept. "But I don't want to delete it. Sometimes it randomly plays and then I smile and think of Brooke."_

_Suddenly the door opens and Brooke walks in. Her eyes move from where Peyton is on the bed to where he's sitting at his desk. She doesn't say anything; she just stands there as if she's uncomfortable to be in a room she once lived in._

_He's about to stand up to hug her when Peyton jumps up. "Well Luke, I think I should go. Call me later?" she asks, uncertainly._

"_Okay, sure Peyt," he says nodding in her direction. Then he stands up and walks over to Brooke, pulling her in for a hug. "Where have you been?"_

"_Around," she whispers._

_She's just standing there- stiff as a board. She doesn't hug him back. He's not even sure she's looking at him- more a blank space on the wall behind him. "Hey," he questions softly, "What's been up with you?"_

"_I don't think we work anymore, Lucas." She says it coldly and, if he didn't know better, he'd think that she was ordering fabric- not breaking up with him. There's no emotion in her voice at all. _

"_No," he states strongly. "We can make it work. I'm sorry about the kiss. Really, I am."_

_She shakes her head. "It's not about that. It's not about her. It's about us, Lucas. You. And. Me. I can't remember the last time we had a meaningful conversation and obviously, there are other people you'd rather talk to. You don't miss me and I think that maybe I don't even miss you anymore. You know what? That's okay, Luke. It's okay that you aren't there anymore. But it's also time for me to just let go."_

"_No." He can feel the lump forming in his throat. "You can't- you can't do this to me."_

"_I love you," she says, holding back her own tears now. "But I don't know if that's enough anymore. I can't continue on like this."_

"_Please," he tries again._

"_No, Lucas." She shakes her head. "It's just over."_

_With that, she places a kiss on his forehead and stands up. She walks out his side door before he can find his voice again. And she doesn't look back._

_And he's left wishing for yet another do-over._

He just wants to love her. But that never seemed to be enough- it's still not. So he does the only thing he can.

He checks on his daughter every fifteen minutes and watches Brooke sleep, comforting both of them when they need it.

It's all he has now.

_I won't lie  
I don't wanna hear goodbye  
But either way I'll be alright  
If you wanna leave baby you can leave  
Just don't pretend that you're into me  
If it ain't true, no  
Don't let me stop you_

* * *

_**Once again, thanks for reading- and please review. They make my day.**_

_**-Corey 3**_


	4. I Need You

_**Okay, so, one I wanted to say that although there will be Naley in this story- there's no major drama planned for them. I love Naley. But I love them being happy and in love. And a family. I need Naley- especially Haley- in this story mostly for the support that they are to Brooke and Lucas. So while you'll see them- and I promise that there will be some cute happy scenes- I'm not doing any Naley story arcs. I've tried to write them- I'm just not that good at it.**_

_**Two, and this is a very big one. And I'm very sorry if it offends anyone. I write for two reasons. 1) it helps me to release whatever emotions I'm feeling and 2) I feel like Lucas gets a raw deal and his motivations are never made clear and I always intend to fix that in my writing. Always. I know that I ask you to review. I want everyone to review, good or bad. I'm okay with constructive criticism. Although, it would be nice- if you're going to criticize me- for you to just sign in so I can respond back if I choose to. As a matter of fact, I may turn anonymous reviews off because I like the respond option. I just want to state that for the record, I love Lucas. I don't hate him on the show- so I most certainly do not hate him in my writing. And I'd never write Lucas in a way in which I felt portrayed him badly. I'm sorry if some of you think he's being an ass. I'm sorry if some of you feel he's not treating Brooke right. Honestly, what's most important to me is that he's there for Brooke. And he is. That's more important than sleeping with her or being with her any day of the week. IMO, he has to be there before he can be anything else. And IMO, that's where the real writer's of the show go wrong with EVERY couple on the show. I'm also sorry that some of you think he's stringing Peyton along. He's not. If you'll just take the time to read- and I mean really read because Lucas in no way 'dumped Brooke and ran to Peyton'- and understand the flashbacks- you'll understand what's going on. I would say that you'll figure out LP's relationship by chapter seven. I cut two scenes out of this chapter because I liked the line I ended on- or you may have gotten the flashbacks for LP in chapter 6. But meh. Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is if you're so used to hating Lucas that you can't open yourself up to a decent Lucas- that's fine. Either, don't read. Or keep the Lucas hate to a minimum. It really affects my ability to write- if someone hates my Lucas. Believe me. This update should have been up yesterday but I just couldn't get into it.**_

_**Moving on, I have a timeline that I'm going to post for you all in the beginning of next chapter. Mainly so you can see the order in which things happened. I just didn't want to do it until you got a few more flashbacks.**_

_**I'm going to end this crazy long AN now. I'm sure I'm not saying all that I want to. But I've said a lot. I want to thank the vast majority for the awesome response to this, as well. And also, I would like to dedicate this chapter to Sara. Because she made me a BL vid today and it is beautiful. And to Maranda, who made a video for this fic and I'm going to post it for you next chapter. Everyone else- hope you enjoy :)**_

_**Disclaimer: I only do this every couple of chapters- but I don't own OTH. If I did, BL would be a weekly occurrence and BG would still be with us.**_

_**

* * *

**_

_If it is the rain of every day  
that has increased its level  
the music has not the same  
effect that used to have before _

She rushes out of the bathroom and into her bedroom in just a towel, feeling his eyes on her as he dresses their little girl in the room opposite hers. They have a good forty-five minutes to get to the pediatrician's office but Brooke always likes to get there early. It's the one thing that she's not late for ever. Delila's doctor appointments. They're too important to miss.

The little girl is completely oblivious to the fact that her dad barely slept more than a couple of hours last night and her mom didn't even get that. She's running around her room like a little ball of energy and Lucas is laughing at her because he'd rather that than her sick in bed. Anything is better than to watch her suffer.

"Hey," he yells from their daughter's room. "Didn't I tell you everything would be fine?"

She pulls a sweater over her head and shakes out her hair, "You don't get to be smug yet. Let's see the doctor first. Besides, Jamie has been sick since yesterday morning so maybe she had a flu bug and we both know how serious that can get."

Millicent is in running the boutique all by herself this morning, which is something that Brooke hates to do. She likes to attend to her store personally. After all, it's her livelihood and her dream and she likes to see it through every day. She usually is there well before it opens and she's almost always the one to lock up at night, too. There was about a month and a half, when Delila was a little over eighteen months, that she had to close it down. The only reason she was able to keep it at all was because Lucas paid all of the bills. Otherwise, she'd have lost her dream completely.

As she's pinning her bangs back, Lucas comes in behind her and wraps his arms around her shoulders. "Brooke, that doesn't happen everytime. And it wasn't your fault. You're an amazing mother."

She leans into him, allowing herself to be comforted even if it's only for a minute. Then she looks straight into his eyes so that he can't lie to her, "You really think that Luke?"

"Think what? That you're a good mom?" he asks and she nods. "Absolutely, I think that. And coming from me that's a pretty big compliment. I mean, I had a great mom. I know what it looks like."

"Do you think that me keeping Peyton away from Dee is a bad thing?" She asks quietly, scared of his answer. "Do you think I'm doing it out of spite because she has you?"

All of a sudden, it clicks inside of him and his arms are stiff around her. "She came over here and told you that you were a bad mother, didn't she?"

Brooke tries to free herself from his arms but they tighten around her, "You listen to me- I am Delila's father. And you are her mother. She was made out of all the love that I have inside of me and I really hope that you feel the same way. But I don't have to hope because I know. I can tell in the way you love her and protect her. She means everything to you and you are the best mom. Don't let _anyone _tell you any differently. Peyton screwed up and she's trying to make up for it. But I'm on your side when it comes to our daughter, Brooke. And you don't have to let her see Peyton until you're ready to let them see each other. Plus you're the least spiteful person I know and if you were trying to spite anyone over that, wouldn't it be me?"

"Thanks, Luke," she says, sighing into his chest. "Now, if you don't mind- I can't breathe."

She looks up at him, trying to hold in her laugh but fails. They both turn into two idiots, leaning against the bathroom counter, laughing hysterically and all of the tension flows out of their bodies. They really needed that.

"You guys," Delila commands, like a little grown-up, "If you keep playing around in here all day, I'm going to be late to the doctors. Can we please get a move on? I wanna take daddies car; he has a DVD player and I can watch Cinderella."

Brooke follows Lucas and Delila down the stairs, lost in her own thoughts. She isn't trying to be spiteful. At least, she hopes she's not.

* * *

_I feel like I've lost all forces now  
to jump and grab the sun  
and no matter how much I try  
I can't listen to my own voice. _

_

* * *

  
_

"_Thank you for taking her on such short notice, Peyton," Brooke says, looking around the apartment that Lucas and his girlfriend just recently moved into. "Haley has finals and Lily isn't feeling well and I cannot miss this appointment."_

_Peyton smiles and puts her arms out for Dee, "No problem, Brooke. Thank you for thinking of me to ask."_

_Brooke hands over her eleven-month old and nods, "Really, you're doing me a favor."_

_As she turns to pick up the bags, helping Peyton into the living room, a picture on the bookshelf catches her eye. It's of Lucas and Delila, hours after she was born. "I have that same picture of them in the nursery," she says, pointing it out to her ex-best friend._

"_Yeah?," Peyton counters uncomfortably. "It's one of Luke's favorites. I hate it. He looks so tired and she doesn't look anything like that anymore. But he loves it so there it is. Front and center."_

_Brooke ignores the underlying bitterness in her tone because she needs a babysitter and she needs to learn to deal with Peyton again. "I took it," she informs her. "It's one of my all time favorites. He has that look in his eyes."_

"_What look?"_

"_You know," Brooke clarifies. "That crazy in love look."_

_Peyton laughs, "I've never noticed."_

"_Well, then," Brooke says, trying her best to smile. "You'll have to pay closer attention." _

_She reaches over, kisses her baby on the forehead, and coos, "You be good for Peyton and remember, mommy loves you."_

_The moment she moves to leave, Dee starts fussing and she knows that her daughter will be in a full-on cry by the time she's out the door. She wonders if that would've happened if she'd have just let Peyton spend more time with her. She forces herself out the door, blocking out Peyton comforting her child. She may not like it but it's something she has to teach herself to get over._

_It's the first time she's admitting to herself, since Delila's birth, that Peyton is going to be in this baby's life. Lucas will probably even marry her. She can't stop the tears that quickly fill her eyes as that thought enters her mind. She can only hope that Dee will always love her more than Peyton, which is something her father never accomplished._

**_-x-l-x-l-x-_**

_When Lucas gets home two hours later, Peyton and Delila are both napping in their beds. He shakes Peyton awake, "Hey, did you steal her from her mother?" he whispers._

_Peyton looks confused for a minute before she figures out that he's point towards the crib in the spare bedroom. "Oh no!" she responds. "Brooke's babysitter fell through and she had no choice. God, your kid has a set of lungs. I wonder where she gets that from."_

_Lucas completely ignores the insinuation about Brooke and asks, "She's been crying? Is she okay?"_

_She nods," Yeah, as soon as Brooke left. She quieted down after awhile though."_

"_For how long?" Lucas questions again, visibly concerned._

"_God, Luke." She says, raising her voice, indignantly. "Don't you trust me? She's not crying now. She wouldn't have cried at all if she knew me. But she doesn't. Brooke makes sure of that and you don't stick up for me. You don't stick up for us!"_

_He rolls his eyes at the theatrics and plays into it. "And what does that mean? I don't stick up for us?"_

"_Brooke took that picture," she accuses, pointing to the picture that she had brought into the bedroom with her. "You said you loved it because it reminds you of Haley- because she took it. That's not true! Brooke did. She said so."_

"_Okay. Brooke took the damn picture," he goes back at her. "I love it because it's the first picture ever of my daughter and me. I'm sorry that I forgot who took it. A lot of people were in and out of that hospital room that day."_

_Peyton sighs, "Yeah, everyone but me."_

"_Peyt- if the situation were reversed—"_

"_No," she stops him. "There is no reversed situation. There'd be no reversed situation. If you were with someone new when I found out I was pregnant, I'd tell you and you love me so you'd come back to me. There's no way to reverse the situation. And I'd never be Brooke and have a baby with no love involved."_

_Lucas looks at her puzzled, "I have no idea what you're saying right now."_

"_I'm saying if I were Brooke, that baby wouldn't be here." It's quiet but she says it. _

_Before he can respond to her, Delila starts crying in the other room and they both move to get her._

"_I've got her," Lucas says forcefully._

_Peyton looks at him, baffled, "Don't you have a practice to get to?" she asks, as he picks the baby up out of the crib._

"_They'll deal without me. Besides Whitey is there. He's head coach. He can handle it." He states, "My daughter needs me here."_

"_Brooke left her with me." Peyton assures. "Really, we're fine."_

"_Well I'm her father and I'm releasing you from babysitting duty." He smiles down into Dee's blue eyes, "Daddy's here now."_

_Delila giggles up at him and reaches for his nose. "What's that, Dee? He coos, "Is that daddy's nose? You've got my nose."_

_She lets out a high-pitched squeal and all of a sudden, Peyton sees it. The look. The crazy in love look that Brooke was talking about. _

"_I'm sorry about what I said before, Luke," she apologizes. "I shouldn't have. I know how much you love her."_

_He just nods, "I do love her. Let's forget about it, okay?" There's no clarification of her but he knows Peyton means Delila. But there's another brunette he loves that makes her comment out of line, too, and she's not even thinking about her._

"So Brooke, Lucas," the doctor says smiling at them, "to what do we owe this visit?"

Lucas takes Brooke's hand and pulls Dee closer to him on his lap. "Well, Delila here had a slight fever last night. It took four hours to break it."

The doctor nods, "Okay, Delila Grace Scott, how about you hop off your dad's lap for me and come over here so I can take a look?"

She looks up at Lucas, who nods and gently sits her on the examining table. "She's such an actress." Brooke says, laughing. "She's never shy."

The doctor looks over Delila and then sends her out into the waiting room with a nurse and sits down with them. "I was told this was an emergency visit. She had what looks like less than twenty-four hours of the flu. And she has no residual effects from it. You guys do this every time there's a cough. Do you want me to schedule an appointment for a chest x-ray, too?"

"No, that won't be—" Lucas begins, but Brooke cuts him off and he sighs and motions for her to continue on.

"Yes, please. I just want to know for sure."

The doctor sighs, "I understand why you worry, Brooke. Really, I do. I have a couple of kids at home too."

"Have you ever watched one of them turn blue because they weren't getting enough air, doctor?" she asks pointedly.

He shakes his head, "No, I haven't. But I would walk through fire for them. I understand a parent's love. You need to understand that she's going to get colds. There's not always something serious behind it and you're wasting money on an x-ray."

"Lucas, do you mind paying for it?" she asks, pleading with her eyes.

He shakes his head, "I don't mind."

"Okay, good then. It's settled. For my piece of mind, please order it and we'll pay for it. Thank you."

The doctor writes on a pad, "Here's the prescription for the x-ray and if you have any questions afterwards, you're free to call me. Either of you."

Brooke nods and walks out the door and Lucas smiles, "You have to understand. She just wants her to be okay."

"I know. She's got to learn to trust that she will be though."

"Thank you, Doctor." He says again, "Thank you for this."

He walks out of the room wondering what it's like to watch your child turn blue. He'll pay for however many x-rays he has to to erase that fear from Brooke's mind.

He just wishes that he was there to help divide her fear, when it happened.

* * *

_I haven't learned it  
And I feel lost like I'm lost  
as a needle in the middle of the sea  
I submerge  
among my loneliness_

* * *

"_Come on, Lucas." Brooke moans into the phone, "You need to pick up."_

_It's the fourth time she's called him and she refuses to leave him a message. On the fifth time, she hears him pick up and apologize to someone, saying that he must take this call. "What's up, Brooke?" He asks, sounding slightly annoyed, "I told you I'd be in meetings all day. I really hope she said Daddy or something equally important."_

"_Lucas." It's all Brooke can get out. She sounds broken and Lucas automatically goes into panic mode._

"_Where are you?" He can hear a faraway voice and beeping and assumes she's at the hospital. "What's wrong?"_

"_I'm- I'm in," she's stuttering and he hears his father in the background asking for the phone._

"_Lucas," Dan's voice comes through the line, but he's more focused on Brooke's gut-wrenching sobs that have faded into the background than he is on what anyone is telling him. "Lucas, I know you're busy and this is your dream."_

_He snaps to attention. "What's wrong?" he repeats. Only this time, he's scared to death to hear the answer._

_He's running all kinds of scenarios through his head. Haley lost the baby. Nathan was seriously injured. His mom or sister sick or hurt. His brain refuses to focus on the two people that he, intellectually, knows this is about. It won't let him picture either one of them hurt._

"_It's Delila," he hears and, inside, he starts to crumble. "We're at the hospital. She's not breathing on her own." Dan pauses then and he can tell that his father is trying to swallow tears himself. "Luke, you need to get here. Brooke's inconsolable."_

_Dan talks more, explaining that Delila woke up in the middle of the night with a slightly raised temperature which slowly turned into a one hundred and four point three degree fever. And Brooke couldn't break it- no matter what she tried. Lucas listens intently while booking a flight home immediately on Lindsey's computer. He's got a four hour flight and a half hour drive to the hospital once he gets there. And that's after he gets through security at the airport. Hopefully, he makes his plane. _

"_I'm leaving now, Dan." Lucas informs him, "Tell Brooke I'll be there as soon as I can."_

_As soon as he can just isn't soon enough, though, and he feels completely helpless._

_His potential editor watches as he runs around- finalizing arrangements and making sure the hotel will send his things, since he doesn't have the time to go back. "Mr. Scott, can we please get back to the contract?"_

_He shakes his head. "I'm sorry; I have to go."_

"_What?" she asks, clearly bewildered._

"_My daughter is sick. I have to go." He finally has his confirmation printed and he's halfway to the door when he turns and says, one more time, "I'm sorry. Please, send them to my home address and I'll go over them."_

_With that, he exits the office into the chilly October New York City air and hails a cab. He needs to get home._

**_x-b-x-l-x-_**

_A little under six hours later, he's finally on his way to the fourth floor of Tree Hill General Hospital. His family are all in the children's wing waiting area and his eyes instantly search for Brooke's._

_She's sitting between his mom and Haley and she looks so broken that his heart breaks even more. He walks right over to her and kneels down, pulling her into a tight hug._

"_I'm sorry, " she speak softly. "I'm so, so sorry. I didn't want to bother you and then she just started turning blue. And, oh my God, I'm such a bad mother."_

_She breaks off then, losing the ability to speak at all to her sobs. "Shh," he comforts, smoothing her hair back. "You are the best mom." He pulls back and looks her in the eye so that she'll see how sincere he is. "The absolute best, Brooke. I'm sorry that I wasn't here. But I am now. Everything is going to be okay."_

_She looks skeptical but buries her face in his chest anyway, mumbling. The only two things he can derive from it is that she's glad to see him and that she missed him._

_It's an uncomfortable position but they stay that way for a long time. Finally, a doctor appears and calls, "I'm looking for a Mrs. Scott."_

_Everyone looks at Haley, the only Mrs. Scott in the room, confused and she just shrugs. The doctor continues reading down the chart and says, "Oh wait, I'm sorry. The child's last name is Scott."_

_Before he can even correct himself, saying Brooke's real name, they are up and in front of him. "We're Delila Scott's parents." Lucas asks, "Do you know what's wrong?"_

_He looks at them sympathetically, "Has the patient had a nagging cough at all? Or any persistent colds?"_

"_A couple of weeks ago," Brooke nods. "I gave her some children's Tylenol and cough medicine for a few days. She's been fine since."_

_Lucas tries to remember how long ago that was. "That was the week that she and I went to the new petting zoo alone because you had to work that Saturday. The first week of October."_

_The doctor writes that down on the chart and his head bobs up and down. "Okay, well, it seems that maybe that cold was never really fully taken care of. Your daughter has pneumonia in both lungs. One was about half filled and the other was almost completely filled, which was causing her to have problems breathing. We have started a strict regimen of antibiotics. She'll be here for awhile recuperating and then she'll have to have some time at home to recuperate. It's a very slow healing process. We've also drained the fluid already so she's breathing much better now. You may go see her now. She's in room 413. We'll have to discuss more later about proper care."_

"_Thank you," Lucas says and then follows Brooke down the hall to his baby's room._

He doesn't know what he'd do without her.

_I really need you my love__  
wherever you are now  
I need all your love  
Cause you are part of me  
I need you right here  
Cause I can't live without you _

* * *

_**Hope you all enjoyed. Please review. And once again- sorry for the rant. :/**_

_**-Corey**_


	5. Again

_**Okay, so here's another update. The song title and lyrics(though a little mixed up) are an old Janet Jackson song that has literally helped me write this chapter. I want to start with a little thank you to the reviewers. You're all so awesome. Special shout-out to Tanya (.Cinnamon) I so look forward to your PMs and reviews. It's so nice to rant and not feel insane. **_

_**Also, I promised you all a time line and I wanted to answer one question that I got multiple times in the past two chapters. Lucas is still a writer. In the flashbacks, you're going to see his dream unfold. So yeah, he has a decent amount of money. Plus, he coaches (as in the show). Brooke's parents disowned her. In the show, as much as I hate to admit it, it was pretty clear that her mom helped her with the startup money for the empire. So she obvs. doesn't have an empire. It's a boutique. It's small. Think Karen's Café. I'm paralleling them. She started it with a baby on her hip. And Lucas helps her as much as she allows.**_

_**The timeline goes sort of like this *I'm leaving out that which you haven't gotten or won't get this chapter.***_

_**Naley wedding  
2 days later, BL break up.  
2 weeks later, Brooke gets confirmation about her pregnancy.  
about a week later, LP start dating (I'm really not going to go into how that happened. Just for the sake of the story, PD happened- the first time only. And Lucas was comforting her and it just sorta spiraled.)  
A week after that, Brooke tells Lucas about the pregnancy.  
2-3 weeks later, she moves in (she was with NH til then)  
About 6 months later, they graduate and the baby is born. (May *2007*)  
LP breakup around June *2008*  
Delila gets sick around Nov. *2008*  
James is born Feb. *2009*  
LP got back together around March *2010*  
We're now in Nov. *2011*  
**_

_**I hope that helps all of you who were wondering. It's just a recap of what you know so far really. Or what you will know once this chapter is over. This chapter has a scene in it, which has been planned since the very beginning. Thanks to Maranda. Who is the smut queen. I obviously am not the smut queen so I hope it lives up to what she was hoping for. I'm much more modest about it. Haha.**_

_**Also- she surprised me with a video for this fic. Go see it please! **__**  
h t t p : / / w w w . i m e e m . c o m / m g i b s o n 6 8 3 3 / v i d e o / l R 8 g 3 6 u r / m a r a n d a - d o n t - l o o k - a w a y - b r o o k e - a n d - l u c a s - t v - v i d e o /**_

_**And the video I was talking about last chapter which is amazingly made by Sara is here:  
**__**h t t p : / / w w w . y o u t u b e . c o m / w a t c h ? v = f N T h H S 6 j K C o  
**_

_**Just take out the spaces :)  
**_

_**Now, without any more of this horrendously long AN, I really hope you enjoy. I wasn't too thrilled with it- just so you know.**_

_**

* * *

**How can I be strong I've asked myself  
Time and time I've said  
That I'll never fall in love with you again_

"But, mom," Delila drags out the word for what feels like five minutes. "You said that I could."

She's stubbornly fighting with Brooke about keeping a play date for tomorrow. Her will is just as strong as her mother's and Lucas is sure she's going to win. "I said," Brooke starts, "that you could if you relax tonight."

"Can daddy stay over tonight?" she asks. "Daddy always stays when I'm sick and I only have to relax when I'm sick. Am I sick?"

Brooke looks back at her and smiles, "You aren't sick. Mommy's just being cautious. Daddy has his own house to sleep at; remember, Peyton's here right now."

"Peyton's going home today," Lucas informs them.

Brooke looks over at him in disbelief, "I didn't know that."

"Why would you?" Lucas asks. "You avoid the subject of when she's here and when she's going like the plague."

He tries to be nice about it but he feels torn. Peyton is his girlfriend. They've been together a long time and while he feels the need to always defend Brooke's status in his life to her; sometimes, he just wants them to get along again. But he knows that it's never going to happen and mostly, he lives with it. It's just that when she's looking at him like that, like it's a crime that he didn't tell her Peyton's leaving sooner; he just doesn't know how to feel.

"You spent Peyton's last night in Tree Hill at my house?" Brooke states incredulously. "You can't do things like that, Lucas!"

Lucas sighs, "You may be a mom, Brooke, but you're not mine. Got it?"

"Whatever, I guess you don't remember last time," she retorts, glaring at him. He pulls up into the driveway of Brooke's townhome and goes to turn off the engine. "Don't bother, Luke. Go home and spend time with her before she leaves. Are you trying to sabotage your relationship?"

He turns to Delila, "Sweetie, can you please go wait by the door for us?" he asks her. "We'll be right there."

Once she's out of the car, he gives Brooke a long, hard look. "Whether or not I'm one hundred percent invested in any relationship other than the one I have with our daughter is none of your damn business. To answer your question, though, you called me at three o'clock in the morning. My daughter was sick. She will always come first. If you don't understand that, then no one will."

Brooke sighs, exhausted. "Luke, I don't want to fight. But I know you love her and I really want it to work out for you." She looks at their little girl standing at the door watching them intently. "I do get it. I should've thought before I called you last night. I wasn't thinking."

"Thank God you weren't." He turns to her and moves her head toward his with just a finger on her chin, "I want to be there. I want to- for you and for Dee. If Peyt doesn't understand that, she doesn't need to be in my life."

She nods and pulls him in for a hug, "I'm sorry. I guess I'm just tired. I shouldn't presume to tell you what to do."

"No," he laughs. "You shouldn't. But that being said, I should go home to say good bye to her at least. Be back later tonight?"

She smiles, "I'll let Delila know and I'll get a bed ready for you."

"Thanks, Brooke."

"Anytime."

He watches her get out of the car and walk over to Dee. She bends down and whispers to her. His daughter looks up, smiles, and waves to him. When he sees that, he smiles to himself. He just has to go say bye to Peyton and then he can come spend the night with his girls.

_**-x-l-x-l-x-**_

He walks into his silent house, almost fooled into thinking that he was wrong about Peyton's flight and she left earlier. Then he sees her. She's sitting at the kitchen table looking at a picture. He has a pretty good idea of the picture just by the frame. It's pink and purple and shaped like the number one.

"I thought I missed you," he says turning on the light.

"You know," she speaks quietly, "I've been in this kitchen all day. All day, Luke. Just waiting for a call or something. Hell, I don't even know what was wrong with Delila. For all I knew, you didn't even make it to Brooke's because I never got a call. You didn't even tell me you were going. I was sitting there, waiting for an explanation, and you just leave. No wave. No good bye. Nothing."

He sighs heavily, "Are we going to have this fight for the six millionth time tonight?"

"What's the point?" she asks. "I'm wasting my breath. Nothing's changed. I'm not a priority now. I wasn't then," she points to the picture in her hands. "I can't remember the last time I ranked in your top three priorities."

"Oh really?" he questions, prying the frame from her hands. "And what, might I ask, are my top three priorities then?"

"Her," Peyton points to the baby in the picture and then moves to point to her mother, "and her. And your means to support them."

"She's my daughter, Peyt." He drags out daughter in an extremely frustrated voice. "She's going to be number one. I'm sorry if you can't understand it."

Shaking her head, she stands up, "This is becoming too much like another conversation that I remember all too well. I'm gonna go, Luke. When you're ready to be my boyfriend, you know where to find me."

He watches her walk out, knowing that eventually he's going to have to apologize. Even if he doesn't know what he's apologizing for. He's just taking care of his family.

* * *

_A wounded heart you gave,  
My soul you took away  
Good intentions you had many,  
I know you did_

* * *

"_Are you sure you have enough pink and purple in here, Brooke?" Nathan laughs, taking in her dining room, which is currently housing every decoration for Dee's first birthday party extravaganza._

_Haley smacks him and rolls her eyes toward her friend, dramatically. "Ignore him," she tells her. "He has way too much testosterone for his own good."_

_He smirks, "Yeah, so unlike Lucas, I'm sure I'll make boys. No pink for me."_

"_Dude," Lucas says, walking in. "Say what you will, but my little girl is better than a boy any day. And I'd lay money on that."_

_Karen comes in behind him, carrying Lily, and trailing behind her is Peyton- making the whole room tense. Brooke looks around before asking, "Where are Dan and Delila?"_

"_He's just picking up the cake," Lucas informs her. "Dee was a traitor this morning and only wanted him so he has her."_

"_Hah," Brooke exclaims, pointing at him as if she just won something. "See, she doesn't choose you always."_

"_She chose my dad, Brooke." He laughs, "That's different."_

"_Anyway, I really needed Dan. Now I have to wait to set up." Brooke sighs in an overly theatrical manner._

_Lucas raises an eyebrow at her, "What do you need?"_

"_Eh," she goads, "I'll wait for a man to get here."_

_Lucas holds up a hand to Nathan, who's about to take the bait. "I know what you're doing Brooke. It won't work."_

"_But, Luke," she moans, drawing out his name. "I need it moved."_

"_That couch is the heaviest thing I've ever lifted. I told you that if you got it, I wouldn't move it."_

_She pouts and turns to Nathan, "How much do you love me, Natey?"_

"_Just how heavy is this thing, Luke?" Nathan asks, ignoring Brooke._

"_Lucas doesn't love me at all." Brooke tries again._

_He shakes his head. "Nate I'm gonna need your help. Where do you want it?" he grunts toward Brooke._

_Her smile doubles in size as she begins to direct him and Nathan as to what goes where in the living room. When it's just the girls left, Brooke takes Lily out of Karen's arms and coos, "Well, aren't you getting big, Miss Lily?" she asks, while the girl smiles up at her. "Almost as big as your niece."_

"_She's only three months younger," Karen reminds her, beaming. "Do you need me to do anything?"_

"_Did you remember the food?" Brooke asks._

_She laughs, "Of course. It's all in Dan's truck."_

_Haley groans, "Hopefully there's food left when he gets here. I'm starving."_

"_Then no," Brooke says in relief. "Everything is ready. We're just waiting on the guys and guests now."_

_They all turn at the sound of Dan's laughing at his boys in the living room. He tells them, "Hold on; I'll be right back in."_

_When he enters the kitchen, Delila lights up at the sight of her mom. "Where's Mommy?" he asks his granddaughter, in a conspirator voice. She bounces up and down excitedly, clapping in his arms, and pointing at Brooke. "Here," he says, handing her to her mom. "My sons are going to hurt themselves in there if I don't go them how it's done."_

_He puffs out his chest, mockingly, and yells in, "Ready for me?"_

_Everyone in the room laughs and the tension drops a notch. If only for a moment._

_**-x-b-x-l-x-**_

_Brooke's house has been full of friends and family for over three hours when they decide that it's time for presents and cake. They're both hoping people start to leave after the two rituals. Dee is getting more cranky as each minute passes and they want to get as many people out as they can before she starts screaming her head off non-stop._

_Lucas gathers everyone in the dining room after what feels like three hours of unwrapping gifts and Brooke has the cake set up by the time he herds the last of the guests in. It's very much a team effort. It has been all day. Brooke takes Delila out of her daddy's arms and walks over to the cake. She points to Lucas, "Smile at Daddy, baby." She coos, "He'll take a picture of us."_

_Lucas snaps a picture of Brooke, Dee, and the pink, crown-shaped birthday cake in front of them before handing the camera off to Haley. "I want one of the three of us."_

_Haley counts, "One, two, three, cheeeese!"_

_She takes note of the fact that Brooke's smile widens considerably once Lucas wraps his arms around them. She watches her friend lean into his family as they turn to smile toward another camera for another picture. Also, she takes note of the retreating figure in the kitchen. Peyton shrinks out the back door without a second glance and, while, she doesn't blame her- she lets out a sigh of relief too._

_It's a hard situation for all of them. This is the first time that Peyton is seeing Brooke and Lucas be Mom and Dad at the same time, in the same room. Lucas, aware of this, has been walking on eggshells all day. He didn't want to do something to upset either woman. But by mid-day, he crossed over that line when Brooke got upset and he was the one to rush to her side and talk her through her mini-breakdown. And Brooke had been doing her best to be nice to Peyton but it's not the same and everyone knows it. It won't ever be the same._

_Delila Grace claps her hands and lets out a loud squeal as her mom blows out the candle on the cake. Lucas cheers and pumps his fists up in the air but something's changed. Most people wouldn't even notice it, but Haley knows her best friend. He's off, all of a sudden. His eyes have searched the room and come up empty. His girlfriend is gone and he knows it. _

_The only real problem with that is he's not sure how to feel about it. Should he be disappointed that she left or relieved that he doesn't have to worry about her feelings anymore? "Who wants cake?" he asks aloud, beginning to slice and plate the round crown cake._

_**-x-b-x-l-x-**_

_The apartment is dark when he finally walks through the door at a little past nine. He flips the switch for light and is startled to see Peyton sitting in front of him on the couch. _

"_Whoa," he jumps. "You scared me. I was wondering where you were."_

"_When?"_

"_When, what?" he asks, confused._

_She looks at him, the sadness apparent in her face. "When do you start to miss me?"_

_He sighs, "Why did you leave?" He figures it's better to just ignore her trick question. It's bound to start a fight no matter what he says._

"_Umm, let me think, "She says sarcastically. "I felt that Chinese torture might be better than watching you being a family with her. And, once I had that thought, it was pretty easy for me to make the decision to get out of there."_

"_Being a family? What?" he mumbles, clearly not understanding. "I don't get it. I'm her dad. I am her family."_

"_Not Delila!" she yells. "Brooke! I mean Brooke."_

"_I wasn't-" he starts to deny._

"_Oh, don't give me that," she sneers. "You were, too. Brooke's upset that her parents still choose not to be here. Who comforts her? You do. She had other friends there. Haley's pregnant. Who was the first to know? Brooke." She rambles, "Please don't tell me that you weren't. Because you were. You all were. She. Is. Not. A. Scott." She punctuates every word. "Her daughter may be- but that's it. You all need to stop treating her like she's your wife."_

"_Pey- don't be ridiculous." He says, "I'm tired, okay? I've had a long day; I'm not going to fight with you. I know Brooke isn't my wife."_

"_Ridiculous!?" she exclaims. "You think I'm being ridiculous? Lucas, give me some credit. I have eyes."_

"_What do you want me to do?" He finally snaps at her. "I can't help that Haley and Brooke talk a lot. I can't help that my mom is close to Brooke; they've always been close."_

"_No, you're right. You can't." she concedes. "But most parents who aren't together have separate birthdays. Next year, we can do that."_

_He laughs, humorlessly. "I really hope you're joking." When she stares at him stonily and stays silent, he continues, "I never had a dad at my birthday parties. I will be damned if I'm going to do that to my kid."_

"_Well, if I have to sit through one more event like that," she warns him, "you will come home to a dark and empty apartment every night of the week."_

"_What is that supposed to mean?" he asks incredulously. _

"_I'm sick of coming third or fourth, Luke," she tells him. "This isn't what I signed on for. I need to be a priority."_

_Lucas can feel his anger building as he lets out a low growl. "If you're asking me to choose between you and my daughter, you know where the door is. Don't let it hit you on the way out."_

_Peyton shakes her head and holds her ground. "I'm asking you to choose between me and Brooke."_

"_I can't cut Brooke out of my life, Peyt." He starts, "Not just because she's Delila's mom- it's more than that."_

"_Do you still love her?" It's quick and quiet and it just hangs in the air between them, filling the tension._

_He looks away, unable to watch Peyton's face fall even further as he answers. "I'll always love her," turning back toward her, he assures her, "but it's not like that, with us, anymore."_

_Her eyes are filled with tears and he knows that she doesn't know what he's saying so he goes on, "I'm with you. I love you."_

_He's not sure either of them believes him but she nods her head and blinks away the tears, "I love you, too."_

_She walks over and pulls him into a hug. "Let's just forget about this."_

_He's not sure he can. The room feels like it just constricted to half the size and he's suffocating. "I'm gonna go for a run."_

_He pulls away from her and walks out the door, "I'll be back," he yells over his back without once turning to look at her fallen face._

_

* * *

I've come too close to happiness,  
To have it swept away  
Don't think I can take the pain  
Never fall again  
Kinda late in the game  
And my heart is in your hands  
Don't you stand there and then tell me  
You love me  
Then leave again_

* * *

The basketball bounces on the court and for each time it hits, Lucas feels like hitting something. Anything. He just needs to get this feeling away from himself. She's never going to understand. It's been over since before Delila was born. He just never really realized it until the night of her first birthday. This place usually erases everything from his mind but when it comes to this- it just doesn't.

She's never going to understand that prioritizing Delila means prioritizing Brooke. And why should it matter to her if they're friends or not? It's none of her business. He wouldn't let her tell him to stop talking to Haley or Skills. This is the same thing, isn't it?

Even as he thinks it, he knows that it's not. He's in love with Brooke. More than he's ever been with Peyton. But there's nothing he can do that'll make Brooke want to be with him, so he's trying to move on. He needs her in his life. As more than Dee's mother, and he takes what he can get. Maybe that's not fair to Peyton, but she knew what she was getting into this time around. She already knew all of this when they got back together.

"Hey, man," he hears his brother say, "what'd the court do to you?"

"It sure isn't giving me any answers." He stops pounding the ball against the blacktop and looks up at his brother. "I remember a time when I could come here and it would all just fade away."

Nathan laughs, "Nothing's that simple anymore. Haley said Dee was sick last week, too. Is she okay?"

He nods, "Yeah, she's fine. Brooke wanted to go get an x-ray to be sure so we did."

"Haley also said that Peyton was here last week and had Brooke very upset. Is everything okay?"

Lucas walks over to the bench and sits facing the river. He can't remember the last time everything was okay. That's a lie. He remembers. It was just so long ago. The last time he was truly at peace with everything in his life was before the school shooting. Everything went downhill so fast after it and he might take a couple of steps forward every once in a while, but he always feels like he's going backward more. For the first time in years, he's honest. "No, everything's not okay." He looks up at his brother. "Brooke and I had a fight about it because she's all team Lucas needs to be with Peyton. And I didn't even get to yell at Peyton for it because she picked a fight about my priorities that night. And we haven't talked since."

"Wait," Nathan says, sitting down next to him. "You and Peyton haven't talked in a week. How do you even know she got home?"

"She texted me," he answers.

"But you just haven't literally spoken?"

"No," he repeats, "I didn't text her back. She told me to talk to her when I'm ready to be the boyfriend she wants. I don't know if I can be that guy for her."

Nathan sighs, "I don't know why you even try to be, Luke. Your heart is not in it and you just come off as the bad guy."

Lucas nods, but says nothing. They sit there, looking out at the sun setting, in complete silence. "Just think about last time," Nathan tries again. "Everything got messed up. Everyone knows that you and Brooke should be together but you, Brooke, and Peyton. Be fair to everyone here, Lucas. Stop this now."

"I know." Lucas counters.

"What do you know?" his brother asks him.

He laughs, even though there's nothing even remotely funny about the situation. "I want to be with Brooke. She knows that I do. It's her who doesn't want me. I'm pretty sure Peyton knows it, too."

"That's not true. The only true thing you said there is that you want Brooke." Nathan informs him, "I've watched Peyton. She's in complete denial about whatever you and Brooke has and she stays in California so she doesn't have to deal with it regularly. That's why this has worked for so long. As far as Brooke, I think she wants you more than you want her- if that's possible. She's just scared to death that you don't want her. And I know that from firsthand knowledge. I know what it feels like to be left. I don't know if I'd have ever gotten over Haley choosing something over me a second time."

"I never chose anything over her," Lucas argues.

"It doesn't matter that you think that. And honestly, I agree with you. I know how much you tried after she broke up with you. And I know she pushed you at Peyton. And I know all about when Delila was sick. But you being with Peyton- even if that's what she says she wants- is not helping matters. It's hurting all three of you. Just call her and tell her you can't be that guy for her, Lucas." Nathan advises, "It's time you man up. Because you do need to make a choice. Remember that it can define who you are."

He knows that Nathan's right. After all, Dan made a choice- the wrong choice- and lived in misery for almost his whole life. But then he and Karen reconciled and he became a different man. Caring for his boys, and his grandchildren, in a way he never had before. Lucas doesn't want to look back on his life and have the same regrets as his father. He wants to be the happy guy that he knows today.

He knows what he has to do.

_It's been a little over three weeks since Delila's first birthday party and things haven't gone back to normal in the apartment that Lucas and Peyton share. The air is more icy. There's a lack of love that has never been there before. It doesn't even feel like they're friends and they barely speak to each other. He hasn't brought Dee to see her and Brooke has stopped calling her to babysit. It's like the last month never happened._

_Peyton had really thought they were making headway with the situation and that she was closer to being Delila's stepmother. But now, she just knows. That may never happen. Lucas may never ask her to marry him. She's not even sure he loves her anymore._

_Lucas walks in with the mail one night, after work, asking, "What's this? It's postmarked Los Angeles."_

"_Really?" she asks, jumping up from her desk. "I applied at a couple of record labels. They're crap positions- but it's the place I need to be to get anywhere."_

_He looks at her like she has two heads. "Are you moving?"_

"_I thought we could both go out there for a little while. It could be good for us, Luke." She suggests, "Maybe you'll even find someone to publish your novel while you're out there."_

"_I have some prospects here," he tells her. "On the East Coast. Where we live."_

"_Well, if I want to get anywhere in music, I have to go out there. This is my dream! Why aren't you being more supportive?"_

"_I'll support you, Peyt. But I'm not going anywhere with you. My life is here. My family is here."_

"_Oh," she nods her head slowly. "So that's what this is about? Your family? Once again, Brooke is going to come before me. Now, she comes before my dreams, too, I guess?"_

_He sighs, not ready to have this fight for the umpteenth time this week so he stays silent instead. He watches her rip open the envelope and smile wide as she reads. When she looks up at him, her smile drops. "I won't go if you ask me to stay."_

_He shakes his head, "I think we need a break anyway. I'm not going to ask you to stay here when I have no idea where we're headed anymore."_

_She nods, "That's what I thought, too."_

_It's the least eventful breakup he's ever had. It was always tearful and dramatic with Brooke. It always hurt. He can feel a dull ache in his chest but he's not sure if it's because she's leaving and he'll miss her or because he doesn't want her to go. He thinks it's more the first. He's going to miss his friend. Hell, he already misses his friend._

"_I have to be there in two weeks. I think I'll leave as soon as possible to find someplace to stay," she tells him._

_He just nods and then does something he hasn't done in awhile. He walks over and pulls her in for a hug. "I'm gonna miss you, Peyt. No matter what you think, remember that. I'll miss you."_

_She's crying now and nodding her head against his chest. "Me too."_

_

* * *

__I come from a place that hurts,  
and God knows how I've cried  
And I never want to return  
Never fall again.

* * *

_

_  
_"I really think you should talk to her." Brooke tries to convince Haley.

They're sitting down in the back room at Brooke's boutique, talking about Peyton. More specifically, they're discussing the fact that Lucas and Peyton haven't talked for days. It's just after three thirty in the afternoon and both of the kids are still asleep in the makeshift playroom that Brooke has created for them in her office. Millie is in front, running the cash register, and Brooke can tell just from the sounds that it's a busy day today.

Haley's going on about this being none of her business and the only reason she knows at all is because Nathan talked to Lucas last night about some things at the river court. That catches Brooke's attention, "What else did they talk about? Does he know why they aren't talking?"

"I don't know," Haley says honestly, while shaking her head. "Nathan just said that Lucas was really screwed up and he wished he'd finally figure it out."

"Figure what out?"

Haley raises an eyebrow at her friend, "That you two are probably meant to be together. That you do want him. Nathan didn't even have to explain that to me. That much I understood."

Brooke sighs. "Okay," she waves her hand in dismissal. "I don't want to have this talk with you."

"Why not, Brooke?" Haley asks forcefully. "You know I'm right."

"I know of no such thing," she denies, looking Haley straight in the eye. "I know that Peyton loves Lucas. That's what I know."

"What about Lucas?"

"He loves her, too. It's just hard for him to show it because he feels torn about Dee." Brooke closes her eyes. "This is all my fault."

Haley rolls her eyes, "You might believe that crap but I don't. He loves that kid but he'd be out there with Peyton if that's what he wanted. He'd be married to Peyton if that's what he wanted. Why do you choose to deny it?"

"Haley, we tried twice." Brooke reminds her. "Two times. We don't work."

"You're older now, one," she says, holding up a finger. "And two, you love each other. You know how to work together. You're best friends!"

She smiles at her friend. "We are," she admits, shaking her head. "And yet, he still didn't tell me that he and Peyton are fighting."

That's not the point and she knows it. But she can't bring herself to admit that there might be something between them. It's not only herself she'd be hurting if they failed again. They have a child now and Lucas did a lot worse than she did after the last time.

"Three years ago, you guys were on the right track," Haley reminds her again. "You were getting there."

Brooke shakes her head, "This is the last time I'm gonna say it. I don't want to talk about that. Ever again. You should call Peyton to see what's going on. Tell her Lucas misses her."

"Have you seen any signs that he does?"

Brooke looks past her, feeling lost. Trying to think of anything that would point to him missing her ex-best friend. Finally, she concedes. "No," she sighs, sadly. "But that doesn't mean it's not true."

Haley, too, looks tired. "I'm not going to lie to the girl, Brooke. I feel bad for her. She's with him and he's with her and I really haven't figured out why. Because I only see the love between them deteriorating. I can't believe you don't. You know both of them better than that."

And the truth is that she does know both of them well enough to know that this isn't what either of them want anymore. But she also knows that Peyton is holding on for dear life- and she knows how that feels. Even if she felt like she could trust Lucas completely, it wouldn't be fair to undercut Peyton. She fought through a full year and a half before giving up the first time and she was to almost two years this time around. If she didn't want him, would she really stick around through all of it?

And even if Brooke did choose to put herself out there, what happens if Lucas doesn't really want her either?

"I don't want to lose the friendship we've built, Hales." It's the last ditch option. Whenever she has nothing left to fight with, she falls back on that excuse.

Haley finishes packing up James's things and swings the bag over her shoulder. "That's weak, Brooke, and you know it. I have to go. Think about it."

As Brooke watches her walk out, she wishes she could think of anything but that. After all, it's where her mind always goes. To what could have been.

* * *

_Making love to you, it felt so good  
And Oh, so right.  
So here we are alone again,  
Didn't think it'd come to this  
And to know it all began  
With just a little kiss

* * *

  
_

_It's mid December and Lucas has been living in Brooke's guest room for almost three weeks. Delila was released from the hospital then and he wanted to be close to take care of them. She's been much more work than either of them initially expected. Usually, they catch pneumonia earlier, and they don't have to physically drain the lungs. But because her case was so advanced, the doctors drained them immediately. It's a simple procedure and they were told that she didn't feel anything but a slight pinch. However, she hasn't been healing as well as they'd hoped._

_Their little girl had been running around two months ago and now, she hasn't been out of bed in over six weeks. They both take turns sleeping, with little to no luck. They are too afraid to leave her alone for more than a couple of minutes. While she spent the first three weeks in the hospital, they'd take turns going home for the night but once she was home, Brooke was always with her. Lucas wanted to be too so he just eventually moved his things in._

_Slowly, she's getting better. Today, she walked around for awhile. She smiles now. Lucas even got a small giggle out of her a couple of days ago; although, he could tell it hurt her to laugh by the wince that followed it. _

_His book has been put completely on hold. The publishing company still wants him but they're waiting for him to be ready to spend a intense couple of months away from home. He's not ready to leave yet. He's not sure he'll ever be able to leave._

"_Today was a good day." Brooke's trying to make conversation over some cold pasta that he threw together for them to eat hours ago. _

_They're both extremely worn out and would forget to eat completely if they weren't making sure Dee was eating well. Unlike a normal nineteen month old, they've had to blend all of her food. She's not swallowing well and it seems like just a small sip of juice hurts her. But that, too, is getting better. She reached for Lucas's spaghetti while it was hot tonight and once he cut it up into small pieces for her to eat, she finished every last bite._

_He nods his head, thinking about the joy he felt watching her eat real food. "It really has been."_

"_I've been thinking," Brooke starts. "Maybe it's time you started to get back to your book."_

_He picks up their empty plates and walks them over to the sink. "I'm not ready to go yet. I wanna be here."_

"_She'll be okay, Luke." Brooke smiles at him, "Don't you trust me?"_

"_She's my life," he nods. "And I'd trust you with my life. I would but it's not just about her. I want to be here for you, too. This isn't something you should have to do on your own. It's us against the world. We're a team, right?"_

_Brooke looks down, ashamed. "When I said that, I didn't say it to hold you back."_

_She closes her eyes and he can tell how tired she is. He knows, because he's probably just as exhausted. "I just know how much you have to offer. I'd hate for you to lose out because of us."_

_He walks over to her and pulls her into a hug. "Brooke," he whispers. "There is no way that you and Dee could do anything but add to my life. I win because of you. I love you." _

_His words get progressively softer until she can barely hear him. She turns her head to look up at him and see if he's even really talking or if she's imagining those words and feels his lips sweep over hers, ever so slightly. It's almost as if he's scared, like a little boy, testing the water to see if it's too cold. _

_She's surprised by her reaction. It's like he flipped a switch inside of her and she craves more. Lifting herself up on her tiptoes, she kisses him back. It's gentle at first but quickly turns into a battle for the most passionate._

_When they finally break for air, panting fervently, Brooke motions for him to follow her. Wordlessly, they make their way to her bedroom. And before she turns back to him, he has her in his arms. Kissing her like he'll never get enough. Her lips, her throat, her earlobe. There's not a spot off limits to him for the first time in over two years and he's taking full advantage. _

_She goes to pull her shirt over her head and he thinks for a minute and stops her, "Before you do that, so that there can be no argument tomorrow, I love you. And we don't have to do this."_

"_I love you, too." She says, kissing him again, slower this time. "And I want to. I miss you."_

"_Thank God." He praises, then brings her shirt up over her head and kisses her all over. "I don't want to miss a spot."_

_It's more to himself than to her but she's thankful to know it. Pulling him onto the bed, with her, she lets him have full reign. Whatever he wants, he can have._

_And he does. He spends all night making sure that she's happy. He doesn't forget a single hot spot, hitting them all systematically. He tells her how much she means to him over and over. _

_It's the first time in a long time that she feels loved and appreciated and she burns it all into her memory. Every minute. Every word. Every second. _

_When they finally fall asleep in each other's arms, not a thing can go wrong. They have each other again. _

_That's all that matters._

How could she forget it when it's all she thinks about?

_Hold me, hold me  
Don't ever let me go  
Say it just one time  
Say you love me  
God knows I do love you again_

* * *

_**Please review!! Each and every review keeps me going. Also, I wanted to say that I'm really humbled by the wonderful support for this fic that I've gotten.  
-Corey**_


	6. After All that We've Been Through

_**Sooo, it's been a long time, huh guys? I went away last weekend and was only home for two days. Now I'm in Wilmington :P I love it here. It's 80 degrees and beautiful. I'm just relaxing around town with a few of my girls. It's nice.**_

_**Janie has been asking me for this update since the night I put up chapter five. Cami, since not long after that. Tanya PMed me two days ago asking me if I was gonna update. And I got a call from someone who hasn't spoken to me in a really long time- asking for an update. Lol. So I think it's safe to say- that people want this updated. This is dedicated to my loyal readers. Those who review or are subscribed. Or are reading without subscribing. Thank you so much for reading my writing. It means the world to me.**_

_**Also, I hope this doesn't happen again. Haha. I start to get really busy around this time of year but I'm praying that I can keep updating this at a regular pace. PS- thank you all for not hating the not-so-smutty smut. I don't mind reading smut but I blush while writing it so I never go too far with it.**_

_**Without further Adieu, I give you chapter six. Enjoy :) **_

**_Also- I don't own anything. Or anyone. I'll even give Mark Delila if he'd just take her ;) The title is from a brilliant Chicago song "Hard to say sorry/After all that we've been through."_**

_**

* * *

**_

_Everybody needs a little time away,  
I heard her say,  
From each other.  
Even lovers need a holiday,  
Far away from each other._

"_Just think, three hours of signing and you'll be home free. Then you can go home and see that adorable little girl anytime you want and write in the privacy of your bedroom."_

_Lucas sighs. In three hours, he'll head back to the hotel, where he'll sleep off his last signing before making his way back to Tree Hill tomorrow morning. It'll be the first time that he's been home in over a month. Nathan and Haley were at his Chicago stop last week with Delila and Jamie so that he could see them but he barely got to see them because he was so busy. He should be excited and yet, he's dreading it. _

_Being in Tree Hill for more than a couple of days means falling into some kind of routine with Brooke, and he's just not sure he can go back to that. Not when they both know that there could be more and when he knows she doesn't want there to be. He hasn't had to really speak to her about anything but their daughter in over a year. He tried at first, but she fought him and eventually he stopped trying to ask about anything that wasn't connected to Dee. _

_Lindsey, his editor, walks to the front and motions to the employee so that they'll release the rope and let the people into the signing. It feels like he's hit with at least five hundred people at once. Los Angeles is huge._

_That one thought makes him think of the only person he knows in this town and he fleetingly wonders how she's doing. If she knows he's here. If she has even read the book. _

_The book that became a love letter to his daughter's mother, in a way. A thank you to her for giving him the most important gift he's ever received. Of course, it's mostly fiction. But it's inspired by Delila. It's about a young father struggling with being part time. He gets his happy ending in the book but sometimes, he's positive that happy endings only really happen in fiction._

_Three hours in a signing feels like three minutes. It flies by, just as the people do. Faces blur together and he doesn't really register any of them into his memory. So when he looks up and the blur stops, he's speechless._

_Peyton is standing right in front of him. Her hair is longer and straighter and she looks like she's lost about ten pounds, if that's possible, but it's still her. "You still look the same, Lucas Scott."_

_She's smiling at him genuinely and he finds himself grinning back at her. "I was just thinking about you." He stands up and gives her a big hug, motioning to Lindsey that it's okay, and says, "You know, I only have to be here another ten minutes. You should wait if you can; we can catch up over some food, my treat."_

_A small, shy smile creeps onto her face, "I'd love to." She motions to the corner that his editor is standing in. "Over here okay?"_

_He nods and then turns back to the last couple of fans. "Who should I make this out to?"_

_Tonight suddenly looks better._

_**-x-l-x-b-x-**_

_Dinner is a mix of awkward and comfort that he hasn't had in a long time. They catch each other up on the last twenty months or so of their lives. Both avoid the subject of their break up and his family for most of the night._

_Peyton tells him all about her job at the record label. She worked her way up from a minion to her own office with her own minions in just a little under two years. It's her passion. He can see it in her eyes. He tells her about his year of hell with Lindsey, editing and reediting. Changing his words, his labor of love, until it was perfect enough to be published. He also tells her about his three month cross country book tour. He describes all of the cities and the different people. What he doesn't mention is that every night, he speaks to his little girl, aching to be near her. He picks up a snow globe for her in each city and sends them to her. He doesn't mention that Brooke forced him out here, telling him that it was best if they had a little distance._

_He doesn't have to, though. As the dinner comes to a close, Peyton brings it up. "So, where are Brooke and Delila while you're out here, trekking the country?"_

_He sighs. This is what he didn't want to talk about, but he's going to be honest with her. "Brooke and Dee are at home. Every couple of weeks, my mom or brother bring her to whatever city I'm in to see me. It's killing me and part of me can't wait to get home and be with her as much as possible."_

"_Just part of you?"_

_He smiles. Of course, she'd ask that. "I'm not looking forward to going home to Brooke right now. It's been over a year since we've really talked."_

"_What do you mean? You guys are the perfect co-parents." She looks shocked. "Brooke hasn't taken her to see you?"_

_He shakes his head. "We had a little falling out before I left."_

"_Over?" Peyton raises an eyebrow and he laughs a little bit. "It's just been a long time since you two fought over more than which brand of diapers is better for a baby's behind."_

_He sighs. She's smiling right now but she won't be in a few minutes. "We slept together. And I told her I loved her. And she told me to leave."_

_A deep silence sets in after he says that. It's hanging in the air, stabbing at both of them for different reasons. Finally, she quietly asks, "Do you love her now?"_

"_I don't think I've ever stopped." They say honesty is the best policy but even he knows that it's probably brutal for him to say it that way. "It's not that I didn't love you, Peyt, I still love you too. But my love for her is all consuming sometimes. It's so big. And I'm pretty sure that it'll never go away."_

"_Because she gave you Delila?" Peyton questions curiously. "Because one day soon, I'm sure that someone else is going to give you another child. But, Luke, first you've gotta let go of whatever you feel for Brooke."_

"_It's not about Dee," he tells her, shaking his head. "It's more than that. It's Brooke. I don't think I can let go of it."_

_She sighs sadly. Unsure of what to say to that. "Well, I thought that this dinner was our first step towards reconciliation but I guess not, huh?"_

"_Why not?" He asks. "I also just said that she doesn't love me. And that I do love you too. I'd like to see if there's anything left to save between us."_

"_I'm not coming back to Tree Hill," she informs him._

_He shrugs. "So, we'll do long distance. See how it works. Then I'll come out here or you move home eventually. Let's see where it goes."_

_She nods, "Okay. Let's see if there's anything left."_

_Smiling, he leans over and kisses her softly on the lips. It's a start at moving on. Hopefully._

_

* * *

_

_Hold me now,  
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry.

* * *

_

Lucas feels like his heart is going to burst through his chest at any minute. He's been running for at least a half hour. Marathon running. Whitey would say he was running from something if he was around. Keith would ask him to stand still and think; Nathan and Haley have both asked that of him. But he can't. Knowing what he has to do, and doing it, are two different things.

Sure, Peyton knew how he felt about Brooke when they decided to try again. But he also said that he wanted to be with Peyton and then came home and acted just the opposite. Plus, there's the fact that he does want it to work with Peyton. He wants to be with her and he wants to be the boyfriend she wants. Or he just doesn't want to be all alone. He wants to know that when he has a bad day, he can call her and she's obligated to listen to him and try to make him feel better. He's not sure which is the real reason or if it's a mixture.

When he walks through the door, his phone is vibrating on the table and his mom's picture is on the screen. He sighs, wondering why she could possibly be calling right now. He picks up the phone and answers before it rolls over into voicemail. "Hey Ma, when am I gonna see my little sister again?"

She laughs and he gets sad at the way it sounds so far away. "Seriously, I miss my parents. Delila misses her grandma and grandpa and Aunt Lils. Brooke, Haley, and Nathan want you home, too. You should talk to them."

"I actually did talk to Brooke yesterday; that's why I'm calling." Internally, Lucas cringes, wondering what he did to Brooke that she told his mom about. "She said you and Peyton aren't talking and she feels guilty about it."

"Did she also tell you that I'm going to hurt Nathan for spreading my business around?" he asks, guessing immediately where it came from.

"Now, Lucas," Karen starts. "Nathan didn't tell her and even if he did, she has the right to know. She thinks that you haven't come to her about it because she's the problem."

"That's not it," he tells his mom. "I didn't go to her because I know what she'd say. And, Ma, honestly? I don't want to work it out. It's time for it to be over."

"Is that what you want?"

"Yes."

There's a certainty in his answer that can't be argued with. It is what he wants. "Good, then. I'm glad you're finally ready to face the truth."

"What truth?" he asks, confused.

"That you and Peyton just can't work it out," she deduces, with an air of finality.

He nods, though she can't see him. "Yeah," he says, thoughtfully. "I really wanted it to though."

"For all the wrong reasons," she assures him. "You can't be with her because of your guilty conscience. Or Brooke's."

"Yeah." He's going back to his own world in his head. The world where Brooke wants him and this isn't something he deals with.

"Give her time, Luke."

He smiles at how well his mother knows him. "I've given her time, Mom. I'm starting to think that it just is. She doesn't want me."

Karen laughs, "Oh, I wouldn't go that far."

"I would."

"You'd be lying to yourself then," she scolds. Then her voice softens and she tells him, "Listen, we'll be home in about a month, for good. When I get home, I'll try and help you sort it out. Okay?"

That brightens up his less than brilliant week. His family will finally be complete again. "Alright, Ma. Have fun and give Lilly a hug from her big brother. Tell Dan hi, too."

"I love you, my boy."

He smiles, "I love you, too, Ma."

_**-x-b-x-l-x-**_

"Mommy," Delila says, curiously. "Why does Peyton live somewhere that's not Tree Hill?"

Brooke considers this for a moment, before answering. "Well, baby. The world is a really big place. You know that from going and visiting daddy when he was promoting his book. Tree Hill is a really small place and Peyton just can't do what she wants to do here because it's so small."

"But you and daddy and Aunt Haley and Uncle Nathan can do what you want here and that's why we don't move away?"

"Well, that's not necessarily true," she tells her daughter. "But we've all adjusted a little bit to stay here."

She looks confused at the way her mom words the answer and Brooke, always amazed when her child broods like Lucas, continues on. "Like, Uncle Nathan travels so he can play basketball but he comes home a lot, too. So his family can still live here. And, one day when you're older you'll know that your Aunt Haley has an amazing voice but she teaches so she can stay close to home. Lucas writes and then does small tours but he always comes home because this is where he wants to be. He'd probably do better in New York or another city."

"What about you, Mommy?" she asks. "What did you adjust?"

Brooke smiles, "I don't know. I'd like to think that if I left, I could run an empire- my very own fashion line. But I'll never know because I don't want to leave."

Delila thinks about that for a minute and then asks another question, "Why do you guys want to stay?"

"Our family is based here," Brooke answers. "All the people we love are here or will be here."

"Doesn't Peyton have family here?"

"That's a hard one, kid," Brooke says, laughing at her child's sudden curiosity. It's better than the one year old who cried to no end when Peyton left for good. "You'd have to ask her."

They are silent for awhile, both doing their own thing. Brooke sits at her table sketching some clothes for her next batch and Delila plays on a learning laptop. She looks up at her mom and asks the question that has been in her mind all night. "If Peyton lived here, would she live with daddy?"

Brooke sighs and turns to look at her daughter. So perceptive. This answer might hurt her. "Probably. Yes."

"I want daddy to live with us. Why would daddy live with Peyton but he won't live with us?"

She sighs again. How does she answer that without making Delila hate her?

* * *

_Couldn't stand to be kept away,  
Just for the day,  
From your body  
Wouldn't want to be swept away,  
Far away from the one that I love._

* * *

_The next morning, Brooke's eyes flutter open and she feels something different from the love of last night. She's scared. When she reaches over to alleviate that feeling by proving to herself that Lucas will be there- he's gone. She turns her head toward his empty pillow- panicked. Thinking that she just ruined two years of friendship for one night of comfort._

_Is that what it was? Comfort? No, she tells herself, it was more than that. It was beautiful and warm and she hadn't felt that way in a really long time. It was love. At least, it was for her. Maybe Lucas needed to feel someone. Maybe he's just missing--._

_She can't even bring herself to think it. That's how much it would hurt if it were the case._

_No, he loves her. He told her that he did last night. He said it first. But, of course he loves her. She bore his only child. She gave him Delila. That doesn't mean he's in love with her. And always has been._

_Suddenly, her mind launches into thoughts about what could go wrong and how it would affect Delila; and, if she's being honest, how much it'd crush her._

_Why would he leave her alone in bed, after a night like last night, if he really cared about her? He wouldn't. His side of the bed is so cold. It's almost as if he never slept there at all. Maybe she just imagined it all. It was so dreamlike. It could have been a dream._

_But it wasn't. It was too good for that._

_That's when she realizes it. This was a mistake. It isn't just them anymore. They don't get to live in a fairytale dream, until it crashes down again. If they fail at this, their daughter gets caught in the crossfire. And if he's already leaving her all along- that's how this will continue on. It'll be just like before. Thoughts of him leaving her alone for Peyton only hours after they first said they loved each other enter her mind. After all, if last night meant anything to him, he wouldn't leave her side the first chance he got. Without even kissing her goodbye and letting her know he was going._

_With that last thought, she finally loses it. Aware of what is about to happen, she rushes into the bathroom and turns the shower on. Once she gets in, Brooke drops to the tub floor and just allows herself to sob._

_She cries for her heartache and for the conversation she's going to have to have with Lucas. She aches for the feelings of love and security from last night. And, most of all, she hurts for the family that it's now painfully obvious that she'll never be able to give her child._

_After about a half an hour, she regains her strength, stands up, and showers. She towels herself off and throws on an old pair of cheerleading sweats and a tee shirt. Descending the stairs, slowly, she can hear Lucas's voice coming from the kitchen. It's the voice that he only uses on Dee so she figures that she's up too._

_She stops in the doorway to the kitchen- the sight at the stove feeling like a swift punch to the gut. Lucas and their daughter, on his hip, having a one-sided conversation about what to make "mommy" for breakfast. He seems nervous and any doubt in her mind about what she has to do dissipate. _

_She can tell he regrets it but she also knows that he'll never tell her that. He'll stay here- give up everything- because he loves his child that much. And she cannot let him do that. He'll eventually resent them and she won't allow that._

_She knows what has to be done. _

_And it breaks her heart._

_**-x-l-x-b-x-**_

_Brooke hasn't given him any reassurance all morning. Just fake smiles and small talk. It almost scares him to put Delila down for a nap. He just knows what's going to happen and he can't figure out a way to stop it._

_He can't ever stop it with Brooke. She does what she wants._

_It's one of the things he loves about her- but right now, it's killing him._

_As soon as he walks into the dining room, where she's sorting through mail, he feels the mood shift. "Wow. She was sleepy," he tells her. "She's been up since four-thirty."_

"_You could've woke me up," she responds, without even looking up._

_He shakes his head, "Are you kidding, Brooke? You were sleeping so peacefully and you needed it."_

_Finally, she looks up at him and the pain in her eyes makes him ache. "We need to talk."_

"_Don't. Do. This. Please." He says it very slowly, punctuating every word, hoping to get through to her._

_She breaks their connection by looking away and says quietly, "I think it's time you went home."_

_There it is. What he was praying she wouldn't say. Out there, hanging in the air between them._

"_Why?" he asks. He feels like the most dense man on the planet. "Are you mad at me? Did I do something?"_

"_Lucas," she turns back toward him, miserably. "No, you didn't and I'm not. But you know why. You just have to go."_

_He shakes his head defiantly, "No, I don't. You said you loved me, too. If I'd have known—"_

"_Don't finish that statement. You know it's not true," she interrupts him. "It was a mistake, Luke. We were exhausted and sleep deprived. No one is to blame and I'm not mad about it. It just is."_

_She reaches out for his hand, as if to comfort him, and he pulls out of her grasp. "It was not a mistake." He fights her. "I said I love you and I mean it. I showed you. I meant it so much. That can't be a mistake. It can't be wrong. You're wrong."_

_Brooke just stands there, trying to regain her posture, staring at him. "Whatever you're thinking, pretty girl, put it out of your mind. I know you love me too."_

_He's pleading with her and it's not breaking her stony veneer at all. He doesn't know what else to do._

"_This isn't about love." She tells him, finally finding her voice._

"_What is it about then?"_

"_We just can't be together." She explains, "Too much has happened."_

_He sighs, frustrated. "Seriously? That's exactly why we can be together! Peyton and I don't work. Now you know that. We have a baby, Brooke, please think about this."_

"_I have, Lucas." She tells him, "I've thought it though and this won't last past a couple of months. When it's all done, where will that leave us?"_

"_How can you be so negative?" He starts pacing the room, trying to burn off his frustration. "It will work." _

_He sounds so sure and for a minute it looks like she's going to agree. But then she challenges him, "Why would this time be any different?"_

"_Because," he goes back at her, "this time I'm not letting you go."_

_Her eyes close and he immediately knows it was the wrong thing to say. _

"_Where have I heard that before?"_

_He drops his head, trying to control the tears welling up in his eyes. He just lost but he's still trying. "You left me; I tried to hold on. You wouldn't let me."_

"_You didn't try hard enough," she determines. "I don't want you here anymore, Luke. This is too hard."_

_Stubbornly, he asks, "What about what I want?"_

"_Don't be so selfish," she rebukes him. "Think about Delila."_

"_I am!!" He yells, finally having had enough. "She's all I think about. Well," he thinks better of it. "Her and you."_

_She raises her eyebrow at him and firmly says, "Don't you scream at me, Lucas Eugene Scott or I won't even give you the courtesy of speaking to you, again. Ever."_

"_What? Now you're gonna take Dee from me too?" He walks toward her, stopping with only about a foot left between them, and leans into her. "Take everyone away that I love? I will never let that happen."_

"_Stop with the theatrics. I wouldn't take her from you. You love her and she loves you," she tells him, pushing him away from her. "So, I'm asking you to think of her well-being. Think of what will go through her mind if she has to watch a breakup. Or if it's messy and we have a nasty custody battle. You remember what she was like, with everyone, that first month after Peyton left. It was like she was colic. Crying all the time. She missed her. Imagine what set days with you and set days with me would do to her. She'd be confused and upset. Imagine if Delila's parent's couldn't even talk to each other because of the pain. Imagine how that'd hurt her. We have to be her parents first and foremost, Luke. We have to think of her first. And no good for her can come of this."_

"_Bull," he states obstinately. "You're hiding behind Dee. Using her because you're scared. It would be infinitely better for her if we were together and you know it. She'd love me being here all the time. Tell me that's not true."_

"_What happens if we work out like you say and then you resent us forever because you didn't have time for your book?"_

"_I already called the editor this morning," he tells her. "I arranged for a bigger suite at the hotel in New York. While I edit, you guys can still be with me."_

_She looks stunned that he even thought of it. "And what about my dream? What about my store?"_

"_It'll be a little over a year, Brooke." He reasons, "I can pay the rent for the boutique space while we're gone and you can work on designs. You can re-open when we get back."_

"_You can't take a two year old to a strange place without her family."_

"_You can't keep making excuses, pretty girl." He gets closer to her again. "You have none. I want you. I love you. Tell me you don't want the same things I do."_

"_I really don't, Lucas." Brooke says, hardening her eyes. "I want to stay here. I want to raise my daughter. I don't want or need your love in my life right now."_

"_Why are you being this way?" he groans. It's loud and he's frustrated._

"_I made a mistake last night. Maybe you meant what you said," she tells him. "But I don't think I meant what I said."_

"_What?" He suddenly feels like something's crushing his chest. "What does that mean?"_

_She sighs, "Lucas, I don't think I love you."_

_He looks anywhere but at her. He just can't look at her. She doesn't mean it. She can't mean it. There's no way that she was lying. She does love him. She has to._

"_I mean," she clarifies. "I love you. You're the reason I have Delila. But I'm not sure I'm in love with you."_

_He still can't speak. What does he say to that? _

"_I really think you should go. We both have a lot to think about and a couple of months being separated by a few states might be good for us."_

"_Christmas is only two weeks away. I don't want to miss it." It's weak but he gets it out._

"_You can stay until after Christmas," she relents. "But then I want you out of my house."_

_He nods. "If you really don't want me here, I'll go."_

_She turns and starts walking toward the door before thinking better of it and turning back to him. "I'm sorry, Lucas."_

_He just continues to shake his head. He's never felt more lost._

_What happens now?_

_

* * *

_

Hold me now,  
I really want to tell you I'm sorry,  
I could never let you go.

* * *

"Coach!" Quentin yells in his face, "Where are you?"

"Q," Lucas tells him, "stay out of my face. Get back on the court."

This kid is really good, when he wants to be. But most of the time he just wants to be an arrogant ass. He reminds him of Nathan when Lucas first joined the team.

He tries to make them aware that no one owns this team. "Alright," he looks at Skills, "I really have to go. Have them do twenty foul shots a piece and if they make them, they can go."

"Okay,dawg." Skills is watching him closely. "Lucas, man, is there anything wrong? Q was right. You've been somewhere else today. We already did foul shots."

"I'm just thinking about Dee," Lucas tells him. "Christmas is coming up and she wants this doll that I can't find anywhere. Brooke can't find it either. I don't know what we're going to do."

"Well doesn't she want anything else?"

He laughs, "She's a kid; she wants the world."

"Just get here everything else on her list," his friend tells him.

"You see, normally I'd be okay with that. But there's already one thing on the list we can't give her," Lucas says to him, brooding.

"What's that?"

"A little brother." Lucas looks up and Skills and laughs. "Her little friend from mommy and me just got a little sister and now Dee wants a brother. She put it on her list as number one."

"Wow," Skills says, thinking about it for a minute. "Well, you and Brooke better get to talking. Or, erm, not talking."

They both laugh. "You know you'd do it, Luke."

"It's not me who has the problem with it." He informs him, "Brooke would kill me for even suggesting it. But I'd take any baby she'd give me."

"You'd take any_**thing **_ that she'd give you."

He smiles. "That's probably true too."

"Hey," Skills says suddenly, after a few minutes of silence. "Why don't you ask Peyton? Dee wants a sibling, it doesn't have to be yours and Brooke's. I'm sure Peyton would come home if you wanted to start a family."

Lucas looks away from him, "I don't want to do that. Dee's too young. She'd feel gipped because the new baby got to live with me all the time and she doesn't even stay over a lot. I don't want to do it to Brooke either. I don't think she'd like me having a baby with someone else. No matter who it is."

"Sounds to me like you're making a lot of excuses. So you've thought about it a lot, huh? How to get Peyton home?"

"She wants to get married." It's the first time Lucas has ever said it out loud. He knows what he has to do for Peyton to come back.

Skills shrugs, "So marry her then. How long you been together? It's about time you popped the question."

"I don't know that I want to marry her?" Lucas tells him.

"What are you waiting for?"

Lucas continues brooding but looks him in the eye for just one second, "Something that might never come. But I'll keep waiting anyway. "

Skills nods. He knows what it means without even asking. "Listen, I gotta go, Skills. I'll talk to you later."

He shakes his head again, "Tell B. Davis and that pretty little girl hi for me."

"You got it."

He walks out of the gym, thinking of the mistakes he's made. It's probably never going to come.

_He's been home for two days and had his daughter just as long. Nathan brought her over the night he got home and he's kept her with him ever since. He missed her terribly and she's gotten so big. So much time has been missed that he'll never get back._

_He resents that Brooke is due to pick her up any minute, even though he knows that he can see her any time he wants tomorrow. He just wants her here with him all the time. _

_There's a knock at the door and his stomach does a little flip flop. It'll be the first time since the day after Christmas, two Christmases ago, that he's seen her. He walks to the door, yelling to Delila that her mommy is here._

_When he opens the door and she smiles a shy smile at him, he feels like he hasn't taken a breath in over a year and someone just gave him oxygen. "Hey, Luke."_

"_Brooke," he smiles at her. "I've missed you."_

_She throws her arms around him and he hugs her back just as hard. "I've missed you, too."_

_When they finally let go, she asks, "Can we talk? I think I made a mistake."_

_He smiles wider. Maybe she changed her mind. _

_He lets her in, knowing just from the look on her face that what she had to say was a good thing._

"_I've done a lot of thinking while you were away, Lucas," she starts. "And I've decided that I do love you. I missed you like crazy. You were right. We can make this work."_

_He pulls her up from the chair she just sat in and hugs her again. "Thank you. We can! I know we can."_

_She smiles at him, "So why don't you tell me about your trip? It's been forever since we talked."_

"_Well, there is one thing you need to know." He's nervous all of sudden. He forgot all about it and now he was going to have to tell her. Hopefully, she wouldn't be too mad. "I ran into Peyton."_

_Her face and shoulders drop and he knows that she's taking it harder than she should. _

_He loves her more. She should know that._

She doesn't know it, though. She never has. And she'll never let him tell her it.

_After all that we've been through,  
I will make it up to you,  
I promise to.  
And after all that's been said and done,  
You're just the part of me I can't let go.

* * *

_

_**Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed. But either way- please review. They all make my day.**_

_**-Corey  
**_


	7. What About Love?

_**So, I have a lot of explaining to do, don't I? Well, long story short- because I don't want to make too many excuses- I moved five states away from home, am having a few relationship problems (obvs if I moved without my husband), and am looking for a job. It's a lot. Plus, this last flashback hated my guts. And I was enormously sad over the end of the season(series, for me) / closing of the BL S&S at fanforum. Those girls have my heart.**_

_**A little warning, there's an LP flashback that none of you are going to like but it is SO important to the story. I really hope the last two scenes (the BL flashback and in real time) make up for it. I did my best to perfect it. The little Naley snippet in there is dedicated to Molly(read over by Tori- thanks babe). Thanks to her and Adrienne for reading over the LP scene for me. And thanks to Tanya for continually being my friend and listening to me rant and rant about this and other things on a daily basis. I love you.**_

_**Hopefully, this was worth your wait.**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing. There I said it. I don't think I'm lying when I say it'd be better if I did.**_

_**Ohh, also, before you read- or after- check out the banners that my girl Shailee made for this story. Thanks, beebs. (just take the spaces out of the links :))**_

_**H t t p : / / I 4 3 6 . p h o t o b u c k e t . c o m / a l b u m s / q q 8 1 / S h a I l e e A r t s / S I g n a t u r e s / I m a g e 1 0 – 1 . p n g **_

_**H t t p : / / I 4 3 6 . p h o t o b u c k e t . c o m / a l b u m s / q q 8 1 / S h a I l e e A r t s / S I g n a t u r e s / I m a g e 1 1 – 1 . p n g **_

_**

* * *

  
**_

_I've been lonely,  
I've been waiting for you,  
I'm pretending and that's all I can do._

"Brooke," he says, as he walks through the door, the bell jingling to signal his arrival. "We really need to talk about Delila's Christmas list."

She looks up and him and knowing the look on his face, turns around, drops into her chair and sighs. "Lucas, no. I don't have the time."

"No?" he asks, looking around. "Because you're so busy right now."

She closes her eyes and rubs at her temples. He's making the headache that their daughter and his nephew gave her this afternoon infinitely worse and he hasn't even said a word about the subject she's been avoiding. The baby that their baby wants from them.

"I hate not getting her what she wants."

Of course he'd say that. He spoils her rotten and then she deals with the consequences. Besides this isn't a doll or even that extremely expensive robot looking thing that she just had to have and now doesn't even look at, this is another human life. One she'd have to carry and bear and raise. Alone. Except, not really alone. And it's not like the first one is that bad. She loves her. Lucas loves her. They're friends. Is she actually even considering it? "Ugh," she groans out loud. "No, Lucas. You would say that. This can't be about what she wants. Have you thought about what we'd have to do to give her everything she wants?"

He smiles and she almost goes weak at the sight of it. She already knows he's going to turn on the charm. "Yeah," he says smoothly. "Is there something wrong with that? Because I don't seem to remember there ever being a problem with that before."

She can feel herself tense as he asks that. Wrong? It's wrong on so many levels. She cannot let herself ever go there again. She narrows her eyes at him and yells in a whisper, "You're seriously going to ask me that right now?"

"Let's see," she says, ticking reasons why it's wrong off on her fingers. "Number one, you have a girlfriend called Peyton. Number two, we have a daughter who would be extremely confused. Number three, you have a family who would probably disown both of us if we did something so irresponsible. Number four, I don't want to raise another child alone."

That's as far as she gets because he interrupts her, "Alone?"

_-x-l-x-l-x-_

_The love I'm sending,  
Ain't making it through to your heart.  
You've been hiding, never letting it show,  
Always trying to keep it under control._

Alone. She considers herself a single mother. He has never seen her that way. They're a family- him, Brooke, and Delila. He helps her in every way that he would if they were husband and wife- without the sex. "You really think you raise Dee alone?"

"Lucas," she starts, looking down. "You are a wonderful father. Really, you are. I'd never take that away from you. But you missed a year of her life- over a year- to do the book thing. I've never been able to do something like that. And that's because I'm her mother and I'm with her all the time. And you're her father and you aren't with her all the time."

She looks like she's sad to be breaking this news to him but that does nothing to ease the pain that those words create in him. It might actually be upsetting him more right now. "Seriously, Brooke. You _made _me go. I didn't want to. Or rather, I wanted you girls to come. Damnit. She's my life. Don't you dare act like I'm not always there for her. I would have come home for her, or you, in a heartbeat."

"I know that," she reaches out to touch his arm and he involuntarily flinches away from her. "Lucas, don't be that way. I wasn't saying you're a bad dad; you're an amazing dad. And she loves you more than anyone else. I'm just saying that I tuck her in more nights alone than I do with someone there. It's usually just her and me at the dinner table. I field most of her uncomfortable questions. You have the choice to get away. I never do."

"No, I guess you don't. But that's by choice." He walks toward the door leading to the back room where he knows his daughter is asleep, "She's mine. I'd take her for years if you wanted to go chase a dream. And, unlike you, I'd take her to visit you. Because I love you, Brooke. I love you. And that's why I was considering this small request from our daughter. Because there's no one else that I want children with. Ever. I love you."

She looks away from him but not before he sees the tears. He just doesn't understand. If she wants more, she should just tell him. She knows his stance on it. His feelings haven't been hidden from her in a really long time. There's only one thing that she doesn't know, "One other thing, B. I may have a girlfriend. You are part of the reason for that. But not anymore. No amount of calls to my mom about me and Peyton, no amount of you telling me what you believe I'm meant for, none of that is going to make me and someone- that's not you- work. So, the second that I can pull away for two days and get out to LA, I won't have a girlfriend. And you'll have no more excuses."

With that, he turns and walks out of the room to get their daughter's things ready for his afternoon with her.

_-x-b-x-b-x-_

_You got it down and you're well,  
On your way to the top.  
But there's something that you forgot…_

Watching Lucas walk away hurts her. He doesn't usually turn away from her. He tries to be rational and loving and understanding. His face keeps appearing in her mind, wounded and tired. She wonders if she should regret saying something so hurtful when she's partly to blame for it.

"Mama, I woke up." Her little girl's voice comes from the back of the store. When she looks up at her, there are big tears welling up in her little blue eyes.

Brooke tears away from her own cutting thoughts and smiles for her baby. "Hey, baby girl," she uses a soothing voice. "What's wrong?"

"You and daddy were fighting." It's quiet and hurts Brooke more than she wants it to. Her little girl should never have to deal with their issues. This is exactly the kind of thing she's been trying to avoid.

She shakes her head and picks up her tiny four-year old. "No, sweetie. We weren't. We were just talking."

Her daughter looks almost disappointed at the half-hearted lie, "You weren't. Daddy used his mean voice. You're not happy. Daddy isn't happy. He's using that face."

Brooke knows exactly what face she's talking about. She taught her faces because sometimes kids say the wrong things at the wrong times and in this town, tensions run high often. She wanted her to be prepared. The face that she hates is Lucas's "strong face."

That's what they call it. Delila doesn't really know Brooke's "strong face" since it's usually the only face that she ever wears. It's the determination in a set jaw right before someone is about to cry or scream out in frustration. It's holding all of that in.

It's the hiding face. She knows it all too well.

"_Brooke, this is ridiculous. You should be taking her to see him. You should be talking to him." _

_She knows that Haley is right and yet, she can't bring herself around to the idea of going to New York to see Lucas. He left three weeks ago, just a day shy of the New Year. And he's been agonizing over not seeing his daughter. She understands that because she knows that she'd never be able to spend more than a day away from her baby. Until this, Lucas hadn't spent more than a couple of days at a time away from her. Almost a month must be excruciating. So she agreed to let Haley take her up to see him for the weekend but she still refused to go. She shakes her head, "I don't expect you to get it, Hales. I can't talk to him because it's too much. It's all too much. I want our friendship back. We worked hard on that."_

"_You were never just friends." She informs her, "And I know that you miss him as much as Dee and I do. He misses you, too."_

_There it is. The truth that hurts more than the lie she's been telling herself. He misses her. She's putting them both through a painful separation that isn't worth it. She looks at the girl who has become her best friend, more than his, and smiles at the belly that's proof of the fact that in a couple of weeks Delila is going to have a cousin. She and Lucas have already agreed to be the god parents. He'll have to come home for the christening._

_She should be prepared by then. This shouldn't hurt as much as it does now. By then. He certainly won't be. If it's one thing she has learned about Lucas Scott over the years, it's that his rebound rate is pretty fast._

_If only hers could be just as swift. But she's not in high school anymore and she's got a child to think about. There's no meaningless sex to make her feel better. Only the hope that one day they'll be able to be friends again and the reassurance that she's doing the best thing for their daughter keep her believing she made the right choice._

"_So, tutor-mama, how's this little Scott boy doing?" She needs the conversation to change. She and Lucas as a topic is not something that she can handle for long periods of time._

_Haley's face immediately lights up at the mention of her unborn son. Instinctively, her hand goes to her belly, "He's good. Kicking like crazy. It'd be really funny if he came out a soccer player. The men in this family would flip."_

_Just like that, she's turned Haley around and they're now laughing at the basketball gene obsession. Lucas already has the WNBA on speed dial for their twenty month old. _

_No matter how much deflecting she does, she knows that it's always going to come back to him. But she's going to do her damnedest to ignore it. Because sooner or later, he's going to break her heart again. It won't be on purpose; it never is. That's not something that either of them can risk because her heart isn't the only one on the line anymore._

_Delila's is._

_And that's what she's going to keep telling herself._

_-x-l-x-l-x-_

_What about love,  
Don't you want someone to care about you?_

_When they started the night out at dinner, he'd been hoping for a kiss. Maybe even just a promise to try and overcome whatever. He was so sick of being alone, in a hotel room, every night of his life. He never expected at the start of the night that he'd be standing in the doorway to her new apartment now._

_He's not sure if it's what he anticipated. Being honest with himself, it looks more like something Brooke chose and decorated than something the blonde girl, who he remembers, would. It's big- as far as Los Angeles apartments go- and sophisticated. There are a lot of royal tones. Deep colors. It's warm and inviting and so not Peyton. The apartment that they had shared together in Tree Hill was a lot like her bedroom in her dad's house. Filled with her artwork and pictures and albums. He couldn't find one familiar picture in this room. "Where are all of your albums?"_

_He has to ask. Those albums are as much a part of her as her hair or her eyes or even her drawings- which are also nowhere to be found. They make her the girl he loves. Before he knew her, he'd watch her sketch, listening to her iPod, and create conversations with her in his head. He had her created long before they ever exchanged their first words. Looking back on it now- that was probably where they went wrong._

_She wasn't who he created. He wasn't her savior anymore. And it all just fell apart._

"_In a guest room, somewhere," she answers, shifting her weight around, uncomfortably. "I don't really have time to listen to them much anymore."_

_He can tell it bothers her. She's changed and she's self-conscious about it. He can't judge it because he has changed, as well. And who's he to say which changes are good and which ones aren't? She's still the same girl he was in love with, just older, more confused, and more sophisticated. Some of that was his fault and some of it is probably the world's fault._

"_So," she says, trying to force a smile. "This is home."_

"_Yeah," Lucas nods, looking around. "You did good, Peyt."_

_She smiles at him and though he knows what is supposed to come next, he can't bring himself to make a move toward her. It feels almost like a betrayal of all that he told Brooke. Of all that he told himself._

_Of all that he just told her._

_Yet, she seems to not mind. It boggles him that she can't, for one second, think about the implications in what he said. That she still thinks there's a way for them to be together. Yes, he told her that there was. But, really, he's not so sure about that. _

_She's walking toward him now with purpose and he knows that he's not going to have to go to her. She'll come to him- like she always has. She'll make it easier on him._

_Her lips touch his and he closes his eyes. He can do this. He has to do this. It's the only way. Why waste time building a relationship with someone who doesn't understand about him and Brooke and Dee? Peyton gets it. As much as anyone can understand, she does._

_She pulls away, "Is this okay?" The question is insecure, like she's unsure of what they're about to do._

_Okay? It's sex with Peyton. A year, three months and two days after the last time he had sex. But that time was much different. That time, wasn't really sex at all. It was all of his love poured into a night and a girl who would always have it. Is that okay? He doesn't really know._

_But he nods anyway. Instead of saying anything, he pulls her back towards his lips and kisses her this time, wrapping his hands around her neck. Holding her in place._

_She kisses him back eagerly and he squeezes his eyes tight. He's not imagining that she's someone else. He's almost imagining she's not here at all. Or that he's not. He knows that if he can just get through this first time, it'll get easier._

_He walks her toward the wall and traps her against it. His lips start moving away from her lips, to other areas. They travel down her neck, stopping in all of the spots that he knows will make her go crazy. His hands never leave the wall on either side of her; his eyes never open. It almost kills him that he knows her that well. He doesn't need to look at her to know where his lips are touching on her body. When he reaches her collarbone, he feels her hands start to rub along the nape of his neck. They travel down his back and he shivers and finally gives into it. Opening his eyes, he asks where the bedroom is and then walks Peyton to the room she's pointing to._

_He closes the door with his foot and lifts his shirt over his head simultaneously. He turns to Peyton and she's smiling. It's what he assumes is her seductive smile but it hasn't worked on him in a long time. She could never really seduce him, not when he's been seduced by Brooke. They're in two different leagues._

_He shakes his head as if trying to knock Brooke out of it. Closing his eyes once more, he takes a hold of Peyton and kisses her again, only pausing to pull her shirt over her head. Then he pushes her onto the bed, pushes up the skirt she has on to get to her panties, and pulls them off. _

_He'd be lying if he said he knew what she was enjoying or if he even said he knew what kind of face she was making. He can't even see her anymore; he's looking right through her. His pants drop with almost no effort and he finds himself on top of Peyton, kissing her once more._

_Putting one hand underneath of her, he brings himself close. Then remembering protection, he asks if they're okay and she nods and says that she's protected. With that affirmed, he lets go of every inhibition and pushes himself inside of her._

_She moans and he's brought back into reality as she matches his thrusts. She's enjoying it; he can, too. He speeds up his pace and feels his release building. He holds on, waiting for hers. And when she's ready, she pulls him over the edge with her. When they've rode out the waves of rapture, he rolls over, off of her, to the other side of the bed._

_Physically, he hasn't felt this good in a really long time. But as she cuddles into his side and tells him that she loves him, he can't reciprocate it._

_He's more confused now than ever._

_-x-n-x-h-x-_

_What about love,  
I only want to share it with you.  
You might need it someday._

"Ho, ho, ho." Nathan's voice rings throughout their downstairs. "How's my favorite bad girl?"

When he finally appears in the kitchen, where Haley is, she can't help but laugh. He's in a Santa outfit, beard and fat suit and all. "I think you're a couple of weeks early, Mr. Claus."

"Ah, no," he grins. "A little birdie told me that Auntie Brooke has Jamie for the night. Santa's coming early for you."

She raises an eyebrow, "Oh really, what else did Lucas, the birdie, say?"

"Just that," he laughs and sits a small package down on the center island. "And that I should show you how much you mean to me. He's going a little crazy with the girl stuff, I think. But he's not wrong. I'm lucky to have my girl."

He takes her into his arms and gives her a kiss as she reaches over for the box. "Nah, ah, ah." He swats her hand away. "Did I say you could have it?"

"Come on, what is it?" Her hand darts out, trying to get the box once more, but he's faster and pulls it out of her reach.

"How much do you want it?"

She smiles seductively, "Oh, so we're going to play that game, are we?"

She brings herself up onto her tiptoes and kisses him, hard. Wrapping her arms around him and rubbing her hands up and down his back, she pulls away only to say, "This much." Then she continues kissing him until she can feel him relax completely, entangling his hands in her hair.

"I love you," he whispers when his lips leave hers to roam her neck.

She pulls back, holding the box, and laughs, "I love you, too."

She does a little dance around the kitchen, knowing that she just beat him at his own game and he laughs, "You might wanna open it. Because, Mrs. Scott, you are so gonna pay for that."

She lets out a little squeal and runs from the kitchen, yelling behind her, "You'll have to catch me first!"

Locking herself in their bathroom, she opens the box to see a pair of diamond hoop earrings. She sits the box on the vanity and throws open the door. "I surrender!" she exclaims, waving her hands in the air. "They're gorgeous."

"Not nearly as gorgeous as you, Hales."

He's so sincere that she just jumps into his arms. "I think you should punish me now."

"Mmm. . ." he murmurs. "I thought you'd never ask."

She giggles as he drops kisses her at her earlobe, then her neck, then her collarbone, and her shoulder. He kisses until the giggling is gone and she's got goose bumps all over.

"I love you," he whispers again, pulling his shirt over his head.

She nods, "I love you, too. Thank you, baby."

"Anytime. I _am_ lucky to have you."

_-x-b-x-b-x-_

_I can't tell you what you're feeling inside,  
And I can't sell you what you don't want to buy._

"Brooke, is something wrong?" Milly questions the minute she walks into the store.

It's obvious to her and anyone who comes into the store that the bubbly brunette is anything but this afternoon. She's not smiling, for starters. Not even a fake smile, without dimples. She's _scowling,_ which is something that Brooke Davis does not do. Her shoulders are slumped and her eyebrows are scrunched up. It's as if someone just told her that she had to solve the world's hardest calculus question.

Jamie smiles at Brooke's assistant and babbles what sounds like, "Uncle Lucas, bad."

Of course it's about Lucas. It always is. Millicent has been working with Brooke for over three years now so she knows that unless she wants to, Brooke isn't going to talk about whatever he did or said to put her in this mood. She bypasses it altogether and asks about Jamie instead.

"Hey, little man. Did your mama forget to come get you today?"

He giggles and shakes his head no and Brooke snaps out of the daze she's been in to inform her that Jamie is spending the night with her. "Haley wanted a date night with Nathan so I said I'd take my godson. We're gonna watch movies after we go pick up Delila."

"Santa Claus is on tonight!" The little boy exclaims throwing his hands up in the air.

Milly smiles at Brooke laughing at him working himself into a frenzy over the cartoon movie. "Why don't you leave now? Go pick up Dee and have your night in with the kids. I'm fine here, Brooke."

"Nah, Luke just got her a couple of hours ago." Her whole demeanor changes the moment she says his name and she's right back to the broody Brooke that Milly walked in on a couple of minutes ago.

Millicent breaks, finally having to know what happened this afternoon that made Brooke this way. "Okay, what happened to you?"

Brooke shakes her head, "It's nothing really. Luke and I just had a fight."

"Here? In the store?"

She seems confused. Brooke is baffled by it, too. There were several times when he first came home from touring when she knew he had something more to say, but he wouldn't say it because he didn't want to start anything with Brooke in her store. He didn't want to scare any potential customers away. He was very protective of Brooke's dream. This afternoon, him saying what he did in the store, was so out of character for him.

He usually holds it in.

When she doesn't answer, Millicent asks another question. "What about? His time with Dee?"

"No." She sighs. If Haley had come today, she'd already have all of this out of her system but she's pretty sure her best friend had something else to do today. And she doesn't begrudge her that at all. Hales deserves a little bit of her husband every now and then. But because of it, she's all confused and she doesn't know what to do about anything. And she has to go pick Delila up and see Lucas and she doesn't know how to act with him now. She doesn't know how he's going to act. If he's willing to make a scene in the boutique, what is he going to do in the privacy of his home?

"_I ran into Peyton."_

_Peyton? Her mind can't even process the name. Peyton. Her ex best friend slash his three time ex girlfriend and the reason they broke up more than once, Peyton. _

_She can feel herself pulling away. Dropping into his big, comfy armchair. Where's Delila? She needs to get out of here._

"_No," he's trying to command her. "You can't take back what you just said, okay?"_

"_You saw Peyton?" She tries to smile but her voice is faltering and she feels like she can't breathe. "How's she doing? Taking the music world by storm, I bet."_

"_Brooke." He puts a hand on each shoulder and kneels in front of her, "Please, calm down. Hear me out. Please."_

_She nods. If she wants him to think that she's even remotely calm, she can't talk. She can't take a breath. Because every time she does, she feels like someone has just sucked all of the oxygen out of the room and she wants to hyperventilate._

_He takes a deep breath in and starts on a story that, she already knows from the look on his face, she doesn't want to hear. "I was doing a signing in a mall. It's big, lots of celebrities go there. Lindsey met some singer while we were there; she was really excited."_

_He's rambling about celebrities. That's never good. Her mind is screaming for him to just get to the part where Peyton destroys her resolve to be with him._

"_Everyone was blending together and I couldn't see or think or anything. All I knew was that I was coming home to face you. I was scared. And then she was there. In front of me. And I realized that I missed her and that whenever you leave a void in me, she helps to fill it."_

_She turns her head at this. He's going to make whatever happened in LA her fault. And he'd be right. She should've been with him. The tears that she's been blinking away ever since the first time he said her name are now threatening to spill over onto her cheeks._

_He pauses and reaches over to turn her head gently back toward him. "Don't look away, Pretty." His voice cracks. "Please, don't do that."_

"_What happened?" She needs to know. This changes everything. Everything that she's been thinking about._

"_We went to dinner." He's talking as if he's detached from it now. "I told her what happened with us. I told her that I'd always love you but that you didn't love me."_

_He breaks off at that, choking back a sob._

"_And?"_

_She already knows. She doesn't want to but she knew the minute he said the name. Lucas can never walk away from Peyton. _

"_Please." There are tears now. If he's crying, he really screwed up. "Please don't change your mind. I can take it back."_

"_But you can't, Luke." _

_She hates it. He can't take back sleeping with Peyton. She can't take back the year and a half that she pretended she didn't love him. That she wasn't in love with him. All of the hurt and pain and love and hate. None of it can be taken back. This is all of their faults. Hers and his. Peyton's and their family. They all allowed it to happen._

"_I love you."_

_Those three words break her heart because she loves him, too. But she was right last winter. This isn't about love. There's more at stake._

_Her heart. His. Delila's._

_She couldn't allow this to happen again._

_-x-l-x-l-x-_

_Something's missing you got to,  
Look back on your life.  
You know something here just ain't right._

"_Let's start over."_

_He can see her take a big gulp of air in before the words come out._

"_That depends on what starting over means." He barely manages to get it out. _

"_Let's pretend that last November never happened. Let's pretend that we love each other."_

_He can feel himself smile. "We do love each other. That's not pretend."_

"_Let's do this because we have a daughter together," she continues on. "A daughter who deserves her parents loving each other."_

_Wait, what? He doesn't understand. Forget that night and everything that followed? "You want to just be. . ." he trails off. He can't even say it._

"_I want to go back to being friends the way that we were before Dee got sick." She seems so resolved. Strong._

_But he can see the painful aching in her eyes. He can tell that this isn't what she wants._

"_What do you want me to do with the love that I have for you?"_

_She shrugs. "Channel it into something useful. I do."_

"_No." He's firmly trying to talk her down now._

_The tears are gone and there's a tough determination behind him now. He's not letting her change her mind._

"_I made a mistake. So did you." He's trying his best not to beg. "Please. Brooke."_

_Too late. He's pleading. "I'm sorry."_

"_So am I." She nods and he thinks that he might be getting somewhere._

"_Mama!" _

_His little girl bursts into the living room from her bedroom and starts talking a mile a minute about the remodel they're planning for her room. She decided while he was gone that pink wasn't the color for her anymore. At almost four, she's very opinionated and mostly Brooke-like. Apparently, just not in color preference because she wants blue and he can't tell her no. _

_Her mom had the same affect on him for a long time. Whatever they want always goes._

_He closes his eyes. He needs some time alone with her to get her to see his side._

"_Sweetie," he hears her say to Dee, "How about you go get your bag? It's time to go home."_

_She had been so excited that it didn't even seem like she could tell that they were tense and crying. It's a good thing that she's not affected by all of this. He doesn't want her to be. She doesn't deserve to be._

"_Brooke," he starts._

_She shakes her head and puts her hand up, "No, Lucas. This is it. Final."_

"_What?" he asks. "Final? Brooke, no. It's not."_

"_It is." She tells him. "Friends. I don't care what you and Peyton do together. I don't care what you and any random girl do. We're friends. And maybe you should try to make it work with Peyton."_

"_I don't want her!" He's so angry that she's acting this way._

_He didn't cheat on her._

"_Yeah," Brooke nods. "And I don't want her seconds. Not anymore."_

"_Her seconds?" he questions. "Really Brooke? Her seconds?"_

_His voice is getting louder no matter how much he wants to control it. "You are the mother of my child. I love you. I told her that I love you! I want to be with you."_

"_Well, I think you should get over it."_

_She's like a stone and he knows from experience that when she's like this, nothing cracks her._

"_Let's go, baby." _

_He turns to see his little girl walking into the room, dragging her bag and old teddy bear behind her. Her big blue eyes are looking at him, questioning. "Is everything okay, daddy?"_

_She looks like she's about to cry and he feels instantly guilty. "Everything's fine, beautiful. Daddy's just upset because he's going to miss you. He loves you so much and doesn't want to be away from you."_

"_You're going away again?" Tears start welling up and he bends down to scoop her up._

_His eyes go from hers to Brooke's and back again. "I'm not going anywhere. This is my home and I missed you so much."_

_She seems satisfied with that answer. "Will you come visit me at mommy's like before?"_

_He nods. "Whatever you want."_

_Then he picks up her things and walks out to Brooke's car with her. He buckles her into her car seat and smiles toward Brooke. "Give me a call soon and we'll talk about when I can have her again?"_

_If she's going to pretend, then so will he._

For some reason, he didn't think he'd spend too long pretending. He has no idea how it got to be almost two years later with him still pretending that this isn't killing him.

Brooke is much better at it than he is.

When he hears the doorbell ring, he knows it's her and he wants to continue the talk that they were having so he sends Delila into her room to grab her things.

"Hey, B." He opens the door to his ex-girlfriend, holding his nephew. Damnit. He forgot all about her keeping Jamie tonight even though he told Nathan earlier on the phone that she was. "I really wanted to talk to you."

Her eyes carefully avoid his. "I don't have the time right now, Lucas."

It's curt and cold, as if she's doing business and not talking to him about love. About family.

"Well, when will you have the time?" Instantly, he's angry.

She turns further away from him and yells into his house, "Dee, hurry up, babe. We're having a sleepover with Jamie tonight!"

"Brooke." He tries to get her to look at him. Just one look.

"When will we be important enough to fit into your schedule?"

She turns to him as Delila runs into the room, clearly excited at the prospect of a sleepover, "Never."

It's concise and ultimate. She's not budging.

Delila starts to ask for Lucas to come and Brooke cuts her off. "Not tonight. Daddy has things to do. Things to think about. Kiss daddy byes. You won't be seeing him for awhile."

He kneels down and gives her a big hug and kiss, unsure of what's happening. She can't take away his daughter. She wouldn't.

"Brooke?" It's a question; he doesn't know what's going on. "Why?"

"You said you wanted time to go to LA." She finally turns her eyes towards his and locks on.

"Go to LA, Luke." She dares him. "Prove it."

_What about love,  
Don't you want someone to care about you?  
What about love,  
Don't let it slip away.  
What about love,  
I only want to share it with you._

_

* * *

  
_

_**Please review. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it and it was worth the wait! :)**_

_**- Corey  
**_


	8. Tongue

_**So, not quite a month since the last update. I swear I'm not trying to take this long to update! I just have a lot going on right now but I'm doing my best and hopefully as this story winds down- which it will in the next coming chapters- and I'm thinking that that's a good thing since it seems like interest in it is dying out- I'll be able to update more frequently.**_

_**This is all Lucas's pov. I know everyone hates him and blah blah blah.. but fear not- next chapter is completely Brooke's pov :) .. also, I'm sorry for the end LP scene. I know that the Peyton slash Lucas haters would probably want a different break up. But the truth is- he cares about Peyton and she knows (because he told her a long time ago) that he loves Brooke the most. So um, try not to hate on me too much in the reviews, please and thank you.**_

_**Also, I'm going to get the links for those arts and put them in my profile so you can see them. For everyone who asked.**_

_**Remember I don't own anything. Not the characters and not the title, which is a kick ass song by Damien Rice.**_

_**

* * *

**_

_This one's for you.  
This one's for me.  
This one's for you.  
What must I be?_

"Lucas, don't you think you're going about this all wrong?" his best friend since early childhood asks for the fourth time this hour. "I mean, at least call her. Tell her you're on your way. You're going to get out there and she's not going to know what hit her. Give her a chance to prepare."

He sighs and looks over at Haley, "I never should have pulled you out of whatever you and Nathan were doing." Seeing the look on her face get dreamy and faraway, he makes a gagging noise in his throat and laughs, "He's still my brother Hales, no need for those faces, okay?"

She laughs back at him. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm laughing because you didn't pull us out of anything. Thank you very much. Nathan was already sleeping when you called. You missed pulling us out of it by well over an hour." Winking and sticking her tongue out at him, she does a little dance. "Now, hopefully when you get back, I can take my goddaughter off of Brooke's hands for a little while and not interrupt you two. She needs it. You need it."

"Haley, this is not the time to talk about my sex life," he groans, rolling his eyes. "Besides, I'm pretty sure Brooke's had more sex than I have in the past three years."

She turns on him and scrunches up her face. "Why would you say that, Luke?"

He throws his toothbrush and deodorant into his carry on bag and shrugs. "I see Peyton maybe once a month and before we started dating, I hadn't had sex in over a year. And, you're the only person I ever plan on telling this to, Peyton and I haven't even had obligatory sex the last three times we've seen each other."

"And you think Brooke's sex life is rockin'? Have you forgotten that she takes care of your child all the time?" Haley tries to curb the accusatory tone in her voice but she can't help feeling a small ounce of annoyance. He really thinks Brooke has more sex than him.

He drops his bag next to the door and turns to her with a frustrated grunt, "I know that she takes care of _our_ child. But so do I, best friend. And I just assumed she does an Angelina."

"A what?"

"You know, sex is a necessity for Brooke. I assume that she dates when I have Dee. I take Dee over night two, sometimes three, times a week now. I just figured. . ."

He trails off and Haley slaps him across the head. Hard. "Ow, Haley, what the hell?"

"Do not assume. When you do, you make an ass out of yourself. Brooke hasn't had sex in three years, that I know of and I'm pretty sure I'd know."

Haley's yelling at him, pointing her finger in his face and he can barely concentrate. The last time Brooke had sex was with him.

"She loves me, Hales?"

He doesn't even know why he's asking. It's what he's been wishing for since she sat in his childhood bedroom and broke his heart. Since he watched her give birth to the most important person in his life. Since he kissed her three years ago. But somewhere along the line, he stopped wishing for it because he knew she loved him; now, he's just wishing she'd admit it.

"She loves me." It's not a question this time. It's a statement. The truth.

"Yeah. She loves you, Luke." She speaks so quietly that he almost can't hear her. He feels the tears building up in his eyes and he connects eyes with the one person who he thinks can understand what that means.

"She loves me."

"So you need to go catch a plane, and prove to her that you love her."

He nods, "I'll spend forever proving it to her, Hales."

Haley smiles at him. "I know, Luke. I know."

_I've got a nervous feeling, over you,  
I got someone to love me, oh so true.  
But who am I fooling?_

"_I know, Haley." Brooke laughs into the phone, "I've taken care of a baby before. He's fine."_

_She stands back, rolling her eyes at the girl on the other end of the phone and making faces at the baby in Lucas's arms. "Okay, thank you." She pauses again, "I love you, too, tutormama. Go spend some quality time with that husband of yours."_

_When she hangs up the phone laughing and takes the fourteen month old baby from Lucas, she's laughing. "She acts like he's two weeks old and I'm a sixteen year old with no experience."_

_He watches her expertly handle their godson while moving around the kitchen making what looks like lunch. "Brooke, Dee's sleeping. Who are you making food for?"_

"_You aren't staying?" She looks up at him, a tinge of worry in her eyes._

_Staying? They've barely spoken since that day in his house when she decided that they'd always be friends and nothing more. Now, she wants him to stay here for what? A whole weekend?_

"_Uhh, Brooke, I didn't know I was supposed to." Great, now he sounds like an idiot, too. "But, I mean, if you want me here, I can stay. Or I can take Dee to my house with me."_

_She looks a little hurt by his offer. "You don't think I can take care of both of them? You don't want to hang out with me?"_

_He already knows she's about to break down. She's had a long, stressful week. It started with Peyton coming into town for the first time in two years and running into Brooke at the grocery store. Plus, Haley told him that she had a really important meeting about her designs that didn't go well. Because she didn't tell anyone and so she had to bring Delila last minute. No one takes a twenty-one year old trying to sell their designs seriously when her three year old is sitting in the lobby waiting for her. And he's sure that Brooke couldn't even concentrate knowing that she was trusting some secretary to watch Dee. _

_He and Brooke had been fighting all week because he wasn't allowed to see Delila when Peyton was in town. Apparently, that was a new rule. But none of that matters now. Not as he watches the tears build up in her eyes._

"_Hey, no. No, that's not what I meant," he reaches over, pulls their nephew from her arms and wraps his arms around her. "I just thought you were mad at me. I didn't know you wanted me here. Of course, you're the best mom. You can handle both of them. I just wanted to help; I told Nate I would. But I didn't know how to if you were mad at me. I just wanted to give you options."_

_Her tears soak through his shirt as he rubs her back, "It's okay, B. Let it out. It's gonna be just fine."_

_When she finally pulls away and wipes furiously at her traitorous tears, trying to stop them from falling, she says, "I'm not mad at you. Why would I be mad at you? I thought you were mad at me."_

_He just shakes his head because sometimes she can be so frustrating. Why would he be mad at her?_

"_I just, I can't handle Peyton playing mommy to her. I need to be her favorite mommy," she starts to ramble. "Everyone always loves her more. I just wanna be number one in her life, ya know?"_

"_Brooke." He holds up his free hand to stop her from talking. "I get it. Okay? I don't want any guys around her either. I get it. It's fine. I just. I missed her."_

_She nods slightly, as if she's not sure of the truth in his words. _

"_Hey," he reaches out and wipes at the last tears on her cheek, "I missed you, too. A week is too long to go without seeing my favorite girls."_

"_It was the worst week ever," she tells him, the truth in her eyes. "I missed you, too."_

_He nods his head and smiles at her, "I'll make sure Peyton's visits don't last that long anymore and if you ever need me while she's here, just call me. I'll come here. Dee doesn't have to go there."_

_Brooke smiles up at him, a real, genuine, dimply smile, "Thank you, Luke."_

"_Anytime," he smiles back then he gets a gleam in his eye, "So you ready for this weekend? Two of them? So much fun?"_

_She laughs. "No, I have them like this all week long. So not fun."_

"_Oh, really?"_

"_Yeah," she smiles. "Your daughter wants the world to revolve around her and when it doesn't, she has a fit. And this one," she grabs Jamie's toes and shakes them, "is a mama's boy to the core."_

_He looks down at his nephew, "Whoa, Jamie. Did you just hear those words? Those are fightin' words coming out of your Aunt Brooke's mouth."_

_He turns and looks up at her. "I can handle her for ya, if you know, you're too busy?"_

_He looks back down at Jamie, who unknowingly smiles his approval, "Okay, then."_

_And quicker than Brooke can run away he sits Jamie down in the high chair and chases after her ready to tickle her at any given moment._

_I need to feel hope, I need to feel young again.  
I need to be bold, start using my tongue again.  
They can laugh as I cry, They can cut 'til I bleed.  
I ain't losing, 'cause this one's for me._

The plane hits turbulence while trying to land at LAX and he feels his stomach jolt a little bit. This is it. No safety net anymore.

If he chooses to do this, and Brooke still doesn't want him, he's all alone.

But he has to do it because if he doesn't, he'll never know and that would be worse than being all alone. Besides, he'll never be truly alone because he has enough of Brooke in his little girl to keep him happy forever.

Yes, this is just something he has to do and something he should have done a long time ago. This whole round of him and Peyton was one big mess. One of his biggest mistakes. He'll never stop being sorry for it.

He figures he should check into his hotel first; it's on the way to Peyton's anyway. So he hails a cab outside of the airport and tells the driver where he's staying. He lays his head back in the seat and thinks about how much he hates LA. It's so congested and the traffic never stops being backed up. He supposes some people think it's beautiful but he'd never be able to write here. The smog and heat- even now in what is winter for most of the country, it's hot here. He has never quite understood why Peyton is here. Or why she'd think that he could ever live here. They must not know each other at all.

Everyone thinks they're alike and maybe on the outside, they are. They like the same music, the same movies; they even dress kind of the same. Or, they used to- before Peyton became an executive and started wearing business suits more than he could ever like. But when she's in Tree Hill, she goes right back to being Peyton. Jeans and a tee shirt. That's the girl he loves. But they really aren't alike at all. She handles things differently than him. Everything- right down to how she handles death- is different on the inside. Peyton plays the victim. He's more like Brooke; he's productive. He channels it into something else. Yeah. On the outside, he and Peyton may seem the same- like soul mates- but on the inside, it's Brooke who's more like him. Who's more his soul mate.

As he checks into the hotel, he wonders how he's going to tell her. She knows. Of course, she already knows but she's going to want him to say it. Say that they aren't going to get married and have a family- like she wants. Say that he already has a family and that's what he wants to be a part of. Say that it's never been her. There's always been this other girl- who he is completely in love with. And loving Peyton just isn't enough- because there's a Brooke. And maybe if there never was a Brooke, this wouldn't be an issue. But now that he knows. Now that he knows what passion and fire feels like, he can't settle for just a luke warm love- and she shouldn't have to settle either. Of course, they're friends. But that's all they've ever been.

He hopes she understands. He wants her to understand.

Because he does love her. And he wishes it could be more than that. For her sake. But it never has been.

Not ever. He tried. It doesn't work.

_Tell me what the fuck must I be for you.  
Tell me what must I be for you?_

_Awkward with Brooke is the hardest thing he has ever had to do. It's never been quite this uncomfortable, though. Sitting in this church, waiting for them to baptize their godson is like sitting between the gates of heaven and hell and wondering which one is going to take him. Hell might be a better option than this. Deep in the depths, where he never has to hear again about the mistakes he has made. As a father. As a man. _

_Or as a godfather- which he hasn't even been for a full month yet. The speech his so-called best friend gave him coming in here was ridiculous and he wonders if anyone blames Brooke in any way at all for him going to New York and accepting this cross-country book tour. No. It's all his fault. _

_It always is._

_Looking around, he feels like everyone is watching him. His little girl is curled up in his lap, where she's been since he arrived this morning. His brother is next to him- the only one even sort of supporting him. Haley is on the other side of him, acting as a Brooke barrier. And Brooke is holding a sleeping James Lucas Scott. And his parents and sister are sitting next to Brooke. Traitors._

_The minister motions to them and he shifts Delila to his mom before following his brother up to where the girls are already standing. They did this with Dee, too- just that Haley was holding the baby then and everyone was talking to Nate so he knows how this ceremony is going to go. _

_Brooke will promise to watch over and care for Jamie's spiritual and emotional needs and then he will do the same when she passes the baby to him. Then they'll dunk the baby in holy water and he'll scream. And there will be a nice party for all of the family and friends that can fit at their dad's house. And that will be that._

_When she passes him the baby, they lock eyes and she give him a small, uneasy smile and he instantly feels better. Maybe he's going to get into heaven after all._

_But then she doesn't talk to him at all during the party even though Delila doesn't leave his side. She flits around making sure everyone, everyone but him and their daughter, has had enough to eat and are comfortable. He hates how this house, his father's house, is more like hers than his. He finds himself wishing that his mom and Lily had thrown the party at the house he grew up in, instead. He'd be more comfortable there. He doesn't care how irrational it is- how half the people couldn't even fit into that house. He just wants the upper hand._

_Why is he wrong? She broke his heart, damnit. He just wants to yell it out to them all as they stare at him with judgmental eyes._

_He's leaving his family to go on a book tour. But is he really leaving them? Because Brooke knows that she can come- Brooke told him to go. She said she didn't want him._

_This isn't fair._

"_Life isn't fair, Lucas." His mom comes up from behind him, scaring him. "No one is blaming you. I can see that you think that's what's going on here, my boy. But no one blames you. This is your career. The only person blaming you- is you."_

_He looks at her confused. Can she hear his thoughts? "But Haley-"he starts to disagree._

_Karen shakes her head at him. "Haley just had a baby. Her hormones are all over. She misses you." Calmly, she runs her hand over Dee's head which is lying on his shoulder, sound asleep. "We all miss you. This little one is holding on for dear life."_

"_What should I do, Ma? Should I come home instead?"_

_He's so confused. "If I go, I'll make enough money to support them for a long time."_

"_If you don't go, Brooke's going to feel guilty. She'll feel like she's holding you back." His mom looks at him with her all-knowing eyes. "I see what's going on here. I wasn't born yesterday. I know you love her."_

"_It doesn't matter," he shakes his head. "She doesn't love me like that."_

_He can feel the tears building up over something he thought he was over. He tried to get over it._

"_You don't honestly believe that?" She sounds incredulous. "If she didn't love you, this wouldn't be killing her. You in the same house is making her go slowly insane. Can't you see that?"_

"_What I see, is the woman I love- the mother of my child- hasn't looked at me once since the church. Since we took that picture outside. She won't even talk to Dee because she's with me." He grits his teeth, trying his best not to betray his emotions. "That's what I see."_

"_Well then, you aren't looking hard enough, son."_

_His dad comes up from behind him. "How about you hand me your human shield, also known as my granddaughter, and just go over there and talk to her?"_

_He sighs and realizes that they aren't letting him leave without talking to her. So he kisses his daughter on the cheek and hands her over to his father. Then he walks over to where she's been standing, watching them talk._

"_Can we talk, Brooke?"_

_She shakes her head, "I don't think that's such a great idea."_

_He sighs, frustrated already, "When will it be a good idea? When I'm halfway across the country? Will you talk to me then?"_

"_So, you're going then? A full year, Luke?"_

_He nods. "It's a lot of money, Brooke." _

_They stand there saying things with their eyes, that they could never say out loud, so he's not sure that they're even the truth. If you can't say it out loud, how can it be true? "Please, consider coming with me, Brooke."_

"_My life is here," she tells him, without missing a beat. "Of course, you can see Delila whenever you want."_

"_I want to see her every day. I want to see you every day. What the hell do I have to do to prove that to you, damnit?"_

_He's yelling and the whole purpose of talking to her quietly is thrown out the window as people start turning to look at what's going on. "You know what," he says, as she stands there looking at him as if he just slapped her. "I have to go. I have a trip to prepare for. I can't be here anymore. You call me when you figure out how I'm gonna see her. Obviously, seeing you doesn't matter. Maybe it never did."_

"_Luke!" she calls out to his retreating form. _

_When he doesn't stop, she tries again. "Lucas!"_

_He turns and looks at her, trying to stop himself from feeling the sting of rejection when his eyes connect with hers. _

"_I'm sorry."_

_He nods. Now he knows, sorry isn't good enough._

_Not when you're screaming out in pain from the worst possible rejection known to man._

_Not when all you want is to be loved by the person you love._

_But I need to feel hope, I need to feel young again.  
And I need to be bold, start using my tongue again._

The doorman on duty is the one that Lucas knows so he doesn't call up. He lets him go up to surprise her. Some surprise it's going to be.

He opens the door with the spare key that she gave him at some point last year and calls her name into the darkness. The doorman said she was here and it's way too early for her to be sleeping.

He starts to walk toward the back of the apartment when she appears in the kitchen.

"Hey," she sounds surprised. Mission accomplished. "What are you doing here?"

He turns the overhead light on and he can tell that she's been crying.

When he doesn't answer her, she continues, "I was just, ya know. Out on the terrace. LA at night is beautiful. I was thinking. Out there. Have you ever been out there? I don't think you have. Wanna see?"

She's rambling. She knows. It hurts him- what he's about to do to her. And he wonders how it came to this. How he could have ever let it come to this. And he realizes that this time- sorry isn't going to be good enough either.

He shakes his head, "Peyt-" he starts.

She puts up her hands, "Please, don't. If you aren't here, to be my boyfriend, then I don't want to hear it."

He looks into her eyes, knowing that even if she doesn't want to hear it, he has to do it. "I love you," he tries again and feels more guilt hit him as she smiles a sad smile.

"It's not enough, though, is it?" she asks.

"No," he looks at her, trying to convey through his eyes how truly sorry he is. "I've told you this several times and this time, it's going to stick. There's another girl- woman, now- who I am completely in love with. And this relationship," he motions between the two of them, "isn't fair to you, me, or her."

"Lucas, I'm sorry for what I said in Tree Hill." She tries to hold on. "I'm fine with them coming first. Really. I understand."

"It's not about that, Peyton." He tells her, "I think we all knew that eventually it'd come to this. I have a family. You aren't a part of that family; you never will be. And I love them more."

He pauses, "I love Brooke more. I always have."

"But she doesn't want to be with you."

He nods, "I'm taking that chance."

She looks a mixture between confused and angry, "So, I love you and she might not and you still want her?"

"Peyton, it's not fair to you to settle for halfway. I wouldn't want you to." He pleads, "I want you to find someone who makes your whole world better."

"You do that for me."

He shakes his head no and can see the tears streaming down her cheeks but stops himself from closing the distance between them to comfort her. He doesn't want to confuse her.

"I don't. Maybe you think I do. But I don't. I know that because I wouldn't be making you cry right now, and every time we see each other if I did." He takes one last look at her, "I know there's someone out there for you and I hope you find it so you can understand why I had to do this. Brooke's it for me, Peyt. I can't pretend anymore. It's killing me."

He takes a breath and continues, "And it'll kill you and my family if I don't walk away. Now. So I'm going. I'm gonna miss you. Take care of yourself."

He gets to the door before she says anything but as he closes it he can hear her say, "I'll miss you, too."

She'll be okay. She survived it before and she'll survive it again.

Now he's just hoping that when he gets home, he can prove to Brooke that this is it. This time, he's not going anywhere.

He hopes that Brooke's ready to trust him because he doesn't know what else to do to make her understand that he loves her.

This isn't just for Brooke and Dee. This is for him. And now, the rest is up to her.

_They can laugh as I cry, they can cut 'til I bleed.  
I ain't losing, 'cause this one's for me.

* * *

_

_**I hope ya'll enjoyed it. Please, as always, read and review.**_

_**-Corey  
**_


	9. Trust

_**So, I thought maybe two updates in one week would get me out of the dog house. Haha. This is Brooke's POV on last chapter mostly. So it was really easy to write. We're winding down people. Enjoy.**_

_**I don't own a thing. I wish I did. Things would be sooo different.  
**_

_**

* * *

**_

_  
Seventeen we were too young,  
To be thinking about the future.  
To be worried about the consequence of fun. . .  
It's just fun._

"Brooke Davis, if I walk in here and you're pacing, it's not going to be pretty."

Nathan's voice comes through the house and before she can stop herself from pacing a hole in the floor, he's at the doorway. He rolls his eyes, "God, you and Lucas really don't know when to stop the foreplay and just get on with it."

Before she can even respond to that, she's interrupted by her daughter streaking through the living room toward him. "Uncle Naaaaate!" she screams. "I missed you."

"How much?" he asks her, smiling.

"This much," she tells him, holding her little arms out as wide as they go. "Times a million billion and my daddy says that's a whole lot."

Without skipping a beat, she turns to Brooke and asks, "Mama, what's foreplay and when do you and daddy play without me? Daddy is Lucas, right?"

Nathan looks at Brooke in mocking shock, "Brooke, do you play without your little girl?"

"Shut it, you," she demands, finding her voice.

She reaches over to take Dee from her uncle when Jamie toddles in. He hasn't quite learned why people run yet. He's calm and takes his time getting from one place to another, no matter how excited he is. It bothers the Scott men; because they wonder how he'll ever play if he doesn't want to run.

"Daddy!" he exclaims, reaching his arms up to be held by Nathan.

"Sweetheart," Brooke starts to tell Dee, "Uncle Nathan does not know what he's talking about. Your daddy and I never play any games, of any sort," she clarifies, raising an eyebrow at Nathan. "without you."

Nathan isn't even paying attention to her anymore; since the second his son walked in the room, he's been having a quiet conversation with him about how much it hurts him to be away. Not that James can quite understand it, but he just needs him to know. Brooke understands it. She wonders if Lucas got like that with Delila when he was gone for all of those months when she was a baby.

"Good," her daughter smiles at her. "Because you guys are boring and the games would be no fun without me."

Nathan laughs at that declaration. "The kid's got a point, Davis."

She just swats at him and gives her daughter a kiss on the forehead, "That play room better not be a complete mess when I go back there. You two were supposed to be picking up toys," she tells the kids. "Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere. Remember."

Jamie smiles and claps for his aunt, "Clean up, Clean up, everybody do your share."

She laughs. "That's right, Jim-jam. Do you want me to go check it right now?"

The cousins look at each other and Jamie squirms in his dad's arms until Nathan puts him down. And they run- even Jamie- back to the room with all the toys. Nathan laughs and mock claps for Brooke.

"See," she tells him smugly, "he can run."

He just continues laughing and then makes an offhanded comment about the hole that she's creating in the floor of this living room- with all of the pacing that gets done over his brother in here. "Nathan," she asks him. "I have Jamie for the night; what are you doing here?"

"Well, your strange sexual tension slash games sent Lucas to Haley who's helping him get on a plane to LA and so I was in my big house all alone and decided to come stop your nonstop worrying to let you know that he's going."

"He's going." She repeats it.

Nathan nods, "You okay?"

"Do you know why he's going?" She needs to hear it from someone.

"He's going to break up with Peyton to prove he loves you." That's not Nathan. It's Haley.

"Like he needs to prove it." That's Nathan. Brooke glares at him and then turns to Haley.

Uneasily, she asks, "How is he?"

Haley laughs, "He's pretty good; a little scared, I think. But mostly, it's like he was really confused and I don't know what happened, but now he's not."

"He's not anymore?"

Her best friend shakes her head no with a secret little smile on her face. "I love that I knew I'd find my husband here without ever even going to my house. What are you doing?"

"I came because I figured if Lucas was going to LA, something happened and Brooke would be here worrying." He smiles at Brooke, "And I was right."

Haley walks up to Brooke and wraps her up in a hug. "There's no need to worry, B. It's always been you."

"Always?" She has to ask.

Haley smiles at her, "I do believe that from the moment he realized he could have you, it was you. It's just that he was scared and you were scared. B, you have to give him a chance when he comes back."

Brooke nods. "What if it's not me? What then?"

"It is you," Nathan tells her. "It's time you let that sink in."

"You know," Haley laughs, "I think my husband has a point. Just repeat it to yourself. Lucas loves you."

"Lucas loves me." Brooke quietly repeats, "Lucas loves me."

"Tell it to yourself as many times as you need to," Haley warns her. "Just be prepared. He's coming back single and he's not going to back down."

Brooke just shakes her head and continues on, "Lucas loves me."

_Yeah we grew up oh so fast.  
Now we're longing for the innocence.  
We swore ourselves would never pass.  
But it has passed._

"_Daddy's here!" her daughter's shrieks wake her up._

_She runs down the hall, praying that Jamie slept through all of Dee's five am announcements. When she gets to the kitchen, Lucas is there cooking a very delicious looking breakfast. Delila has already quieted down and is seated at her chair and Jamie is in the high chair. He smiles over at her, "French toast, pretty? Or chocolate chip pancakes?"_

_She grins back, "Guess."_

_He, without hesitation picks up a plate, and sits it in front of her. French toast, already buttered and cut diagonally, drizzled with syrup and chocolate chips. Exactly what she wanted. _

"_Mmm," she sighs up at him. "I miss Saturday mornings at your mom's."_

"_I'd do it for you every day if," he trails off and turns around to serve Jamie his food. _

_If what? If he lived here, with them. If he wasn't with Peyton._

_If he loved her._

_Brooke wishes more than anything that he could just love her. And that she could just believe it._

_Instead of even addressing it, she turns to Dee, who is shoveling pieces of chocolate chip pancakes into her mouth, and asks, "Did you sleep well, baby?"_

"_mmhmm," she mumbles, "Jamie woke me up though."_

_At least, that's what she thinks she said. It came out in a jumble with the pancake in her mouth._

_Lucas turns and laughs, "Dee, don't talk with food in your mouth."_

_She looks up at him innocently and says, "But Mama asked me a question, Daddy."_

"_Swallow first, next time, Princess," he tells her, softly. "Mama will wait for her answer."_

"_So," she informs them, "we've got a long day today. We're gonna go over to the park; I thought we could have a picnic," she says just to Lucas, "and then we've got some shopping to do; grocery," again, just to Lucas, "and then we're going to have a movie night."_

_She claps her hands together to get the kids excited and jumps up and down a little in her seat._

_If she's honest with herself, she loves weekends like this. A reason to pretend that she and Lucas are a happy little family. Babysitting their nephew and hanging out with their daughter. And they don't have a care in the world except making the kids and each other happy. She likes to pretend like nothing else exists. Now if only he could kiss her during these fantasy weekends._

_She shakes the thought out of her head. No. She cannot think like that. They're friends. They're working hard on it. They already messed it up once and she can't do that to Dee._

_She can't do it to herself. That rejection is just too much to bear._

_She wonders if he'd do this with Peyton. Cook her breakfast and make funny faces at the kids and look at her like she's the only person in the room._

_Is she special? Or is she just the girl here?_

_That's why she can't bring herself to send Dee over there. What if over there they aren't playing house? What if over there, they're building a home? What if she likes it better there? That would leave Brooke alone. Again. And Peyton would have everyone in the world that she cares about._

_And she knows that Lucas says that he loves her, too. But what if he doesn't really? He has said it before. What if he just says that? What if the only reason he loves her is Delila and without her, Lucas wouldn't love her either? _

_She can't bear to find out. To find out that she really is unlovable and that the only people in the world she feels truly love her only love her by default. Because of her daughter or because they have to. Because there's no other choice._

"_Hey, beautiful." Lucas looks concerned, "Where are you at?"_

"_Just thinking," she smiles at him. "This is nice."_

_He grins back at her, "This is everything. My baby, you, and our nephew. Great breakfast, because I cooked, thank you very much. Family, Brooke. That's everything."_

_She looks down. What if he has a family with Peyton too? What, then?_

_She doesn't want to know._

_Won't you listen to the words I'm speaking?  
Time could take this pain away and save us,  
If we learn to trust again._

After Nathan and Haley leave, while still unrelenting about what she needs to do when Lucas comes home, she goes into the play room to help the kids clean up. She has to just trust in his love. How hard could that be?

Extremely.

She's not sure she'd live through it if she put everything into him again and lost him again. She's not even sure she's truly living now. She's surviving, yes. But she only truly breathes in those moments with him, where they're a family.

"Mama!"

"Auntie Brooke!"

Both kids scream for her when she walks into the pigsty that is the play room. "It doesn't look to me like you guys have even tried here."

She laughs looking at their poor exhausted faces and decides that this can wait until morning. "Hey, you guys look tired, how bout we do a team cleanup effort tomorrow and get ready to go to bed now instead?"

They both nod their heads up and down frantically, anything to get out of cleaning up their mess. "Okay, well then, let's go upstairs before I change my mind. Tubby time."

Forty-five minutes and one big bath mess later, she's tucking them into bed in the nursery. Jamie in the trundle bed that they keep for him and Delila in her big girl bed. "One story, guys."

"You choose, Mama." Dee smiles at her. "I like your choices."

They usually read chapter books, but when Jamie's over, since it's only one night, they make sure to have a story that can be finished. Brooke chooses "Goodnight, Moon."

Mostly because it's what Lucas always reads when he's here and she, all of a sudden, misses him terribly.

Lucas loves her. He does.

And she loves him.

_Now I'm waking with the dawn.  
And there's no rest with the hollowness.  
That's moved into my soul since you've been gone,  
Where have you gone?_

_This christening has been the day from hell. From the fiery, burning depths of somewhere that she never believed existed- until now. _

_All day long, her daughter has been clinging to Lucas as if he's the second coming. And all day long, she's been dealing with looks from all of these people- these people who are only a part of her family because she had a baby- that tell her that they couldn't disapprove of what she's doing more. They think she should just give up her life and go to be with him. When he clearly has a life that he's building without them._

_A year away from home! She thought he'd be gone a couple of months and now he's extending it. She truly never thought he'd last this long away from Delila. Away from her. _

"_They aren't judging you, ya know." Karen's voice comes through her thoughts in a soothing way._

_She smiles at her daughter's grandmother and reaches over to hug her. "It feels like they are."_

_The older woman shakes her head at her, "What you feel are your own judgments, Brooke. Not theirs."_

"_He's leaving, Karen," she looks up at her. "He's leaving, and I sent him away. What if he doesn't come back?"_

_Karen smiles a little at that, "Brooke, you couldn't keep that boy away from you and his daughter for anything else in this world. Honey, I wish you believed and understood that."_

_There's a pause in the conversation and Brooke wonders if everyone thinks he loves her. And she also wonders how they could possibly believe that after watching him with Peyton for all that time. He loved Peyton; it was obvious in everything he did. It had always been obvious._

"_Sweetheart, I think you should think about going with him. Getting away from all of this," the woman who may as well be her mother gestures around the room, "It might be good for the both of you and your daughter. You could start fresh."_

_Brooke nods. She gets it. Really, she does. But she doesn't want to uproot her baby. They'd have to have her second birthday on the road. She feels her chest tighten with panic as she realizes that means that if she stays, Lucas might miss her second birthday. Before she can respond, Karen walks away. She sees her walk up to where Lucas is standing on the other side of the room. Dee is asleep on his shoulder and she wants so badly to go relieve him of having to hold her. She just can't bring herself to walk over to him. She can't do it._

"_Bookie, Bookie," Lily is at her feet and reaching up to her. _

"_Hey, you pretty little thing." She coos, bending down to pick her up. "Where is your Uncle Dan at, huh?"_

_The little girl just shrugs her shoulders and points toward the stairs. "You sleepy, babe?" she asks her. "Or you wanna go lie down and watch a movie?"_

_Lils smiles and claps her hands so Brooke takes that as a positive response. She quietly walks up the stairs and goes into the room that Lily sleeps in here at Dan's house, when they're here. Turning on the tv and popping a DVD of Strawberry Shortcake into the player, she lays the little girl in her crib and gives her a soft little kiss. "Have a good nap, babe."_

_She stops at the top of the stairs and takes a deep breath, bracing herself before she enters the depths of torture again. As she descends, she takes in the scenes around her. Nathan and Haley are talking and laughing with Royal and May, who is holding her newly baptized grandson. There are little groups of people formed everywhere. Skills, Bevin, Mouth, and Rachel are in a group discussing something that seems serious. She'll have to remember to ask Mouth or Rachel about it later. And Lucas and Karen are right where she last saw them. By the door, which Dan is coming through as she reaches the bottom of the staircase. _

_Before she gets up the gusto to start circling the room again, making sure everyone is comfortable, Lucas is in front of her._

"_Can we talk, Brooke?"_

_He looks hopeful, and she doesn't know what to do with that. Because she doesn't know where she is. She doesn't know where he is. She doesn't trust anything she could say to him._

_So she turns him down, "I don't think that's such a great idea."_

_Because she doesn't. _

"_When will it be a good idea? When I'm halfway across the country? Will you talk to me then?" He looks aggravated with her and she can't blame him. But she can't stop herself from pushing him away either._

_Or could she? She has to ask, "So, you're going then? A full year, Luke?"_

_Because she just doesn't understand it. A full year away from Dee, Jamie, and Lils. A full year away from Naley and his parents. She wouldn't be able to do it. How can he?_

_He nods at her and she can see his determination. "It's a lot of money, Brooke."_

_Money? That's what this is about? Money. To take care of them. Didn't he realize they need him more than they need money? She's trying to explain this to him, with her eyes, because she doesn't know how to say it out loud, when he breaks the silence, "Please, consider coming with me, Brooke."_

"_My life is here," she regrets it the moment it comes out of her mouth. She should've thought before speaking. So she tries to mend it, "Of course, you can see Delila whenever you want."_

_He's pissed. She watches as his nostrils flare and he tries to reign in his temper, without any luck._

_Then without warning, he starts yelling at her, "I want to see her every day. I want to see you every day. What the hell do I have to do to prove that to you, damnit?"_

_She feels the eyes of every person in the room turning on them and she's glad that Delila is asleep somewhere. She read once that a child can feel negative energy, especially when it's coming from people who they're close to. She doesn't want Dee to ever feel the consequences of her bad decisions. Of her bad decisions. _

_When he realizes that she's too shocked to speak, he continues on, a little bit more controlled. "You know what," he tells her, "I have to go. I have a trip to prepare for. I can't be here anymore. You call me when you figure out how I'm gonna see her. Obviously, seeing you doesn't matter. Maybe it never did."_

_She feels like if she lets him go now, he'll never be able to look at her again. So she tries to get him to come back, calling out, "Luke!" _

_But he doesn't stop. He doesn't even flinch. She tries again, stopping just short of using his full name, "Lucas!"_

_When he turns, and locks his ice blue eyes onto hers, she loses all track of what she even wants to say. She just wants him to know that she loves him. That she wishes she could just jump into his arms and travel around the country with him. That she could believe that that is what he wants. But she can't. He has to understand that they can't just go back. Too much has happened._

_She has to protect their daughter. She has to protect herself._

_But she doesn't know how to say that. So she does the only thing she can think to do._

_She apologizes, "I'm sorry."_

_But as he nods curtly and then turns and walks away, she knows it's not nearly okay._

_And she has no clue how to make it okay._

_I've got nothing left to give.  
I've given all my gifts to you.  
Now I've just got the bags from where I've been,  
Where have I been?_

After cleaning up the playroom and the dinner mess, she sits at her dining room table with a scrap book. One that she made a long time ago and avoids looking at most of the time.

She made it while she was pregnant, for her unborn child. She wanted the baby to grow up and know how much love created her.

There are pictures of her and Lucas all through senior year. She tries to decipher before the break up and after, and the only thing that really changed was her growing belly. And, of course, they didn't kiss afterwards. But they were still smiling. Still happy.

She never could bring herself to be pretend happy with him around. He always brought out the real smile in her. She sees that now as she sorts through the pages. Naley's vowel renewal. The Breast Cancer Awareness concert. The weekend at Rachel's cabin. The end of the summer beach party at the beginning of the year. The cheerleading competition. And then everything after the break up. Prom. Honey Grove. Graduation. The state championship. Everything.

It was one of the best and worst years of her life. She had love like she had never known with Lucas. And then it was gone. But in it's place, she was given the greatest gift of all. The gift of life inside of her. The beauty of being everything to this little baby.

She'd never change it.

But now, she needs to start trusting him. She needs to believe that he would never lie to her and that he hasn't been lying to her. She needs a sign that he always has loved her, as she's always loved him.

Her eyes land on a picture; the last in the book. Karen took it a couple of hours after Delila Grace was born. It's her, Lucas, and their newborn.

There they are. A team. She's looking down at her newborn baby girl and he's looking at her. She never quite noticed it before. She just assumed that Lucas was watching Delila too. But he's not. He's watching her and his eyes are full of the one emotion that she needs from him most of all. Love.

He once said that he was just in awe of her that whole day. All that pain and she never backed down. But he was wrong. He gave her that strength. He helped her brave the storm and afterward, when she was looking at the rainbow- he was looking at her.

How could she have never known this before?

Lucas loves her.

He always has. And tonight, he's going to prove it to her all over again.

That's a good thing, too. Because she's never stopped loving him.

And when he gets back, she's going to let him know.

_So sorry they hurt us, so sorry they lied.  
So sorry they left us, so sorry we died inside.  
But I'm glad to be with you, I'm glad we survived.  
And we'll be alright if we let it ride and just let it shine tonight.  


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_

_**  
So, what'd you think? Please review and let me know!**_

_**Thanks for reading as always :)**_

_**- Corey**_


	10. She is Love

**So, I know a lot of ya'll are really, really mad at me. It's been over a month since I last updated and I just really haven't been inspired. As some of you know, I'm in Wilmington full-time now and I have a lot of personal stuff going on. My relationship is like a roller coaster. But more draining than that is watching them film a season without Chad and Hilarie. Everyone who reads me knows how I feel about Lucas and Peyton together.. but it still doesn't feel right without them here. So I think that's probably what has been sucking my inspiration straight out. But then (you should all thank her!!) Hiba sent me a copy of her final Glycerin chapter and asked if I could beta.. and I did. And it gave me a renewed ability. I don't know if this chapter is any good.. and I know it's not what a lot of you were hoping for. But I thought I should get some things straight before moving onto more pressing things. Like a reconciliation. The entirety of next chapter is already planned out (I changed my entire timeline because it wasn't working for me.) and it's all BL confrontation and discussion. That's probably what you were hoping for here but I needed to explain a few things first. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or concepts. I wish I did. Things would be so different if that were the case. The song is by Parachute and it's my new favorite song. It's absolutely beautiful and there's a gorgeous BL video on youtube to it. The maker's name is starsz191 and the id number of the video is jXrf4yjXdBk. Watch it! It's amazing.

* * *

**

_They call her love, love, love, love, love.  
She is love, and she is all I need._

Six hours on a plane is the last thing that Lucas really wants or needs right now. Not for the first time since last night, he wishes Peyton lived closer to home.

He needs to see Brooke right now. He needs to know that she was serious.

About what, he's not sure. She never said that she'd take him back if he proved it. She just told him to prove it. What does that mean? There was nothing promised but he's pretty sure he understood the implications. What if he didn't? What if he implied things that she never did with her words? What then?

Then he's alone.

For the first time ever, he'd be okay with that, too. Because at least alone, he can continue proving to Brooke, until she can't deny it anymore, how much he loves her. How much he wants her. How, even if he acts like the biggest idiot in the world, he's never stopped needing her.

When he talked to Haley after leaving Peyton's last night, he had the distinct feeling that she had called and warned Peyton. Which would be why she was as calm as she was. He also knew that she spoke to Brooke. The subject and outcome of that conversation were things that he wasn't privy to, though. Haley had somehow along the way become more Brooke's best friend than his. Somewhere around the time that she became a mom and they had everything in the world in common. Somewhere around the time where Lucas chose to be out gallivanting around with his book instead of being there for his best friend and the mother of his child. Somewhere around then, while Nathan was out drifting around for his basketball career, Brooke and Haley formed a bond that neither of the Scott boys could break through.

Nathan never even tries to, knowing full well that Brooke is helping him out. Knowing that Haley might not be able to handle his constant traveling if she didn't have her best friend around to help with Jamie when he couldn't be there. And knowing that he'd choose Haley and Jamie in a heartbeat if he had to but that he didn't really ever want to have to make that choice. Leaving one love for the other would be really hard on him. But Lucas sees it in his eyes sometimes. The want to pull his family away from his brother's for awhile. The need to have them all to himself when he got home after two weeks on the road with the team and there's some family party that Haley and Brooke are throwing together that makes it impossible to get some time with his wife alone. Nathan can wish for it all he wants but until the girls decide that one of them needs alone time, it doesn't happen. And he can't put an end to it. He doesn't feel he has a right to.

Lucas knows what that feels like- not having the right to request time alone with the woman you love or even your child. In some ways, some might say it hurts him more because at least he and Haley go to bed in the same room at night. At least his son lives under the same roof as him.

At least he only really lost half of Haley.

Lucas has lost all of Brooke. Half because he's an idiot and half because she's got Haley. _And_ he has lost his best friend too. So he's lost more. Yet still, he feels for his brother. Because they really go through the same thing. The girls don't tell him anything unless he needs to know.

Lucas needs to know what the result of Haley and Brooke's conversation was yesterday- Haley doesn't think he does. So he doesn't.

He sighs and closes his eyes. He should try and get some sleep since he hasn't really had any in weeks. Beautiful Brooke appears before him, shaking her head at him and, frustrated he opens them back up. He's not getting any sleep today.

He turns his head toward the window and begins to wonder when she began to consume his every thought. When did he lose her?

When'd she start telling her secrets to everyone but him?

_I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around,  
But she takes it all for me._

_They'd been away for just over a week and he's missing his girlfriend like crazy. But they've visited every college in North Carolina and even some in South Carolina and he feels like maybe he's worked through some of the pain that both he and his mother are feeling over the loss of Keith. The drive home is getting unbearably long even though he knows that they've made longer trips in the past few days._

_As a matter of fact, they've only been on the road for a total of an hour and fifteen minutes and they're only a half hour from Tree Hill. Their last day was spent at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, which is where he knows he would go if he had a choice. It's close to Duke; he knows that's where Haley and Nathan are going to end up. It has a widely known fashion design program so Brooke could easily get in and be happy there. And he can study literature on a beautiful campus with his gorgeous girlfriend. He's not sure where that would leave Peyton but he's positive she could go there too if she wanted to. And if she didn't want to go, he'd take Brooke to visit her wherever. They could do it. They'll make it through college in one piece and all still friends. _

_After all, they've made it through the worst and they're still together. Some would even say that they're closer now. He thinks they are. He has a much better understanding of who Brooke is. Of who her best friend is. And of who he is and what love is and who he loves._

_It's simple when he thinks about it in those terms. Brooke isn't just who he loves- although, he does with all of his heart; she's who he's meant for on a much higher level._

_There's no one else that gets him quite like she does. Nothing can come between that._

_Not even that kiss._

"_What are you thinking about, Luke?" his mom cuts into his reverie and his head snaps up._

_He wonders if she can hear his thoughts sometimes. He wonders if she could, what she'd think he meant when thinking of that kiss. It wasn't romantic and so much has happened that he can't even really be sure it happened. Peyton was dying. She could have died. She didn't mean it._

_But he knows she did. He saw it in her eyes. "Would you hold it against me if I told you I loved you?"? Yes. Yes, he wants to scream. Of course he's going to hold it against her. He's in love with her best friend. Her best friend who still has a hard time trusting him- trusting them- because of the mistakes made in the past. _

_But he didn't say any of that. He let her kiss him. And now, he can't let that come between him and Brooke. He won't. Because he loves her more than anything- more than anyone- and that should be all that matters._

_He smiles at his mom, knowing that she can't really read his mind and simply cuts out the negative thoughts he has to tell her the only truth that matters. "Brooke."_

_Because that's the way it is. He's only thinking of his beautiful and loving girlfriend. That's all that matters. "I can't wait to see her. I've missed her. I've missed home."_

_Karen nods, not questioning the love that she's always seen between the two teenagers. Not worrying about them stepping out into the world. They'd make it._

_**-x-b-x-l-x-**_

_And I lost my faith, in my darkest days,  
But she makes me want to believe._

_Planning this rehearsal dinner has been so trying on her. With Lucas and Peyton both gone, she hasn't even had any real help. Well, that's not really true. Haley's been unknowingly helping her all week and Bevin's directly helping. Everyone has volunteered to do the acting and she realizes, not for the first time, how hard it's going to be to say good-bye to this group of people, this whole town, when they all graduate and separate._

_Just the thought of separating from all of the people she's known for so long hurts her. But then she thinks of months without seeing Peyton and states in between her and Lucas or even her and Haley and her heart breaks. Last summer was hard enough. She never wants to do that again. _

_But everyone's planning to go to college god-knows-where and she can't even bring herself to that state of mind. Even Lucas went away this week to look at schools. What would she do without him?_

_What would this baby do without him? _

_It's an involuntary thought. She tries to erase it before it seeps into her mind but it's too late. It's there. _

_There is no baby. She wills herself to believe it. She needs to make it through this wedding without that thought and then, maybe she can entertain it. What would she do if she was? When was it conceived?_

_How would Lucas feel about it?_

"_B. Davis!"_

_She's interrupted by the best friend that Nathan left to get over a half an hour ago. And she's happy for the intrusion on her thoughts. "P. Sawyer!" she yells back and then opens her arms to her friend for a big bear hug. _

_She's talking about how she took a detour and saw Jake and Jenny instead of Pete this weekend and Brooke couldn't be happier for her friend. Jake. That's where her heart has always been. Then she asks how Brooke's been. All alone and planning a second wedding for two teenagers; oh, and maybe pregnant. But she doesn't say it. Instead she says what she wishes was the truth, "I've been better than great, actually. I miss being independent." _

_She goes on with some nonsense about not even missing Lucas because she's pretty great company all by herself to which Peyton responds that she's the best company and she wonders why it can't be true. Why can't she be okay with being alone?_

_Did he miss her?_

_A couple of minutes later, she hears his voice and her nickname and none of it really matters anyway._

_He's here now and she needs him and that's all that could ever matter._

"_Boyfriend, I missed you."_

_They call her love, love, love, love, love.  
She is love, and she is all I need._

"God, Haley, I miss him." She's almost to the point of whining. They don't usually go more than twenty-four hours without seeing each other. He hasn't gone out to LA to visit Peyton in almost three months. That was the last time she missed him like this. Only then, she couldn't voice it out loud and now, she doesn't care. Why should she? Haley knows she loves him now. She probably knew three months ago. What was the point in waiting this long to say it out loud? What was the point in depriving herself and him of being together?

As a matter of fact, she can't even remember why she broke up with him to begin with. She loved him then and he loved her. Why can't she remember the reasons she had for love not being enough?

"Oh no, no, no." Haley looks at her accusingly, "I can see your wheels spinning. Do not over think this Brooke Penelope Davis. I love you and I understand you most of the time. But you will not mess this up with overanalyzing of facts that don't really exist. You _love_ each other and that's all that matters. Everything else will work itself out. You'll see."

Brooke heaves a sigh, "If love wasn't enough last time, what makes me think it can be enough this time?"

Haley almost growls at her, "It is enough. You just have to let it be."

Before she can respond, the kids shoot into the living room as if they were being chased by a monster. There's a frantic disarray of "mama's!" being yelled and neither Brooke nor Haley can decipher which child is more riled up.

Haley scoops up her son and starts laughing first. "Oh, no, baby. What did you get into?"

Then Brooke sees it. The white powder covering her living room floor, her nephew, and her daughter. "Delila Grace Scott," she starts to scold, with her hands on her hips. "What have you done?"

Her daughter stops dead center of the living room, fear in her eyes, "It came to life, Mama," is her only response.

Now Brooke is worried and kneels down, "What did, baby? What came to life?"

"The cookie!!!" she exclaims. "We wanted to make a giant cookie like in Dora and before we were even at the cooking it stage, which I thought you could help with, it came to life."

Her daughter's eyes are a mixture of awe and fear now and Brooke doesn't know if she's scared of her mother's reaction or if she's afraid of the cookie dough being alive.

Haley sits Jamie down on the floor, so as not to spread the mess more and asks, "Did you and Dee get into a mess in the kitchen, James Lucas Scott?"

His fear of his mom's reaction is obvious as he slowly bobs his head up and down. "Dee-Dee wanted to make Auntie Brooke happy again."

"What does that mean, baby?" Brooke asks Delila, "I am happy."

"You miss Daddy, Mama," her child responds, like it's a natural occurrence. "It's okay, though. I miss him, too."

Brooke looks perplexed, "Why do you think I miss daddy?"

"He's not here," she shrugs. "You read his book to us."

Brooke looks around at the flour mess and sighs. She does miss Lucas. Very much.

_Well I had my ways, they were all in vain,  
But she waited patiently._

"_Mama!" Dee is screaming out from her playroom in the back of the shop._

_Brooke is trying to ignore it, Milli is trying not to flinch every time she screams, and Haley is looking back and forth between the closed door and her tired best friend._

"_Maybe you should call Lucas," she suggests. "She's probably just not used to sleeping here again, yet."_

"_And if I call Lucas and he comes and swoops in here to bring her to her comfort zone, he'll, number one, be in my house- which is the last place I need him right now. Number two, she'll never get used to being here again. And number three, and most important, he'll miss his flight to New York- which is where he needs to be to make his dreams come true." Brooke closes her eyes and counts to ten, trying to will herself not to cry and make herself believe that she can do this for however long she has to without Delila's dad._

_Haley narrows her eyes, "I'm pretty sure all of Lucas's dreams are right here in this store."_

_She shakes her head at the mother of her daughter's soon-to-be- cousin and sighs, "You know that's not true. He loves us Hales. That's not enough."_

"_Don't you miss him, Brooke?"_

_The question breaks her heart. Does she miss him? Always. Every day. Every second. Every hour. She knows now that Lucas might have been telling the truth after the reception all those years ago. He may very well have missed her and still not have been able to call. Because she does it all the time._

_She does it with him right in front of her. When all that she'd have to do is reach out and say that she loves him-- that she misses him, and still, she can't. She can't bring herself to that conclusion._

_She can't bring him to it._

_Her daughter's well-being is too important and she will not risk the happy, safe calm that they've created because her heart thinks it needs more._

"Haley," she implores her best friend in the world. "Please don't tell him about this. It'll get better."

"I won't," she agrees. "I promise."

**-x-l-x-b-x-**

_It was all the same, all my pride and shame,  
And she put me on my feet._

"_Hey Hales," Lucas whispers into the phone because it's so late and he's sure he just woke her up. "I just wanted to let you know that I made it. Can you tell Brooke for me?"_

_She sleepily groans into the phone and mutters out an affirmative and then asks how his flight was. Before he can answer, though, he hears his brother's voice on the line. "Hey Luke, it's me. I just walked in and she's sound asleep on the couch. What did you need?"_

_He chuckles a little and then shakes his head, "Did you do that full commute again tonight, Nate? You're gonna wear yourself out before the baby gets here and then you'll be of no help to Haley after he gets here."_

"_What should I do, Lucas?" He can hear the anger that is packed behind his brother's question. "Should I walk out on my wife and child to follow my dreams? Oh no, wait. That's your deal. I think two Scott men not being there for the loves of their lives is enough."_

"_That's not fair, Nathan, and you know it." He hears his best friend shriek out. She must not have been __**that**__ sound asleep. "You apologize to your brother this instant."_

_She sounds like she's talking to a child and Lucas knows that if he were there, he'd see a mirrored look of pride on both his and his brother's faces. She's going to be such a good mom. "Don't apologize," he tells his brother, "I know you're right. You're right."_

_He's defeated and he did just leave Brooke and his baby to chase whatever. What Nathan failed to acknowledge was that he really didn't have a choice in the matter._

_Haley's voice is soothing on the other end, "Lucas, that's only a half truth and we all know it. We know you're trying to be there for Brooke. Speaking of, I talked to her today and I think you should call tomorrow and just check in with her."_

_His heart lurches, "Is everything okay?"_

"_Everything's fine," she reassures him. "I'm not really at liberty to discuss the details of my talks with Brooke. I just think you should call her, Luke."_

"_Haley," he warns. "Just tell me what's wrong."_

"_God," she sounds pissed at him. "Never mind. Forget I ever said anything to you in the first place. Be stubborn. Be pigheaded. I. Don't. Care."_

_When his hearing goes back to normal, it's his brother on the other end of the line again trying to rationalize Haley's outburst. "She's just tired and hormones- you know?"_

_He knows. "Why would she even bring it up if she wasn't going to tell me what's wrong?"_

"_I don't know, Luke." Both men are exhausted and defeated. Both for different reasons. Lucas- because he's too far away from the only people that matter to him. Nathan- because he refuses to be so he settles for three hours of sleep a night, while commuting back and forth to Duke, gearing up for his full spring course load, fulfilling all of his basketball responsibilities and all of his home duties because Haley wants to be in Tree Hill and is doing her student teaching curriculum so she can be. "I try not to push her where her Brooke secrets are concerned. They're really close, ya know?_

"_Yeah," Lucas concedes because he doesn't have the strength to fight it anymore. "Can you just make sure Brooke knows I got here? And that I'll call them soon?"_

"_Sure, big brother."_

_They call her love, love, love, love, love.  
She is love, and she is all I need._

"So, big bro, how'd it go?"

Lucas looks at his little brother with a mixture of sadness and relief. If it was Haley here, he'd be fighting her to hear more about Brooke but he'd also have to give her every detail of what happened with Peyton. He's not sure he's going to tell anyone but Brooke that. He's not sure anyone else should know.

"It went," he pushes out gruffly. "It's done. Over."

"And how do you feel about that?" It's said in a partially teasing manner but Lucas can definitely catch the tone in Nathan's voice that says he really wants to know. He's worried.

"I feel like I should have probably done it about a year ago or never put myself in the situation in first place." He tells him, "I feel like I've made things worse for everyone, including my daughter, involved. And now I am willing to fix it and that's driving me. That's how I feel."

He takes a deep breath and when Nathan says nothing he continues, "And I wish I knew if Brooke felt the same. I wish I knew if she's ready to forgive me all of my sins. I wish she'd be ready because my heart, it can't take this fighting with her. It needs her."

Nathan does a double take as they turn onto the road leading to the complex Brooke lives in, "You mean you did this without knowing how she feels?"

"I had to," he tells him. "She's probably never going to forgive me or love me anyway and I can't keep living this way."

"She loves you, Luke." Nathan says it with such conviction that Lucas almost believes it. "Trust that."

"How do you know?" He asks the question because he really doesn't have blind trust in him anymore.

Nathan smiles a real, honest to goodness Nathan smile. And then he turns into the complex and rolls the window down for security to check them. Lucas waves at the guard on duty; he's new and he can't quite remember his name. But that doesn't matter because the guard knows him. "Hello, Mr. Scott. I'm sure Ms. Davis and that little girl of yours are waiting on you. I'll buzz you right in."

"Thanks, sir." He gives a big grin to the guard and feels warm inside. His girls are waiting for him.

"Wait a sec, Nate," he says, suddenly. "I didn't ask you to take me here. What are we doing here?"

"Haley's here," he answers, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "We're going to bring Jamie and Dee to our house and you and Brooke are going to have a talk. A long anticipated, highly needed talk. And then you'll have sex, breaking the sexual tension that we could all cut through with a knife. And everything will be fine."

"Nate," he takes on the warning tone again. "Everything will not be fine! Does Brooke know this plan?"

"Not yet." He's so confident and Lucas wants to hit him. "But she will. You'll tell her."

"She's gonna think I asked for this." He's frantic, "she's gonna hate me."

"No," his brother takes him by the shoulders and looks right into his eyes. "She's not. She loves you."

Lucas looks up to the house that his daughter and the only woman he's ever truly loved lives and takes a deep breath in and holds it. He can see Haley, laden down with bags walking out towards the car that he's in. It's like an out of body experience as he watches Nathan jump out and relieve her of every bag she's holding. He sees Jamie's overnight bag, Delila's pink duffle, a hemp tote full of toys, and a bag full of what looks like tomatoes. He deduces that Brooke knows that Nathan and Haley are taking their daughter for the night. He looks at the door and sees her smiling down at the kids, kissing them bye.

She doesn't look mad. That helps him find the courage to open the door and get out of the car. His best friend walks over to him, smiles and pulls him into a big hug. "Tread lightly," she tells him. "But don't be scared."

He looks over at Nathan buckling Jamie into his car seat and his brother winks at him. Jamie's waving erratically and yelling his name. He walks over and gives him a high five and tells him to be good.

Then his own daughter attacks him, screaming daddy. He smiles at that sound, one of the sweetest in the world and picks her up and holds her close. This is what he needs. His family. It's all he needs.

"I've missed you, baby girl," he tells her. "I hate being away from you."

She smiles at him, "Daddy." A little giggle escapes from her and she looks away. "I missed you, too. But Aunt Haley wants to give mama alone time 'cause we made a mess so I can't stay with you."

"It's okay, princess," he tells her. "I'll go in and clean it up. I'll talk to your mama and you and me," he points between them dropping his head so that their foreheads are touching, "we'll see each other very, very soon."

Her smile is so bright at that promise that she looks like she just might burst, "Thank you, Daddy. Oh and remember, mama missed you, too, so be nice."

"How do you know if she missed me? Did she tell you?"

She shakes her head, "No, silly. She read your story and she looked sad."

He nods, as if he could ever understand the inner workings of her mind and sits her in her seat and helps her with her buckle. He kisses her forehead and smiles, "Love you, princess."

"Love you, too, Daddy," smiles as he shuts the door and watches the car pull away.

He takes a deep breath after it disappears and then turns toward the door where Brooke is still standing, watching the same scene as him. He squints at her and she smiles.

Their eyes lock. And he's frozen in place.

Maybe she could love him again.

Just maybe.

_And when that world slows down, dear.  
And when those stars burn out, here.  
Oh she'll be here, yes she'll be here._

_She is love, and she is all I need.

* * *

_

**Hope you all enjoyed! Thanks for reading. Please review and let me know how ya'll feel. Maybe it'll help me stay inspired. I don't even need to know how you feel about the writing (although, it'd be nice.), I'd just like to know you're still here. Good or bad. :) **

**-Corey**


	11. Always

**So this has been a long time coming. Over two months. I don't think it's ever taken me this long to update, so this AN is going to be short. And as sweet as possible.**

**I've had a lot going on in RL, add that to the lack of inspiration because most of my favorite BLers have stopped writing, I have nowhere to go and talk about them, and they aren't on my screen ever anymore and there's no chance of it ever happening again, and you have the reasons why I haven't updated. But those are reasons, not excuses and I never abandon that which I've already started. And I will finish this. I hope I can find it in me to update more frequently now that I've rediscovered my love for this story.**

**I'm pretty sure this is the moment that most of you have been waiting for since the beginning. I know I've been waiting for it. I hope there are people still reading!!**

**Just in case you forgot, I don't own the characters, an evil man does. And the title belongs to Bon Jovi. **

**

* * *

**

_This romeo is bleeding,  
But you can't see his blood.  
It's nothing but some feelings,  
That this old dog kicked up._

"So…" It's the only word he's been able to get out since he walked into her townhouse about ten minutes ago.

They haven't made it past the foyer. Their eyes have not left each other. Not while Lucas was walking up the walkway. Not when Brooke shut the door once he was in the house. It's as if they're both paralyzed.

Finally, Brooke breaks the spell. She looks down and giggles, "I know I'm a mess; I didn't know you were coming home so soon."

Lucas smiles at her without breaking his broody exterior, "You could never be a mess. You're beautiful."

It's so simple and yet, she'd never be able to describe what those words do to her. She lifts her head to his gorgeous blue eyes, the same as her baby girl's, again and laughs. "Yeah, well, Dee and Jamie wanted to make a giant Dora cookie. The white all over me is the product."

She gestures up and down the length of her body and he follows her hands with his eyes. He loses any sign of brooding and laughs with her. She's covered in flour. "And if you think that's funny, wait til you see my kitchen."

He follows her through the house, into the kitchen, to see the damage before choking out between laughs, "So that's what she meant. What were they making a cookie for?"

She abruptly stops laughing. _For me._ How does she tell him that she projected her sadness into their child? Taking a deep breath, which turns into a sigh, she looks down again. "She thought I needed to be cheered up."

He reaches out and lifts her head with a finger on her chin, "Why would she think that?"

His brooding has just gone into full-on mode; she can tell by the way he's squinting at her. It's like he's trying to search her memories for something that'd make her unhappy enough for their daughter to register it. "Did I do something that you're not saying?"

"No." She smiles at him, trying to be reassuring. Of course, he think it was his fault. "You didn't do anything wrong at all."

"What is it then, Brooke? You can talk to me." He's taking great pains to make sure she knows he's trustworthy. "I'm not going anywhere. Trust me."

That's always been easier said than done and she's having a hard time letting the old habit die.

**-x-b-x-l-x-**

_It's been raining since you left me.  
Now I'm drowning in the flood.  
You see I've always been a fighter-  
But without you I give up._

He just wants her to believe in him. To believe in what they could be if she would give him a chance to show her. "She said you missed me. Is that why?"

Her beautiful hazel eyes close and she shakes her head. He's not sure if she's denying it or trying to just shake off the whole notion. "I'm sorry, Luke."

With the apology that he doesn't quite understand, comes tears that he can't quite handle.

It takes him less than three long strides to get to her and wrap his arms around her shaking body. "Hey," he whispers. "There's nothing for you to be sorry for. Shh"

He rocks her, doing his best to be soothing to her, until she's calm and her tears dry. Then he takes a small step back and asks her what she's crying for.

It's like a dam has been broken when she starts talking. It's impossible to stop her self-accusations so he lets her just talk herself through it.

"I'm crying because I've been so horrible. So horrible. You wanted to be with us. I denied you that and then privately, and sometimes publicly, blamed you when you looked like you were trying to move on from that. I didn't trust you, even though you've done everything in your power to show me that you'd never hurt us. The crazy thing is, I still don't know if I trust you. It's been almost half a decade, Lucas, half a decade- and I don't know if I can forgive you for something that wasn't really your fault to begin with. I don't know if I can trust you when you've never lied to me in all of that time. What's wrong with me? And then you leave to break her heart- something I know you didn't want to do- and I still don't know if it's what I want. If I want _us_."

She pauses and looks up at him and she's so broken that he can't breathe. Did he do this to her? How can he fix it? Is it fixable?

Before he can answer any of his own questions, she's talking again. "But I do. And then I don't. And I just can't decide. What if she gets hurt? What if Dee gets hurt? But am I hurting her more if I don't try, at least? And what about you? You just broke it off with Peyton. She was all you ever wanted and you're so willing to give that up to be with us. I don't understand. You guys were supposed to be together. I don't think I question whether or not you love me anymore. You love me. I know you do. I don't even think it's because I'm Dee's mom anymore. I really think you love me. But you love her, too, don't you? Why me, why not her? Why am I who you want to spend forever with? Do you want to spend forever with me? Is that where this is going to go? Why is everyone so sure that it's me, but me? Why don't I know? Why am I not sure? And why is it affecting me so much that I let Delila see it? I've never let her see it before. She never asked me why I was sad when you were gone for all of those months with your book. Not once. I must've hidden it better then. Why can't I hide it anymore. I don't want her affected because I made bad choices. I don't want her affected, Luke."

It's almost as if she's worn herself out completely because she goes back to crying.

He doesn't try to comfort her this time; he's too busy trying to figure out how to make her understand. He takes a deep breath in and then out, and asks, "Would you like answers? Do you want to talk about this really? Or did you just need to say that and nothing I say matters anyway?"

She drops into a chair and nods. "Go ahead. Say what you need to say."

He looks around the kitchen, which looks like a winter wonderland and tries to figure out where to begin. Walking over to the sink, he picks up a rag and runs the water into the bucket that she'd taken out to start the cleaning. He dunks the rag into the soapy water and wrings it out then turns toward Brooke and starts wiping up the mess.

"I guess I should start with the hardest question to answer honestly for you. Do I love Peyton? Yeah. I do. I think you're right. I think you've always been right, in a sense, when it came to that. Because there was a time, right after my whole world came tumbling down, when I really tried to shut out any feelings I had for her. Right after she put the most important relationship in my life in jeopardy. The relationship I have with you. She kissed me and I wanted to block it out. I wanted to go on pretending that there really wasn't love there. But you're right. She was right. At least, you both were partially right. I loved her. I _love_ her. But the love I have for her, Brooke, it never even touched the love I have for you. They are separate and completely different. I've always loved her but I'm always going to be in love with you. I love what I wanted her to be. I love what I dreamed her to be. Not really who she is. And she's so different than that- now even more so than ever. But _you_. I am so irrevocably and deeply in love with who you are. With who you've been. No one else ever even stood a chance. It was always going to be you. I don't care who I'm supposedly _supposed _to be with. Not in your mind- not in anyone's mind. Because right here--" He stops wiping down the cabinets for a minute to touch his finger to his temple, "I'm supposed to be with you. I'm _meant _to be with you. And people who are meant to be together always find their way. Remember? So to recap that first question, do I love her? Yes, I do. But I love you more. Not because you gave me my beautiful child but because you touch me in way that no one else ever has. Because you get me. That's why."

He pauses and turns back to the bucket to rinse out the rag again then gets right back to scrubbing the flour up from all around the kitchen. They're both silent as he works figuring out what else to say. After a couple of minutes, he goes on, "You haven't been horrible. I mean, yeah, there have been times when I felt like you weren't being fair to me. But I understand that you make every decision that you make with Delila in mind. I just think that maybe you don't understand that I do the same and that I really never would hurt her. Or you. Not intentionally. And now I know for sure that you don't trust me still. I need to ask, B. Are you ever gonna trust me? Do you think you can grow into it? Do you think you've ever trusted me? Because I don't think you have. I don't think you ever really forgave a mistake I made at sixteen. And I don't know if you ever will. It's been closer to a decade since that happened and still, we stand here, not together when we should clearly be together. Do you think that I would ever do something that I thought would negatively affect our baby, Brooke? Because I wouldn't. I think we could make this work. More than that, I think we could be good at it. I think we can have a big family and we could be happy. And we could spend forever together. Because yes, B. That's what this is. That's where this is going."

Getting the last of the flour from the floor, he walks back to the sink and dumps the floury water down her kitchen drain.

**-x-b-x-l-x-**

_Now I can't sing a love song-  
Like the way it's meant to be.  
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore.  
But baby, that's just me._

She's left reeling from everything he just said as he stalks out of her now-clean kitchen. He just laid every single card out on the table and cleaned her entire kitchen mess to boot. She figures it's good that he's leaving. She has a lot to think about. But maybe she should just say goodbye to him.

As she gets up from her seat to go after him, he comes back into the kitchen and tells her to sit back down. She doesn't even question it, she just does it.

He walks toward her and takes a seat opposite her at the dining room table. Then he releases his hands in front of him and a small, black velvet box is revealed. He doesn't take his eyes off of hers. Somehow the lid is lifted and she tears her eyes from his to force herself to look down at whatever is inside of the box. "Is that..?"

She can't finish the question so he does for her. "My mom's. Keith gave it to her before he died. She wanted you to have it. I carry it around with me just in case I ever get the guts to give it to you."

"So it's a gift from your mom?" She's trying to understand what it means.

He shakes his head. "Not really. I mean, she said that you should have it. But she said that I could give it to whomever I chose to spend forever with."

The tension is so thick in the air between them that she could cut it with a knife. "Lucas, I.." she's speechless. She what? She loves him, yes. But she just said she can't trust him, that she never has. And he brings out his mother's engagement ring?

"You don't trust me." He says it as though it's easy but the look on his face betrays him. She knows it hurts him deep into his soul. Then he shakes his head, "But more important than that to me, is that you don't think that we're made for each other and I can think of nothing else. I can gain your trust. Maybe it's my fault. You know, if I had come home and said I saw Peyton, she said hi. And that was that, you'd trust me. We'd be together."

"Lucas-"she holds her hand up to stop him. "You don't know that. You can't know that. I could have gone to you that day because I missed you so much and then at the end of the day, came to the same conclusion anyway. We shouldn't be together because we have someone who's more important than our needs. She can't be hurt by what we want."

"Theodore Hesburgh once said something that I think is really important to this conversation." He takes a deep breath and then grabs her hand. "The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."

Is he outright saying that the reason he loves her is because she is the mother of his child? And can she marry him based solely on that notion? It's so misguided. There's so much more to it than that. He needs to love her for more than that. Didn't he already say that his love for her isn't about Dee at all? So what does this mean then?

**-x-b-x-l-x-**

_And I will love you, baby – Always.  
I'll be there till the stars don't shine-  
Till the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme._

His eyes search hers for the tell-tale signs that she's assuming his love for her is all about the little girl that they both love. That everything he said in the last hour has meant nothing.

She starts to talk and he decides that he doesn't want to know. If it meant nothing, he wants to talk until it does. So he interrupts her, "He was a priest and president of the University of Notre Dame. It's paraphrased from the Old Testament. What it actually says is something along the lines of 'a parent's first responsibility is not to the child but to the other parent. If you take care of the needs of the parent, it will in turn nourish the needs of that child.' Brooke, I know you think I'm going backwards and trying to say that I love you because of Delila now or something. And I'm sure you can twist it into that. But that's not what I'm saying here. It's not even close."

"So what are you saying then, Lucas?" she questions, finally finding a voice he thought she forgot about.

"I'm saying that I love you." His gets up from where he's seated and walks around and gets on both of his knees in front of her.

If he has to beg, he will.

**-x-b-x-l-x-**

_And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind.  
And I'll love you – Always._

"I'm saying that you will not hide behind the child we share because it's pointless. Because she'd benefit from us showing the world how much we love each other. If this touches her, it'll be positive." She can see his eyes shining as he tries not to cry while he's clearly begging her to hear him. "So choose something else to focus on. She wants us together. I want us together. You know you want us together too. Just let go of all of the worries for a minute, pretty. Just let go and hear me."

Her breath is taken away by the easy way he calls her that. The effortless plea to hear him. She thought he'd be asking for her trust but he's not. "I'm listening."

It's all she can push out without jumping into his arms and taking back every negative thought that she put out there earlier. She really shouldn't just jump into his arms. Not if he has more to say.

He puts his hands in her lap, holding both of her hands there with them, and drops his head to them to kiss her knuckles. "You trust me. I don't need to ask you to. You do. You trust me so much that it scares you into thinking that you don't trust me at all."

As he speaks, he peppers her hands and wrists with sweet kisses, never lingering on one spot for too long.

"You can't know that." She barely breathes it out but she has to contradict what he's saying to her through the crowded mind he's creating.

He stops the kissing and she misses it immediately, even if he hands are still working. His thumbs running over her palm, massaging it, leaving her wanting more of it. More of him. He directs his lips to smile up at her. "Okay. I think you're wrong so I respectfully disagree, baby. I think I can know that."

"How?" She wants to know why he thinks she trusts him when she doesn't think she does.

He looks around the room, "The house is on fire. Who do you call?"

She grins. Does he really think she'd call him? "The fire department."

"Why?"

"Because they have the tools to stop the house from burning down completely."

"Exactly." He doesn't seem knocked down by the answer. "You _trust_ them to stop the fire. Now, if Dee is sick, what is the first call you make? If you need help, who do you ask first?"

She sucks a breath in and holds it. That doesn't mean anything. "It depends on how sick she is and what I need help with."

"Brooke..." he groans and sounds close to giving up but he doesn't. "Come on. Answer it. Because my answers, they'd be you. You wanna know why?"

She nods but doesn't say anything for fear of what will come out of her mouth. She already knows. She just wants to hear it.

He nods, too. "There are a lot of important people in my life. But Dee. She's the most precious gift I've ever received. You gave her to me. And you are the only person that I _trust_ implicitly with her life, her health. So that's why you to the first one. And the second one," he pauses almost as if he doesn't have the words to explain it. "God, Brooke. Because. Because if something bad happens, I feel like I need you there to help me. I feel like you're the only one I'd _trust_ to help me. And if something good happens, I want to share it with you. You're the only one I _trust_ to be there. That's not because I don't trust other people because I do. But it doesn't begin to touch the absolute trust that I put in you. And then there's the fact that you're just always the first thought I have. In the morning, at breakfast, after lunch, while I'm writing, at the store, before bed, talking to Dee—it just doesn't matter. It's always about you in some way. I know you trust me that same way. I know you think about me that way. It's not possible for you not to. And I knew you'd deflect it, instead of answer. It doesn't change it. You'd call me. You trust me. With Dee. And with you. So much that it scares you and you hate being any kind of dependent. That's the real problem. You don't want to depend on me."

And all of a sudden, she knows he's right. Every time she feels herself falling back into him, she pulls away because she never wants to feel alone again. As long as she never feels like he'll be there, she doesn't have to feel the pain of him leaving. But she knows that in her heart, she already depends on him to be there whenever she calls. Whenever she needs him. And he's never let her down. So she trusts him. She does.

**-x-b-x-l-x-**

_Now your pictures that you left behind,  
Are just memories of a different life.  
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry-  
One that made you have to say goodbye._

Because she doesn't look like she's going to respond to the verbal beating he just laid on her, he continues. "But you do, Brooke. You depend on me. You trust me. And it's okay because I do the same things with you. We want all of the same things. We feel all of the same things. And we're already a family. Why is it too much for me to ask you to _**be**_ a family with me?"

Her voice is quiet and he barely hears it at first, "You're right."

Two words that he wanted to hear now sound like a warning. Maybe he should shut up. What if she cuts him out instead of opening up?

"I am." It comes out stronger than he feels but at least it wasn't a question.

She nods and slowly, a smile starts to form on her face. "I think you should take care of Delila's mom's needs."

That confuses him so much that he drops her hands altogether. Is she trying to scare him?

Her smile falls, "Don't stop holding my hands. Kiss me again?"

_What? _She wants him to kiss her? "Tell me you trust me."

"I trust you." Her hands reach for his face and she starts to trace his jaw line with her index finger. "I'm insecure. I still sometimes think you're going to leave without telling me where you're going. I never feel like I'm enough for you. But I trust that you won't ever let Dee down. I trust that more than I trust myself. I know how you are with her."

Her finger leaves his jaw and finds his lips, which makes his mouth immediately go dry. Is she trying to make it hard to breathe? Is she trying to shut him up?

Or is she seducing him?

"But do you trust me with you?" He barely chokes out the question.

She nods, "You haven't let me down in a very, very long time. I know you won't ever hurt me."

"I won't."

He's aware that it's more of a grunt than it is words. The effect her fingers are having on him is twice as strong as the effect of him kissing her hands. She's in control of it now.

Her smile now is wicked. "Having trouble talking, Luke?"

His mind is lost as her hands leave his face altogether and start to trail down his neck. "If I said I was in pain right now, would you do what you could to fix it? I mean to prove that you don't want me hurting, of course."

"Anything."

"Kiss me, please."

Without thinking, he reacts. Getting up from his kneeling position on the floor, he brings his lips to hers and loses himself even more in the kiss. When she sighs into it, he takes the invitation to explore her mouth with his tongue.

It's so comfortable, like they just did this yesterday not like it's been three years. But there's also this sense of urgency within him, which he knows comes from the amount of time it's been since he's kissed her like this. Since he's touched her. Is he going to be able to touch her?

Is he going to go crazy when he finally does?

So he decides to take control before losing it completely. His hands cup her face and he gently tugs her into a standing position. Guiding her to the counter, he pushes her up against it until she's trapped between it and him. She sighs as he continues to kiss her and he wonders if she even felt herself being pulled, if she even knows she's standing.

He takes that as his opening. He pulls away, enough so that he can speak but his lips are a whisper length away from hers. "Tell me you love me."

He needs to hear it. He won't go on without it.

"I love you." She's breathing harder and he can tell that she's doing what she has to so he'll go back to what he was doing.

His hand slips under her shirt and starts rubbing circles along the small of her back. "Tell me that you'll never take it back."

She closes her eyes and lets out a small moan.

**-x-b-x-l-x-**

_What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair,  
To touch your lips, to hold you near.  
When you say your prayers try to understand;  
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man._

She knows that he wants to be sure she can't do the same thing she did last time. He doesn't trust her with everything or he'd let it go and just kiss her.

When did he take control of this anyway?

So she lifts an arm to the nape of his neck, an act that takes serious strength since she feels like it weighs about four hundred pounds. What did he do to her? Her hand pulls him in and she catches her lips with his again in response.

He doesn't fight it at first, going right back to kissing her senseless and running his hands up and down her sides underneath the oversized messy tee shirt that she slept in last night.

Oh God, she hasn't even gotten a shower today. Is he going to notice?

But then as she comes to her senses, he pulls back again. And she's left cold and wanting him more again. "Tell me, Brooke. I can't do this if you don't promise that you're sure this time."

She opens her eyes and looks into his pleading blue orbs. He's really going to deny himself something she can feel he clearly wants if she doesn't say what he wants. And mean it.

He starts to back up further, "I want you but I need us more. I'll wait however long it takes you to get on the same page as me."

She's not being held up anymore. He's not touching her at all and her knees are like jelly. She can feel herself wavering. Should she say it? Taking it back if she says it will break something between them that she knows she doesn't want broken. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and then walks forward, two steps into the unknown.

"I love you. I need you. I trust you. I won't take it back. I won't let you down." She kisses him, just a small peck. "I'm here. We're on the same page. I want you, too."

She can tell that whatever was restraining him has been broken as he takes her back into his arms and kisses her again. Deeper. Harder.

Her arms go around his neck and she melts into him.

God, she needed this.

**-x-b-x-l-x-**

_If you told me to cry for you - I could.  
If you told me to die for you- I would.  
Take a look at my face ,  
There's no price I won't pay.  
To say these words to you-_

He reaches down, wraps his arms around her waist, and lifts her up- squeezing her legs around his waist, he can feel her holding on. He pushes her up against the wall, not knowing if he's going to be able to get her up the steps without killing himself.

He pulls back just a little bit to try and clear his head to find somewhere that doesn't have windows that people can see through.

He can feel her un-gripping her legs and his hands go to them to stop her. But she's quicker and she creates more distance, walking away from him.

She can't be backing out right now. But then she turns, smiles sinfully at him, and gestures for him to follow. He follows her into the hall but she's already on the steps. The only thing that he sees is her shirt on the floor. He hears her giggle from the steps so he hurries to take off his shirt and follow her. As he's making his way up the steps, he loses his pants since her leggings are sitting in the middle of the staircase.

Taking a deep breath, he smiles when he steps through the doorway and finds her in the bathroom. The shower is already running, steam is seeping into the small room and clouding the mirror that she's standing in front of. In just a pair of barely-there thongs.

Instead of thinking about how this should be different, more gentle, he leaps at her. Crushing her in another kiss, he lifts her up, sitting her on the vanity, next to the sink, and she opens her legs so he can step in between them.

He feels her arms wrap around him and his lips leave her lips and start working on her neck. Kissing from her jaw to her collarbone.

She lets out a little squeal, "I need a shower." It's breathy, raspy and he can't deny her as she pushes his boxers down and lets them drop to his ankles.

He picks her up by her bottom and works with the small piece of fabric she calls underwear before finally just ripping them off, instead of un-wrapping her legs from his waist. "Okay, then," he whispers, opening the shower doors, "let's get you wet."

He shuts the doors behind them and pushes her into the spray of hot shower water, smiles as she closes her eyes, makes the most contenting sound, and lets the water hit every inch of her face. He leans in and kisses her again as her legs release and she stands up on her own.

"Are you gonna show me you love me or what?" she asks him, when his hands find her breasts, which he's decided he ignored for far too long.

Yeah, he plans to show her. In every possible way that he can.

**-x-b-x-l-x-**

_But baby if you give me just one more try.  
We can pack up our old dreams-  
And our old lives.  
We'll find a place where the sun still shines._

He kisses her again and she forgets that she just spoke. Or what she even wanted.

_She wants him_.

His hands roam all over and his lips follow them. And she may have water running down her body but she feels like nothing could put out the fire that she's experiencing. On every part of her body.

When his lips come up from kissing her belly button, right above a faded stretch mark, he asks slowly, punctuating every word, "How exactly do you want me to show you?"

And before she can answer, she hears a moan coming from her throat, as he answers for her by taking a hold of her back and thrusting forward. She closes her eyes and relishes the feeling of him there as he stills for a minute while her body adjusts to the invasion. It's been so long and she never thought she'd be able to be this way with him again. It feels so completing. She feels whole. Right here, right now.

That's all she needs so she starts moving and he groans a little bit but moves with her. His lips still touching her neck, her earlobes, her collarbone and she just hold onto him for dear life. Her release is building; she can feel her grip getting tighter as she lets out a throaty scream and takes him over the edge with her.

She feels her head drop to his shoulder but she doesn't even feel like she's in her body anymore. It's like she's floating.

"Like that?" he asks and it's so light and flirty that she can cry.

Just like that. She wants to say it but she can't. So she takes a deep breath and goes a step further. Lifting her head to kiss the spot where it was laying, she leans toward his ear and whispers in a scratchy voice, "That was perfect."

Because it _was_.

They just fit. They always have and she's not blocking it anymore.

_And I will love you, baby – Always.  
And I'll be there forever and a day – Always.  
I'll be there till the stars don't shine-  
Till the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme.  
And I'll love you – Always._

_

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**There it is. I hope you all enjoyed. Please review; they mean everything to me and help me to write updates. But you'll have to sign in to review because I had a little incident with an anonymous reviewer and had to disable them. **

**-Cor**


	12. Jump then Fall

**Hey guys! Twice in one week. Am I forgiven? Honestly, I'm posting this because you probably won't get another update for awhile. I have to focus on a different project. (Blame Tanya :P –jk- love you, bb) But I'll do my best to maybe get you something soon. I know it's like 1,000 words shorter than last chapter. But it's more important.. at least, I think it is. At least I'm leaving you on a good note. I could end it here but I have a few more plans before the ending. Maybe two chapters? After I finish, I have a season seven fic (with Lucas though obvs.) planned that I'll get started on.**

**I hope you enjoy this. I wanted it to be perfect.**

**I still don't own the characters. I still say that with extreme sadness. And this title is a song from the brilliant BL-shipping Taylor Swift's #FearlessReRelease. :) **

**

* * *

**

_I like the way you sound in the morning,  
we're on the phone and without a warning,  
I realize your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard._

Before her eyes even open, Brooke feels the panic take over. What if he's not in bed next to her? Again. What if they can't make this work? Will she be able to handle going back to single parenthood, once she's had Lucas by her side? Will she be able to be alone again?

They should have talked more last night. She should have stopped him after the shower and thought it through. She can't just leap anymore. What made her think she could?

Oh, God. If she fights it, he's going to be mad at her.

"I can hear your thoughts," Lucas's tired voice cuts into her contemplation, breaking up her worrying.

Her eyes open and he's still beside her, still smiling at her. It's a sleepy, lazy smile but it's just as beautiful as last night.

He speaks again, "You know, you don't have to look so surprised, B. I said forever. You might want to get used to waking up to my face."

She smiles but can't form words. Is she scared or charmed? Maybe she should make up her mind before she speaks. "Do you think we should talk?"

It comes out unsure and she feels self-conscious about even saying it. If she wants to talk, they'll talk. It shouldn't matter what he thinks. She needs to figure out what this is. If it's good.

His bright blue eyes light up with amusement. "I can think of other things to do if you don't want to talk."

"I think we established that last night." Now she's laughing, "I think we should talk."

He nods, "Agreed. Where do you want to start?"

"We just stopped talking and I don't know."

She doesn't and she hates that she can't verbalize it.

He sighs, "You promised. You can't take it back, Brooke. I swear to you, I won't survive it."

Her heart can't take him leaving, either. What choice does she have? Not much of one. Give in and go along with who she was last night; and have her family and Lucas- which is all she's ever wanted. Or run and hide behind all of her fears- fears that he proves wrong all of the time- and lose the life she loves so much right now. Lose Lucas. She can't lose him. She won't. Not this time.

"I'm not taking it back, Luke," she assures him and herself. "I just… I need to define it."

"We love each other." He says it in such a matter-of-fact manner that it's unarguable. "It just is. Anything else, like when we tell everyone, when we tell Dee, when you put on that ring, when we get married, when we have more children- you can choose. You can set the pace. I'll go along with however fast or slow you want this to go. I just need to know that you want this to go somewhere."

Is he really going to let her decide or is he trying to Jedi-mind-trick her? And if he doesn't care enough to make decisions, then why would they be together? Why doesn't he care enough to try and argue the pace with her?

**-x-b-x-l-x-**

_Every time you smile, I smile-  
and every time you shine, I'll shine for you._

She sighs and he can't tell if she's happy or frustrated with his answer. "So you aren't going to make any decisions? It's all on me?"

Pissed, it is. "Do you want me to fight with you? To force you to do things before you're ready?"

"Why not?" she asks him. "You've done it before. You're wiggling your way out so you don't have to deal with it. You don't want to fight for me."

"What!?" He can't believe the accusation. "All that I have been doing, Brooke, is fighting for you. Don't you dare tell me that I don't care enough. If you want me to, I can go downstairs and get the ring so I can force it onto your finger and then hold you captive for the next couple of months while I plan your dream wedding and then force you down the aisle and make you say I do. I just don't think that amount of pressure would be good on you or me or our _child_. So I think it would be better if you chose some things."

"Lucas," she looks close to tears and he feels guilty for yelling. "I just want your input. I want us both to be happy because we have less of a chance of working if we're not both happy."

His eyes squeeze closed and he takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry. Brooke, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I just know this is hard for you and I don't want you to talk yourself out of it. You want to know what I want? I wanna be able to come over whenever I want and eventually, I wanna live with you girls- here or at my house. I wanna be able to kiss you in front of people and make my girls a meal on the spur of the moment. I wanna take Dee to the zoo and hold your hand while we watch her run around, looking at the different animals. Everything else is just semantics. If I can be with you, nothing else matters. I just want you and my family. That's all."

She nods, tears still in her eyes, and he's worried that he didn't say enough. "I can continue on but it's always going to have the same outcome. I just want us."

He just hopes it's her conclusion, too.

**-x-b-x-l-x-**

_I like the way I can't keep my focus,  
I watch you talk you didn't notice.  
I hear the words but all I can think is we should be together._

_And because we're both gonna get pneumonia but if you need to hear why I love you, I can go on all night._

Suddenly, she's not almost twenty-three with a child less than a year away from kindergarten. She's seventeen and every hope; every ounce of love in her is pinned on this boy. Any thoughts of the pain that occurs while living without him fly out the window. Any thoughts of living without him, at all, go by the wayside. It's impossible. She wouldn't breathe without him.

"I'm sorry," he's talking again. What he's apologizing for, she has no idea. "I don't know what to say. You're crying and I don't know what to do to fix it. I wanna fix it, B. I've been trying to fix it."

"Can you tell me that you want to fix it because you want me?" She pulls herself together, wiping her wet cheeks. She has to ask this question. Just one more time, she needs to hear him say that he'd love her, even if there was no shared child. "Would you take me if I didn't have Delila?"

She can see that he's having difficulty forming words. Her heart hurts, over the worry of what he can say to that question. Finally, he looks her straight in the eye, and chokes out an answer. "Brooke, I'm not going to lie to you. I can't imagine life without her. And if you had given her away or … worse, that might've changed my feelings for you. Maybe. But if she had never happened, I wouldn't have had a reason to keep you close. You'd have walked away and I wouldn't have had it in me to keep fighting. I gave up a few times, as it is. She came from love and we're so blessed to have her. But if she never happened, Brooke, I believe I'd still love you. I'd still want you and us. This. I don't know if we'd be here or not. I can't know. You were breaking up with me either way that night during senior year. You were always set on me being with Peyton. But with or without Dee, Peyton and I wouldn't be right for each other. And you and I will have always been my bright shining light. Together or not. So yeah, I want to fix it because I want you. Dee is just a plus. She's the brightest beacon in that light. Because she's a part of you. I know that's all convoluted but I hope you understand."

The funny thing is that she does understand him. Finally, she thinks she does. She has a firm grasp on reality. And that reality is that, that seventeen year old girl is still in there. So she nods and tells him, "I do. Luke, you have to understand me. I didn't think I could live without you. I still don't know that I could because I never have. And you're right, I depend on you. Even when you were away, I depended on your call every night for Dee. I needed to hear your voice. It got me through whatever happened during the day. I can't lose you. Not for me and not for Dee. Maybe it's selfish but I always just thought that if I could keep you close but not close enough to get hurt, that we'd never lose you. And if this doesn't work out and we lose you, where does that leave us? Where does that leave me?"

He smiles, that devastatingly undemanding, never ending patient smile, and reaches out to pull her closer to him. "You will never lose me, pretty." His lips touch her temple and he whispers, "You couldn't get rid of me if you put everything you had into it. I'm not going anywhere and I need you just as much."

He pulls away from her just enough so that he can look directly into her eyes and she feels paralyzed by the love she sees mirrored in his. "It's okay to need someone. And I know what your parents did to you. And I even get that Peyton and I didn't make anything any easier for you. But I'm not ever going to let you down like that again, Brooke. And if you let me, I won't let anyone else ever do that to you again. I'll be your most ferocious protector."

She laughs at that. "Ferocious?" she asks. "Well, why don't you be ferocious and get started on that meal you wanna make me? I'm starving."

**-x-b-x-l-x-**

_Whoa oh- I'm feeling you baby.  
Don't be afraid to jump then fall,  
jump then fall, into me._

He knows she just deflected that whole statement with a joke but he also knows that she heard him. He can see it in her eyes. The change. She trusts him- for right now, at least. And if he has to talk her into trusting him again tonight or tomorrow morning or in a week or in a month or in a year, he'll do it gladly. He'll do it every day for the rest of his life. As long as she'll listen and let him.

"You're hungry?" he asks, deviously. "Maybe. But I'm sure you don't want actual food."

She catches on immediately. A small, delectable smile creeps up to her eyes, "Oh really? And what is it that you think I want?"

He takes that as enough of an invitation to leap. In less than a minute, he has the old tee shirt that she threw on last night off and his lips are sucking on her collarbone. Her hands are running through his hair, massaging his scalp and just as he's about to turn his attention to his favorite part of her body, he hears a shriek that is not Brooke's.

His eyes close, he freezes, and he doesn't look up to see his best friend in the doorway. But he prays that she left his daughter downstairs or even preferably in the car. Then he hears her voice.

"Daddy?" She sounds like she's not sure of what's happening. And he thanks God that Brooke takes over.

"Lucas," she whispers. "you have to move." And then out loud, to their daughter, "Hey baby, did you have fun at your Aunt Haley's house? How about you wait downstairs and mama and daddy will be down for breakfast?"

He's looking now and if this was anyone else, this would be comical. Haley is severely surprised. She has nothing to say. Brooke is trying her best to act like this is normal and Delila is confused.

Finally, Haley speaks, "Oh my God. I didn't really think I'd find you here. Like this."

And she's laughing. Brooke starts laughing with her and Lucas joins his child in the confused ranks. "You're both laughing. Really? What's so funny about _this_?"

He gestures between him and Brooke and the general vicinity of the doorway where Haley and Dee are standing. But that just makes both of them laugh harder and Delila, in the moment, decides to run over to him.

"Daddy," she looks up at him, curiously. "You were kissing Mama."

He tries to shut out the girls' uproarious laughter and focus on his daughter. She continues, "Like Aunt Haley and Uncle Nathan do."

He can see the wonder in her eyes and he starts trying to think of excuses, reasons, ways to explain it to her. Without telling her things that he never wants her to know.

"Sweetie," he hears Brooke's voice coming over his shoulder. "Sometimes when people love each other, they kiss."

He looks at her in amazement; she just told Delila and Haley that they love each other. She just told their daughter. That means it's real. Haley catches his eye and waves before disappearing into the hallway.

Delila nods, as if she already knows this. "They sleep together, too. And live together." He can see in her eyes that she's trying to put all of these things together in her little mind. "Does that mean that my daddy can come live with us now? And he won't kiss Peyton anymore because he doesn't love her and he loves you now?"

He can physically feel Brooke's struggle with those questions so he tries to save her from answering them by distracting Dee. "Hey, Curious George, how about you and I go down and make Mama breakfast? I'll race ya to the kitchen."

She looks at him as if she's trying to decide if she wants to take that race but then, like a flash she's off, running and yelling behind her, "Okay, if I win, I get a prize."

Brooke sighs out from behind him but when he looks back at her as he's pulling a pair of sweats on, she's smiling. "You're going to owe her."

He laughs, "I'll survive."

She laughs, too and then reaches up and pulls him into a kiss. It's short but sweeter than he'd hoped for. "And I owe you," she tells him. "Thank you."

"No problem, pretty." He's so happy that she's still in a good mood. They can finish this conversation another time. "Now hurry up and get decent. Let's have a family breakfast."

He winks at her and then jogs down to the kitchen. Nothing's gonna stop him from smiling today.

**-x-b-x-l-x-**

_Baby, I'm never gonna leave you.  
Say that you wanna be with me, too.  
'Cause I'm gonna stay through it all-  
so jump then fall._

She smiles as she reaches down to the floor where Lucas just threw her shirt less than a half an hour ago and puts it on. Oh, how she would have liked Haley to come just an hour later. They may have still been interrupted but at least she'd have been able to live in her Lucas-only bubble for a little while longer.

But Haley looked happy. And so did Dee, even if she looked really confused by everything. She didn't seem upset by Lucas there. That's a good thing. It's a great thing. Because Lucas is going to be here a lot more. Of that, she's sure.

And chances are, this isn't the last time she's going to find her parents in bed together. Not if Brooke can help it. As long as she can reign in her trust issues, they might really be able to do this. Be together.

She picks her cell phone up and dials Haley, who picks up on the first ring.

"I'm sorry," is her sheepish greeting.

She laughs, "Don't worry about it, Hales. We'll have plenty of time to finish up later."

"Too much information, Brooke," she scolds her, but Brooke can hear her laughing. "I'm so happy you guys worked things out."

"Yeah, me too." She really is. "Hey, do you think Delila is taking this well?"

Her friend rushes to assure her. "Listen, all Dee talked about was getting home so she could go see her daddy. That child loves you both and I think as long as you're happy, she's going to take it very well. You can do this, Tigger."

She releases a sigh of release, "Thank God you think so. I think so, too. Hey listen, I'll call you later. I'm gonna go have some of Lucas's French toast."

"Yum," Haley moans. "Hey, give my other best friend a hug from me. I'm really happy for you, Brooke."

At that, her smile increases. They will do this. And she hangs up the phone; she wants to go have some breakfast with her favorite two people in the world. She reaches for a pair of tights and hurries to put them on and get down to the kitchen.

-**x-b-x-l-x-**

_Well I like the way your hair falls in your face.  
You got the keys to me-  
I love each freckle on your face.  
I've never been so wrapped up-  
honey, I like the way you're everything I've ever wanted._

They've been talking about anything light all morning. The French toast, Dee's night at his brother's house, Christmas, anything but them. They're avoiding defining it. For who, he's not sure. But they aren't giving it a name. It doesn't really matter to him anyway. Both of his girls are happy and laughing and that's enough for him.

Brooke steers the conversation to Lily coming home for Christmas and Delila gets excited. He figures he should give them the rest of the news. "Actually, mom said they're coming home for good last time I talked to her."

He smiles as both girls start literally jumping up and down. It's nice that they love his parents and sister as much as he does. And then Brooke turns to him and kisses him. It's quick and sweet, like a habit, and just as quick, she's back over at the sink, starting on the breakfast dishes. He's surprised at the feeling that comes over him. He's always known he loved her. Yet he never quite believed she would ever just openly love him back. The feeling isn't one he can put into words.

It's warm. His stomach is flipping and flopping and he never wants it to stop. He watches her, wanting to laugh or cry or anything just to release all of these feelings. He wants to scream out that he's the luckiest guy in the world. No amount of thanking her would come close to his gratitude. He's going to spend the rest of his life making sure that she knows just how grateful he is to her.

"Daddy," Delila's voice cuts into his thoughts, "Can we call Grandma Karen?"

He looks at the time and calculates that it's probably dinner time in Europe but he figures he'll give it a try for his daughter. "Sure, princess," he smiles at her. "Let me go get my phone so we can call her."

He walks past Brooke, at the sink, deliberately and runs his hand along her back as he's passing her. She turns, grins at him and keeps working.

He finally lets himself believe. This is going to be just fine.

**-x-b-x-l-x-**

_I had time to think it oh-over  
and all I can say is come closer.  
Take a deep breath-  
and jump then fall into me._

"Mom." She hears Lucas in the dining area on the phone, "Someone wants to talk to you."

She looks over and something catches her eye. The glint of the diamond in the little black box. She hasn't looked at it since she came into the kitchen first thing this morning. They ate at the breakfast bar and none of them have even been into the part of the room with her dining room table until now. Lucas catches her gaze and closes the box before Dee even notices it. He sits it behind the vase on the table running along the back wall and just smiles easily at her.

What is he thinking?

She's so happy she could burst. They spent the morning just like a real family. Dee even walked in on them- Oh God. Hopefully she doesn't tell Karen about that. And Karen, Dan, and Lily will be home soon. They're going to be normal. With a touch of dysfunction, which can totally be done with the history of this family and her daughter having an aunt her own age, but still mostly normal. Content. Loving. Family.

Her eyes go back to behind the vase as she listens to Delila go on and on about what she wants for Christmas and kindergarten with Lily. When will she trust this feeling enough to put that on her finger?

How long until Lucas caves and gets upset about her need to go slow?

She's too grateful for this. Kissing him, like he'll always be there. His smile from across the room while he makes sure their daughter isn't ratting them out to his mom. Breakfast. The love in his eyes. She won't make him wait too long. She just has to be sure that it's right for all of them.

**-x-b-x-l-x-**

_The bottom's gonna drop out from under our feet.  
When people say things that bring you to your knees-  
I'll catch you, I'll catch you.  
The time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cry  
but I'll hold you through the night until you smile._

"Kids have amazing memories," Lucas comments to his brother, later that day. "I can't believe she didn't tell my mom."

Nathan laughs, "Yeah, but why didn't you tell your mom?"

He thinks about it for a second before just saying, "Because Brooke hasn't defined it and I don't want to pressure her. She'll figure it out and then we can tell people. When she's ready."

"Dude," Nathan rolls his eyes. "If you work on her time, you might as well be going backwards."

Lucas shakes his head at his brother, "You don't know that. She needs time. I'm giving it to her."

He looks into the kitchen where he can see Brooke and Haley laughing at something. She has to figure it out on her own. "I won't be impatient. I want to prove to her that I can wait and not stray."

"Okay, man." Nate nods, "I get it. I'm here if you ever need to talk about it."

Then his brother laughs at him. "I can't believe Haley walked in on you guys. Thank God I didn't take her home."

He shakes his head and laughs, too. That might've been even more awkward than his best friend and daughter walking in.

**-x-b-x-l-x-**

_Whoa oh- I need you baby.  
Don't be afraid, please.  
Baby, I'm never gonna leave you.  
Say that you wanna be with me, too.  
Jump then fall._

"I'm gonna go check on them," Brooke tells Haley. "They're kind of quiet."

She leaves her kitchen, where Haley is making supper for everyone, to find the kids and make sure they're not making another mess. She stops just short of her den, Delila's playroom. They look like they're building a house of blocks and they're being unusually peaceful. Not wanting to disrupt that, she decides to not even let them know she's there and goes to turn away when Dee's voice catches her off guard.

"Yeah. They both slept at my mama's house last night," she says in a quiet voice. "And they were _kissing_."

Jamie tilts his head and questions her, "Like real parents?"

She can see part of her daughter's face just light up, in a way she'd never seen before. "I think they love each other like your mama and daddy do."

"Aunt Brooke and Uncle Lucas?" Jamie doesn't sound surprised. "Mama says it, too."

"Really?" Her child is practically a Christmas tree and her voice is squeaking. "I really hope so, Jamie. I wanna be a real family all the time. Like today."

She stops eavesdropping on the two kids; she's heard enough. It's enough to make her want to cry and she knows exactly what she wants to do. Without saying a word, she walks past Haley into the dining area and looks at the vase. More accurately, she looks **behind** the vase. She can hear the guys coming in the sliding glass doors from her back patio but she doesn't turn her head.

She doesn't want a distraction. It's now or never. She reaches behind the vase, plucks the box out from its hiding place, and opens it up. Taking a deep breath, she looks down at the most beautiful ring in the world and blinks away the tears.

She looks up at Lucas, who looks paralyzed in the spot he's standing, and simply says, "I want to be a real family, too."

His eyes reflect a certain kind of understanding. He takes two steps toward her, takes the box from her hands, and kneels. "I love you more than I ever thought was possible, Brooke Penelope Davis. There is no one in this world that I'd rather build a life with. Or a family. Be my wife?"

It's easy and flawless and she can't even form words. She just reaches into the box and slips the ring on her third finger, left hand and nods her head while the tears flow freely down her face. There's nothing that she wants more.

She knows she's not the only one who's been waiting for this. And she isn't the least bit surprised when she looks up and sees the tears on Lucas's cheeks, as well. Even Haley's a little teary watching on with Nathan next to her from her spot by the stove.

They're going to be a real family. And nothing has ever felt more right.

_Every time you smile, I smile.  
And every time you shine, I'll shine.  
And every time you're here baby, I'll show you-  
you can jump then fall, fall into me._

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**Thanks for reading guys! I hope you enjoyed and I hope you'll review! Every word you all say, means the world to me.**

**-Cor**


	13. The Gift

**If I apologized, would it make a difference? It's been way too long since I last updated and I've written, deleted and rewritten this chapter, so I hope that it's still correct as far as timeline goes.**

**The only reason I was so adamant about getting it up this week is that I've actually started another fic- I'll tell the story when I post the first chapter. But I don't want to start posting until I finish this one. I'm one of those people who needs to finish one thing before moving onto the next. This chapter was supposed to be posted at Christmas- so you're (those of you still reading) are actually getting Christmas in March, I guess. Lol. **

**This is for Angie and Rosie- you two may be the only ones who end up reading this. Plus, you've both kept on me about writing it and I appreciate that. Everyone who doesn't, should read Rosie's Sway. It's in my favorites. And Angie's vids are some of the BEST on youtube. **

**So without further adieu, please read and enjoy.**

**Also, I don't own the characters, though I'd like to. Mark // the CW do not deserve them. And the lyrics are from a beautiful Jim Brickman song.

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_Winter snow is falling down.  
Children laughing all around.  
Lights are turning on  
like a fairy tale come true._

Christmas Eve is Brooke's favorite day of the year. Lucas knows this well since she made it a point to tell him about three thousand times in the last six years. He has a perfect day planned out for her.

He and Delila are going to the airport to pick up his parents and sister- for the last time- around ten in the morning. Brooke should be out of the shop no later than noon. So, by then, he plans to have the tree they all picked out for his house last night up in its stand, fallen out, and ready to be decorated.

Brooke and he finally decided, last night, that they'd stay in his house on Christmas since it's closer to his mom's house and they can just walk a couple of blocks for the family dinner. They thought it'd be nicer to walk, while Delila, no doubt, is driving her new power car, rather than driving from Brooke's house, which is across town. It's unseasonably cold this year and he knows Brooke is hoping for a white Christmas. The only problem with staying at his house is that he'd been spending all of his time at Brooke's with his girls and hadn't gotten out to get a tree. So the three of them trekked out and braved the cold last night to pick out the perfect tree for Christmas morning at Daddy's- as Brooke's calling it. They plan on decorating it today after Brooke gets home from work.

It's a strictly family day. After decorating the tree, he's planning on sitting down with Delila and giving her her number one Christmas wish. He and Brooke have been saving the news of their engagement for tonight. Tonight, their little girl is going to get the promise of a family. Of a wedding and brothers or sisters or both.

He can't wait to tell her.

"Wake up, wake up, you sleepyhead." Brooke's voice is low and grumbly. "Wake up, wake up, or you'll be dead."

His eyes open to see his two favorite girls staring at him. One pair of bright, shiny blue eyes and one pair of the most beautiful, sparkling hazel-green eyes right in his face. There really has never been a better way to wake up. He looks at Delila, "I think your Mama is quoting it wrong. What about you?"

She stifles a giggle, "Not-uh, Daddy. She said she'll really kill you if you don't get up and get ready. Santa will be here tonight but for some reason Mama likes today."

He mockingly rolls his eyes in Brooke's direction, "Believe me, I know." Then, without a movement or warning, he reaches up and starts tickling them both mercilessly.

They fall over to where Brooke usually is still sleeping at- he looks at the alarm clock- 6 am. He abruptly jumps up. The only reason she could be up this early is because she wants breakfast. "Who wants chocolate chip French toast and eggnog?"

His little girl squeals out an ew as Brooke jumps up and shrieks "Yes!"

_**-x-b-x-l-x-**_

_Sitting by the fire we made.  
You're the answer when I prayed-  
I would find someone  
and baby I found you._

He always knows just want she wants. Brooke never quite realized it before but these last two weeks have proven it to her. He has spent every night here, with Dee and her. He has barely left the house, choosing to stay in with their little girl and decorate. And when he does leave, Delila is by his side. She hasn't come to work with Brooke once in these couple of weeks, opting to stay with her daddy for together time. He even takes her to the school for coaching; she asked for a Ravens jersey the other day so she could play with the boys.

Brooke had been making her a Ravens cheerleader outfit and she figures that will do. Though, Jamie has a jersey already and she's worried that Dee will want one like the players. Then she'll have to explain the whole boys play, girls cheer rules to her. Because Dee is not going to play when she can cheer. Brooke won't allow it.

Before this, though, she'd really underestimated Lucas. She underestimated how good of a dad he could be- and she didn't think it was possible to get much better than he'd already been. And she definitely underestimated how well he knew her. But then one day, last week, she'd been sitting at work thinking she'd really like lunch with the kids. Thinking about how much she missed them now that she didn't have them every day when in walked Lucas with the two kids and a bag filled with lunch. Her favorite Subway hoagie- turkey, cheese, and tomato with oil and vinegar, toasted on wheat- was among the things in the bag. It was right at that moment that she realized just how well he knows her. From what she wants to eat to when and who with, he knows all of her likes and dislikes. She has started watching him since then. He seems to always be just a step ahead of her.

That's why it doesn't even surprise her when he knows that she wants breakfast today. Or that he already knows exactly what she wants. She'd usually just pull Delila into bed with her and Lucas and sleep an hour more but this morning, when their little girl crept in, she was already up and starving for a Christmas Eve breakfast with her family.

Her family. Wow. That's so new and amazing to her. Every time she thinks it in her head she wants to jump up and down and scream it out loud. A real family. For her and for her precious baby girl. Lucas is the missing piece. He always was and he fits in with them so perfectly. She almost hates herself for not noticing it before.

She'll never make that same mistake again.

And she can tell just by the look on his face that he's not going anywhere. She just woke him up at six in the morning, after keeping him up until about three last night wrapping last minute gifts, to make her a silly breakfast. And he's still smiling at her as if someone just told him he won the lottery.

"Okay, Miss Dee," he smiles at their little girl. "what'll it be? French toast? Pancakes? Anything eggnog flavored?"

She giggles up at him and shakes her head forcefully. "Eww, daddy, eggnog is yucky." She scrunches up her face as Lucas sits a glass full of eggnog in front of them.

"I love it," Brooke says, smiling at Lucas and taking a sip. "Thank you, babe."

Delila gives her mom a disgusted look and then gives her dad those eyes. "I'd like some milk and gingersnaps, please."

_**-x-b-x-l-x-**_

_All I want is to hold you forever.  
All I need is you more every day._

She's been testing him like this every now and then. He thinks it's just a reminder that he and Brooke have changed a lot of things in her world lately. He used to be the dad that didn't get to see her all day, every day. That meant that when he did see her, he gave her everything she wanted. Brooke was right. He had been spoiling her. It's a habit he's been trying to break. Cookies and milk for breakfast isn't something he'd object to- at his house, without Brooke there, after having not seen his child for a good two days. It wasn't a fight that would be worth a second of his precious time with her.

Now? Things are different. And Dee is pushing the boundary lines to see where the new ones are. He understands but he also wishes she wouldn't. He hates saying no. Especially to his baby. Especially on Christmas Eve morning.

At least he'll be able to give her something she wants tonight.

He sighs, thinking it's too bad he can't just skip to that portion of the day right now. Is this how Brooke felt all the time? Being bad cop? He looks over at his pretty fiancé and she gives him a smile that's bordering between reassuring and reprimanding. He shakes his head and brings his eyes level with his daughter's, "How about Mickey Mouse pancakes?"

He just can't say the N word. When did he become so spineless?

Probably the moment he looked at her in the hospital. Or maybe before that. Brooke had been giving him training on being wrapped around a girl's finger for a couple of years before that.

She scrunches up her face and he prays that she's not going to fight with him. He's learned not to show any outward appearance of the stress denying her puts on him so he just raises an eyebrow at her.

"With bananas?" she asks, conceding.

He smiles, happy there isn't going to be a fight. "For you? Anything."

He turns to start their breakfast and catches Brooke's eye. She gives him an approving smile and he winks at her. Piece of cake.

Not really- but he's making headway at least. One day, Dee won't have to test him. One day, his girls are just going to trust him to stay firm, hold his ground, and not run when the going gets tough.

He just hopes that one day is soon.

_**-x-b-x-l-x-**_

_You saved my heart  
from being broken apart.  
You gave your love away  
and I'm thankful every day  
for the gift._

The store is closing at noon and that's too much time open in her opinion. At least, after today it's closed for the rest of the week. The more time to spend with her family, the better.

Millicent is spending the day with family out of town so Brooke is the only one in the store. The very quiet store. With only two customers in the three hours she's been there, she's had a lot of time to sketch. To think.

When she drifts, all she can focus on is Lucas.

Lucas, who is probably at the airport picking up his parents and sister with Dee right at the very second he pops into her mind. Lucas, who never gave up on her and the dreams they had for a family at the tender age of seventeen. Lucas, the love of her life. Dee's daddy.

It doesn't escape her that he's never been just Delila's father, as she accused him of just a few short weeks ago. There were times when she wished he could've just been the guy who donated the sperm, without caring. Without caring for her or for the child they created. Anyone can be a father; it takes a man to be a daddy. She also realizes that he'd never have been anything less.

Her mind drifts, for the first time in a very long time, to a conversation they had a few days before their lives changed forever on a cold, rainy March morning. The time capsule had been released that morning.

_She groans and covers her face with her hands as her boyfriend walks over to her. Her breasts have just been displayed for the whole school to see and he can't be too happy with her._

"_I'm sorry," she squeaks out. As if she did something to truly hurt him._

_He laughs, "Why? Because now everyone knows that you're just as beautiful naked, as clothed?"_

_She looks at him for the first time and sees that he's amused, not pissed like she expected. It almost hurts her because he's her boyfriend. He shouldn't want anyone to see her; it should make him jealous._

_He gets a more serious look on his face and as if he's reading her mind, he continues. "Besides, the guys already know that they're not allowed to acknowledge how gorgeous you are because I won't hesitate to make their lives hell. You're beautiful and you're mine."_

_It's possessive in a way that he's not usually and she's okay with that. She needs to hear it every once in a while. And then he leans down and kisses her in the same way, as if he's letting everyone around him know that her body may have been on display this morning but she isn't touchable. _

_She looks up at him, "I can't believe I did that, then. I have no idea what I was thinking about. My kids are going to see this one day and wonder how I could be so stupid."_

_He smiles at that. "Our kids will know that everyone makes mistakes. And that their mom is the smartest, most beautiful woman in the world. "_

"_Our?" she looks up at him. "Do you know something that I don't?"_

"_Only that I'm not letting you go, so unless you don't plan to have kids- and you clearly do," he grins at her, "I'm going to be the daddy to those kids. Plus, I think that eventually my eagerness will give us a baby. I usually just want you that much."_

_At that, she just giggles and blushes- something she doesn't do often. He slips his arm around her again, this time more purposeful. _

"_Come on," he says to her, "I'll walk you to Algebra. Before I forget that we have to be here and take you home."_

_She looks up at him as he leads her toward the hallway, "Lucas."_

"_Yeah?" he stops and looks down at her. _

"_If you're planning to be my babies' daddy," she searches for the words. "Does that mean you'll be something more to me?"_

"_You mean more than your husband?" He laughs and then gets quiet just as quickly when he realizes that she's serious. "Brooke, how many times do I have to tell you this? I. Love. You. And I'll be as much as you'll let me be."_

"_Then I want you to be everything."_

_His eyes register this without any of the normal teenage boy panic, "Your wish is my command."_

_If she didn't start this conversation, she'd think he just got his way about something. His smile says that he did._

It's only now, thinking back on it, that she realizes that he did get his way. Back then and now. And thank God for that. He wanted her and he never truly let go of that.

She thinks, not for the first time today, that she's one lucky woman.

_**-x-b-x-l-x-**_

_All I want is to hold you forever.  
All I need is you more every day._

"Grandma!" Dee shrieks as she sees them coming through the airport doors. "Grandpa!"

She runs right to his dad and jumps into his arms as if it's been a lifetime since she last saw him. And it really has.

"Ma," he says reaching out to her. "Obviously, we missed you."

Karen just smiles at him, "I missed you, too, my boy."

Lilly looks around, "Where's Brookie?"

"She's at the store," Lucas says to his sister, picking her up and giving her a bear hug. "You'll see her tomorrow at dinner, though."

Karen eyes him suspiciously, "Why not tonight?"

"Because we have to decorate the tree for mama's favorite night at daddy's," Dee pipes up.

His dad looks at him curiously now, "Is that right, little one?"

The question is aimed at him, no matter what the verbal implication is. He gives his parents a big smile. "We'll be at the house no later than tomorrow afternoon. As a family." Let them think what they want about that statement. "Nathan and Hales are also coming in tomorrow afternoon. They're spending tonight with the James family."

He heads towards his SUV hoping that they've dropped it. He wants his mom to see the ring on Brooke's finger before hearing the words.

The drive is filled with Lilly and Delila's chattering. He's grateful that Dee hasn't slipped up about him basically living with her and Brooke. Even though, it's clear to him that she talks about him more now. He can tell that he's in her life more. He's just hoping that his parents haven't picked up on it.

When he pulls up in front of his childhood home, his mom's smile widens. "Thank you, Lucas."

He just returns her smile and says, "Nate and I had some free time earlier this week. We thought you guys would want to come home to a decorated house."

They all jump out of the car and walk into the house, which is dressed inside and out for the holiday. After he and his dad bring the luggage in, he looks up at the clock. Eleven-thirty. He wants to have lunch ready for Brooke when she gets to his house.

"Alright," he sighs, giving his mom another big hug, "Brooke's gonna be at my house any minute. We have to get going."

He takes his daughter's hand and tells her to say bye to Lils.

Now, family time is really about to begin.

_**-x-b-x-l-x-**_

_Watching as you softly sleep,  
What I'd give if I could keep,  
Just this moment  
if only time stood still._

Stifling a yawn, Brooke plops down on the couch in Lucas's living room and looks at the fruit of their labor. It only took six hours to decorate his whole inside. Now, it looks like Frosty and Santa came in and threw up winter wonderland all over his house.

And she loves it.

Watching Dee and Lucas work together to put the finishing touch on the tree, she wonders what he has planned to do next. Because it's her favorite day of the year, Lucas has refused all day to let her know what's coming. Surprises are plentiful abound, he keeps telling her. It's kind of exciting, not knowing but enjoying it anyway.

"Daddy," their daughter is giggling. "It's so high!"

The star that they're trying to put on top of the tree isn't quite making it there, with Lucas holding Dee up as far as he can. She tried to tell him that the tree was too tall. And it is if his full six feet can't lift their little girl all the way up to the top. To say she's not at the top would be a lie. She is. But her hand isn't steady enough to get the star to sit on the top branch and they're both swaying dangerously close to the tree that they've spent a good four hours making the prettiest Christmas tree she's ever seen. And she's getting nervous.

"Lucas," she says, panicked, "maybe you and I can do it somehow."

He looks over at her, as if the balance of their little girl and himself isn't a strain, and shakes his head. "Nope, not a chance, gorgeous." He looks up at Dee, who is now perched atop his shoulders, "My uncle Keith used to do this with me when I was little. It's a good tradition to keep, don't you think?" He's looking back at Brooke now and she can feel the importance in his gaze.

They've spent every Christmas together since Junior year. Granted, he wasn't really with her that first year but they were together. And senior year, she was pregnant and they were at odds because he thought she didn't want to be with him. The last five Christmases have been spent as a family, but usually with a bunch of Scotts around them. This year, it's the first year that they're their own family. She can see that he's going to great pains to make it perfect.

And then she hears Delila Grace let out a squeal so loud that she's sure Karen and Dan heard it three blocks over. "I did it, Daddy." She's got the biggest smile on her face and her hands are up in the air pointing at the star sitting precariously on top of the huge tree, "Mama, look what daddy and me did!"

Lucas is so caught up that he doesn't even correct her grammar. His face is completely lit up and she feels herself pulled into a euphoric state. This is her family, the one she has always wished for. Right here in this little room is every reason her world still spins. She's not waiting for the other shoe to drop; she's not looking over her shoulder for bad news or up in the sky for the piano to fall on her head. She believes in it.

She believes in _them_.

"Let's turn all of the lights on and the make it as dark as possible," she says in a faux conspirative whisper. "Then we can see it in all of its glory."

She scoops her little girl out of Lucas's arms and leans in to give him a quick kiss. "Perfect tradition," she murmurs to him before turning to hit the light switch for the overhead light.

She walks around with Delila in her arms, methodically making the house as dark as it can be, as if she's lived here forever. She knows that soon she will live here. In this house that she knows he bought for them when he came home two years ago. When her lease is up in three months, she and Dee will move into this house and make it their home. Almost every one of her baby's memories will be in this house. Starting with tonight. Her heart constricts a little bit at the thought.

A _happy_ squeeze. This will be the house that she'll raise her family in.

She realizes that she doesn't even really want to wait three months; she'd move in right now if she could. It may be cliché but she realizes it's true. When you figure out who you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want it to start right away. Or, in her case, she'd finally figured out that she could spend the rest of her life with who she wants, and be happy.

She wouldn't trade this feeling for the world. She's not sure it ever felt like this before. So perfect. So right.

Like all of the pieces of the puzzle have finally been snapped into place.

And then she realizes that it can get better as she walks through the archway leading her back to the living room. Lucas is standing in front of a big, imperfect, beautiful Christmas tree that they all decorated together. It's the only thing lit in the whole room and his face is illuminated in awe.

She has a pretty good feeling that he feels just like she does. And that feels really good.

_**-x-b-x-l-x-**_

_But the colors fade away.  
And the years will make us grey.  
But baby in my eyes  
You'll still be beautiful._

He's making dinner for his girls. Dee is too young to appreciate a full traditional seven fishes dinner so he's opted for shrimp marinara. It's one of Brooke's favorites and he can keep the shrimp off of his daughter's portion.

Brooke is upstairs in Dee's bathroom supervising bath time. This is the moment he's been waiting for all day. The moment they explain to their little girl that they're going to be a real family. Live together, eat together, have holidays together.

He smiles to himself. Brooke thinks that she's the only one who has dreamed of this and she's not. He's wanted a family for as long as he could remember. Sure, he had his mom- thankfully. And Uncle Keith. But that never erased the fact that his dad didn't want him- that he had a brother that his dad did want. And even now, he feels too old to go back to that little boy and fix that with Dan. He'd rather just move forward- with his family. The one he created.

The one he has been creating since he came home from Charleston in the middle of junior year and realized that Brooke was everything. Maybe they got sidetracked but they're here now, and if he had to go through it all all over again, he would. Just to have her.

Her and his baby girl. And, hopefully, more babies.

"Hey, fiancé." Brooke's voice rings out from behind him. "Dee got distracted in the living room."

He turns and looks at her, standing under the doorway that leads from the kitchen to the dining room, and can't resist kissing her under the mistletoe that he just hung hours before.

The whole world melts away as he loses himself in the taste of her lips and then he feels a tug on his jeans. When he looks down, Delila is staring up at them, "Can we eat now?" she asks. "I'm hungry."

He sends Brooke a smile and then bends down and picks up his little girl, tickling her. "Okay, you little monster. You'll get your gruel for the night."

She giggles, "But daddy, I want spaghetti!"

"Spaghetti?" Brooke chimes in, "There's no spaghetti here," she tells her solemnly, "only shrimp!"

She picks one of the shellfish up and shows Dee it, legs and all. Their little girls doesn't disappoint. She screams and turns away. "Save me!"

Lucas laughs and sits her down, putting the plate of just pasta and sauce that he'd made up for her earlier in front of her.

When they're all settled and well into their meal, he starts talking again. To both of them. It's more serious this time.

"So, Santa's coming tonight," he starts, looking at his little girl's blue eyes light up at the mention of the man with all the toys.

He looks at Brooke for approval of what he's about to do; she nods and slides her hand over to grasp his. He finds the engagement ring that he put on it just a few short weeks ago and rubs it.

"There are some things that you asked for, Dee," he tells her, "that Santa can't give you. Only a mama and a daddy can give you some things."

"Like a baby brother?" she asks, wise beyond her years.

He nods and Brooke takes over. "I know you want a sibling, baby, but that's not something that can just be dropped off on your doorstep. Love creates a baby- like you were created out of all of your daddy's love for me."

She smiles over at him and he can tell that she actually means the words. It's not just a script in her head anymore. She knows that Dee was created out of love.

His little girls lip quivers a little bit, "But I thought you love each other again?"

He smiles, now for the part he's been looking forward to. "We do, pretty princess. We wanted to tell you that you're gonna get an early gift this year. We can't just hand you a brother or sister and you have to know that there's a possibility it could be a sister. But we're going to get married. And try to give you a big family."

Brooke smiles, "And we're moving in here with your dad after Christmas."

He looks up at her, surprised. They hadn't discussed that. She smiles at him, "I mean, if that's okay with your dad."

"It's more than okay." He feels like shouting it from the rooftops.

Delila looks as happy as he feels. The only words she says are the only ones he needed to hear. "We're gonna be a real family."

He looks over at Brooke and exchanges a look. Yeah. They are.

_**-x-b-x-l-x-**_

_You saved my heart  
from being broken apart._

They walk into Karen's house holding hands. Delila runs into the kitchen and yells, "We're gonna have a wedding."

They'd given her permission to tell her grandparents.

Karen looks up at Brooke and her eyes drop right to the engagement ring that Keith gave her so many years ago. She doesn't say anything, just pulls Brooke into her arms.

"Is this okay?" she asks her soon to be mother-in-law. "I mean, if you're not okay with me wearing this ring…"

She breaks off because she can't say the words. The ring means so much to Lucas. So much to her.

Karen gives her a watery smile, "There's no one else who I'd want wearing that ring, Brooke. You are like a daughter to me and I can't wait to make that official. Keith would be so happy that you guys finally got it together."

Dan walks in at that moment and congratulates Lucas.

Then he hugs Brooke and smiles down at her. "Just another thing to celebrate this Christmas."

Nathan and Haley walk into the kitchen and more hugs and talk ensues. Brooke looks around, taking it all in. This big, dysfunctional, loving family is hers.

Yeah. This is the best Christmas she's ever had.

She may even rethink her favorite day of the year.

_You gave your love away  
And I'm thankful every day  
for the gift._

_

* * *

_

**Please review, good or bad. Just the epilogue on this is left!! Thanks to those of you still reading!  
-Cor**


	14. It's Only Life

**Hey all (three of you who are still reading :P) –**

**I'll bet you thought I was never gonna give you this epilogue, as promised. Well, here it is! Months late but it's here. It's actually been written and rewritten about four times. I just think I didn't want to let go of them. Plus, the segue between POVs is atrocious but I just couldn't think of another way to do it… so we'll all just have to deal with it. Haha… **

**I hope you enjoy it. The end of the road has come. Thank you all for sticking with me. I'd love to hear your thoughts, after reading, one final time.**

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* * *

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_You were always playing hard.  
Never could let down your guard.  
____But you can't win,  
____If you never give in,  
____To that voice within,  
____Saying pick up your chin,  
____Baby, let go of it._

Today is the perfect day for the zoo, thank goodness. It had been a wet summer, thunderstorming on and off for most of the last month- which makes for long, beautiful nights spent with her husband, but only after drawn out days stuck inside the house or shop with the kids. So they've all been looking forward to this family outing.

When she wakes up to the shining sun and not a cloud in the sky, she smiles wide and thanks God for a perfect day- before it has even begun. Because once three year old Will realizes they can leave the house today, there'll be no time for quiet contemplation. No time for anything, really, and she wouldn't have it any other way.

"Hey, gorgeous. You're up." Lucas walks into the room, freshly showered, buttoning up his shirt. "They're both still out for the count. It was a great idea to let them run around in the rain last night, if I do say so myself. All of that pent up energy was released and you got to sleep in."

She raises an eyebrow and looks at the clock on her bedside table. It's eight-thirty, which is late for William but not nine year old Delila. "Lucas, have you checked on him? Ugh, I'll bet he's sick. Just our luck; one nice day in all of August and you get him sick so we can't take advantage of the sun."

He laughs at her and rolls his eyes. "Stop. One, he's not sick. Two, you _never_ complain about playing in the rain with me. And three, you got to sleep in."

He shrugs his shoulders like he's made his point and she just smiles at him. "Who'd have ever thought there would be a day when eight-thirty in the morning was considered sleeping in?"

Lucas laughs again and walks toward her, "Well, you know, there are other things to do in bed. Things that are so much better than sleep."

He closes the distance between them and takes her mouth with his. "mmmhmmm," she mumbles. _This_ is why she never complains about playing in the rain with him. His hands drop below her waist and start kneading her behind and she presses herself against him.

When his lips leave her mouth and start traveling down her neck, she closes her eyes and gives into the sensations that only he has ever been able to bring alive in her. Her hands work to undo the buttons that he just fastened minutes ago and he breaks away from her to pull his t-shirt up over her head. His fingers slide down her body, as if this is the first time he's touching her- gentle, discovering- and not as if it's something he does on a regular basis, even though he does. It's never become routine between them. She's so thankful for that.

"Have I ever told you that this is the sexiest thing you could ever do for me?" His right hand stops to rest on the swell that is her twenty-one week baby bump.

She giggles like the seventeen year old she was the first time he said those words to her.

_Lately, she's been feeling stress coming at her from all angles. The baby is due in a little over a month. Peyton hates her- and she hates Peyton, even if she's trying not to. Lucas hovers over her like she's a child, which Peyton also hates. Nathan and Haley are getting ready for a future that doesn't really include her. Karen and Dan are trying to build a relationship- with a constant reminder in her of all of the mistakes they made in the relationship they used to have. Plus, they have Keith's baby due at almost the same time as their first grandchild. Graduation is days away and she just feels like nothing is ever going to be good - right- in her life again._

_Nothing- except for maybe this little girl inside of her. She feels just right._

_She doesn't even realize she's crying until she hears Lucas's voice, "Brooke?" _

_He's whispering, because it's the middle of the night and he doesn't want his mom to hear. "Are you crying? What's wrong, pretty?"_

_At this point, he's there, in front of her and even if she wanted to try and hide the tears that she barely understands, she couldn't. His hands comes up to her cheek and he's wiping stray tears away in such a tender way that it breaks her heart a little more. Does she even have a right to be here, in this house, with him this way? He's not hers anymore; something she has to remind herself of daily. It hasn't stopped her from loving him yet. She wonders if it ever will._

"_Hey," he tries to get her to focus on him and calm down, "you know you can tell me anything. Why are you sobbing your heart out at three am, Brooke? Is it your parents or the baby? What's going on? You don't talk to me about anything anymore."_

_She tries to smile up at him, without much conviction, and works to downplay it. "My belly is getting so big. I'm never gonna be your pretty girl again."_

_Better he thinks she's shallow than stressed to the core. He'd never leave her alone if he knew the truth._

_He laughs—he actually has the audacity to full belly laugh at her, forgetting to be quiet and everything, and she finds herself offended. She smacks his chest and scoffs, "Well, there goes being able to tell you anything!"_

_When he finally gets himself under control, he shakes his head at her, "That statement is just beyond ridiculous on so many levels, Brooke. I don't even know where to begin. I mean, for starters, you yell at me every time I even try to say you're my pretty girl. And then, there's the fact that that belly is the sexiest thing in the world to me and I'm pretty sure it'll continue to be for the rest of my life. That belly is carrying my child. __**My**__ child."_

_She smiles at him and realizes that it must have been bothering her a little bit. She can see the stretch marks that she knows will never go away, even if they fade. In a way, it's like the rest of her life, just on a smaller level. Her stomach is never going to be the same. And he just made her feel infinitely better. What that means? She doesn't know. But he did. So she tries to go back to their banter, "You mean, __**my**__ child."_

"_Ours." He doesn't even miss a beat. _

_It's so hard for her to say it out loud. That they're going to be sharing her. That means other girls- like Peyton- will be in her little girls life. And she doesn't like that at all._

_She nods. "Little Zena is ours." This is a little game they've been playing. They can't agree on a name so to annoy each other, they call her the most outrageous things. At home, in public, at random. It's another thing that Peyton hates._

_He rolls his eyes and she finds herself hoping their little girl has his eyes. It's not the first time she's thought it; they're so beautiful. And every time she looks into her little girl's eyes, she'd see Lucas. Win-win. "You will not name my daughter after a warrior princess because you liked her fashion forwardness, Brooke. Little Rose will thank me one day for fighting you on this."_

"_Ughh," she laughs through her frustration. "No, she's not a flower. Especially not the most common flower."_

_He smiles at her, "We'll figure it out. Together. When we see her, I bet it'll just come to us. It'll just be natural. She is who she is, after all." _

_His hand drops to her stomach and as always, she feels his touch everywhere. His eyes meet hers and all traces of the joking they were just doing are gone. "Brooke, you know this is the most beautiful thing in the world, right? You are the most beautiful woman on the planet right now and this is part of the reason why."_

_She giggles because she can't help herself. "Lucas—"_

"_No," he cuts her off, "you need to know that. I'll always love you. Not just because of her- but God, Brooke, this is so sexy. You're carrying a part of me inside of you, all the time. There's nothing sexier in the whole world. Don't ever doubt that."_

_She feels the blush even if he doesn't acknowledge it and looks down. Because Brooke Davis is not someone who blushes easily. She's carrying him inside of her. God, she likes the sound of that. Too much, probably._

_She lifts a hand to cover his on her belly and their little girl rubs up against them as their eyes connect again. "Thanks, Luke."_

_He uses his free hand to cup the back of her head and pull it toward her chest, where she can hear the beat of his heart. His lips touch her temple and rest there. When he finally pulls away, he smiles at her, "Let's get you some rest, tonight, okay?"_

_She nods, knowing he's going to sleep in bed with her tonight. He's taken to doing that whenever it looks like she's having trouble sleeping. She loves it. Peyton does not._

_And she'd hate to admit it- but she loves that, too._

"You don't have to convince me of that anymore," she tells him, still not quite stopping the blush that it brings to her face. "I think you made it pretty clear all 36 weeks we knew I was carrying William."

He bends down and presses a kiss where his hand just was and then turns up to look at her, "I'll never stop telling you. Most beautiful woman in the world."

She smiles as his hands go to work, telling her the same message and talking becomes completely unnecessary. His mouth comes back up to hers, finally, with a hunger that wasn't in the first kisses. And just as his pants come down, she hears a little voice.

She pulls back and sees the amused frustration in his eyes. "Hey, you wanted another one," she reminds him.

"Mama," Will seems to have lost all patience with his mother in the first two minutes of being awake, as evidenced by the screeching in his little pleas for her to come get him. "Hungry. Mama. Up."

Lucas is watching her throw on a pair of sweat shorts and his breathing is finally returning to normal. "I'll go get breakfast started so we can head out soon," he tells her and then pulls her to him for one final kiss. "Tonight, we will finish that."

She laughs. She likes the sound of that. A lot. "I'm coming, buddy," she calls to her son from the hallway. Looking into Dee's disaster area, she yells, "Puddin Pop, daddy's making French toast and we're going to the zoo with Lily and Jamie today. Get ready and get downstairs."

When she gets to the door of her son's room, her eyes go wide, "William Keith Scott, what are you doing to me?"

He lets out a baby giggle and points to her, "Mama. I did it!"

He did it alright. If you call his entire wardrobe strewn across the room dressing himself, he did it. She laughs and shakes her head. "Just another day in the Scott household," she says more to herself than anyone else.

Her son nods agreeably and she scoops him up, "Come on, buddy. I'll clean this up another day."

_Don't look away.  
Don't run away.  
Don't lose your faith.  
Hey baby, it's only life._

_**-x-b-x-l-x-**_

_Take your hesitance,  
And your self-defense,  
Leave them behind, it's only life._

"Haley said she talked to your dad this morning and they're going to be a little late. Lily apparently needed some last minute things before they leave for their trip tomorrow." Brooke's talking as she buckles Will into his car seat but he can barely hear her. Moments like these steal his breath away.

_How did he ever come so close to not spending forever, here with her?_

She's everything. He can't even imagine what his life would be without her imbedded into every detail. Without his little princess and his Willie and the baby. Without her, he'd be truly lost. He knows that for sure. He remembers his Uncle Keith saying that to him once back in senior year—that losing Brooke would definitely be a loss. Unfortunately, he had to be shown that. And he knows that for sure. He also knows that every day for the rest of his life, he'll be thanking Keith and whoever else is out there, looking out for him, for helping him get her back. This is the best life he could possibly be living. And he's so grateful he gets to live it.

He smiles back to Dee, "Do you have everything you need for the trip with your grandparents and Lils?"

She looks up and rolls her eyes. As sarcastically as possible without missing any of her usual cheery pep, she says, "Yes, daddy. Mama and I went shopping the other day when Aunt Haley took Will and you picked him up there, remember?"

She's such a little Brooke that it sometimes surprises him to see his eyes on her. He still hasn't quite figured out how to say no to her or yell at her so he just nods and vaguely, he does remember Haley having Will over to play with his youngest nephew, Ryan, one day last week. He didn't even give a thought as to why his girls weren't there with him. Will and Ryan are only two months apart so they're usually together.

Brooke looks back, from buckling her seat belt, at Delila and narrows her eyes. He sees the fire there and feels bad for his daughter and guilty that he even started the conversation, "Don't you talk to your father that way, little miss. Apologize. Now."

Delila just scrunches her face up and looks toward Lucas. Oh, she knows how to play it. "Daddy, I didn't mean to be bad."

She knows how to play him. "It's okay, baby girl," he tells her. Then, to fix it with Brooke before she yells at him, he smiles over at his wife and picks up her left hand, playing with the band on that ring finger, and whispers, "I love it when you go all super-mama and defend your little husband."

Her eyes go wide and she tries to act mad but he knows she's really trying to hide a smile. "You shouldn't let her do that, Luke."

He knows. _Really_, he does. But she's his little girl and what he knows doesn't even matter when she gets tears in her eyes. All he knows then is that he doesn't ever want to be the one to put them there; he wants to kill whoever the culprit is. So he just smiles and nods and he knows that even Brooke knows that it doesn't mean anything. He clasps his hand with hers and rests it on her tummy. Maybe the newest Scott will kick on the way to the zoo. He's been waiting to feel him.

He sees his brother at the gate, with Ryan on his shoulders. Haley's next to him lecturing Jamie about running ahead, which he's probably already done more than once and they haven't even bought the day passes to get in. Dee runs over to Jamie and Will, who was listening raptly to Brooke narrating every step they took reaches over to him, saying, "Daddy, up. Up. Ryan. Uncle."

Basically, he wants to get up on daddy's shoulders like Ryan. Brooke laughs and hands him over. He watches her walk over to Haley and talk about the itinerary that they're going to follow.

Nathan smiles at him. "Hey, little brother," he tilts his head toward the gates, "I guess we should go get started on this adventure."

Lucas laughs and points toward the parking lot, "I saw dad pulling in when we were walking in so I think it's safe to go buy our tickets at least."

As they're coming out of line, he looks at his family: Lily, Jamie, and Delila all fighting about what they want to see first. His mom and dad trying to keep the three of them going in the same direction. Haley pulling Ryan down from Nathan and laughing at something his brother said. And Brooke.

She walks over to him and kisses him on the cheek, "I love days like this. All of us in the same place. It just feels right, ya know?"

He smiles and wraps his free arm around her, holding tightly to William with his other one. He does know. He used to think this perfection only happened in fiction.

But now, he knows: _The reality is so much better than fiction_.

_Don't be so afraid,  
Of facing every day,  
Just take your time, it's only life.  
Just hold on tight, it's only life._

_

* * *

_

**So, I've been working toward that last line since I started over a year ago. And I have to say, when I finally typed it, I got a little teary. I really love this story in a way that I think I probably shouldn't since it's my own… but oh, well. I hope the rest of you love it half as much as me- that'd make me happy.**

**I have an idea for a season eight fic and I'll be posting a prologue for it in a few weeks. I'll decide if I'm going to do it based on what everyone thinks, so keep looking back for that please :)**

**And again, thank you everyone who has read, reviewed, PM'd, or alerted this. It means the world!**

**xxx- Cor**


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